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Original poster

Did you give up a career to be SAHM? (Should I carry on teaching?)

63 replies

noonar · 24/09/2006 10:27

I have 2 dds aged 2 and 4. i've worked as a primary school teacher for 10 years (p/t since having the girls). i feel really resentful and stressed about the amount of out-of-hours work i need to put in. on good days, it's still rewarding, but on bad days, i feel like all i do is juggle the needs of 30 kids, instead of just the 2 that i have at home! i don't really need to work for financial reasons, and am starting to question my reasons for staying on. i think it has more to do with the 'status' and feeling of self worth that i get from have a vocational career, rather than really enjoying what i'm doing. i think i need do some kind of job, just to get me out of the house, but am starting to think that i'm clinging on to my teaching career for the wrong reasons.

anyone with a similar career dilemma out there? TIA for any advice.

OP posts:
geogteach · 24/09/2006 19:38

Its amazing how many teachers are in this position. I have DS1 5, DD 3 and DS2 2, I worked part time until DS2 was nearly 1 then decided it was too much, standing in front of the class I can doo its all the rest that made me give up, having DS1 starting school made the decision really, teaching does not fit with school drop offs and pickups or stuff like going to assemblies. Now i've done it I enjoy being at home (most of the time .
Incy I had exactly the same situation as you trying to arrange childcare with a head who frequently didn't publish a timetable till during the summer holidays.

Original poster
noonar · 25/09/2006 11:55

thankyou so much for all your replies. it's been fascinating reading about so many similar experiences/ dilemmas. i think you are right to point out that no decision is irreversible. i think i lose sight of that sometimes. i could always leave and then go back...i don't think a sabatical is the answer for me, cos if i left and went back to teaching, i think i'd want a change of school.
another problem is that i keep waiting for it to get easier and it never does. i tell myself, for example,'once i've got this planning in place and am familiar with the new report writing software, it'll be SO much easier next year'. am starting to realise that there will always be something new to grapple with, and i'll never be able to just coast along. this term's big issue for me is a boy in my class with EBD who is monopolising all my attention and energy. i don't think i want to have to contend with all this anymore.

sorry, am rambling, and am late picking up dd!

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incy · 25/09/2006 13:54

I have also found it comforting that so many other teachers have had similar experiences - especially regarding the last minute timetable geogteach ! Everyone tells me I am so lucky to be a teacher as it fits in so well with a young family but personally I have not found this to be anything but the case ! As Geogteach has said it isn't the classroom delivery which is a problem it is the many other tasks we do -I find myself feeling increasingly drained and exhausted even working PT - with no time or energy for my own child. I have taken the decision not to return to work for a period of time after my next child and am then going to do supply instead (like Malory has suggested to ypou). I hope you reach a decision which you are happy with - I know what you mean about hoping it will all get better however I have found each year gets worse and I want a life back and time to enjoy my children. Good luck with whatever you decide - as you can see, you are certainly not alone.

kittywits · 25/09/2006 14:28

noonar, I gave up primary school teaching when I had ds1. I really don't know how teachers with young childrt of 'out of hours;' work is enormous. I couldn't have coped, but have huge admiraton for those friends I have that still teach, although I know they find parenting and teaching very hard to manage at the same time.
I do miss aspects of teaching, particularly when I'm in the kids' school for whatever reason.
I found it hard to leave because I felt I had ,lost my status and direction. Over the years I've realised it has more to do with how women view themselves as SAHMS than anything else. Goood luck with whatever you decide

Original poster
noonar · 25/09/2006 20:55

Aah. kittywits, it's the loss of status and direction that i fear the most. i feel that being a teacher is a big part of my identity- i know it sounds corny- and that i'm clinging to it for dear life. it's as if i put up with all the crap that comes with the job, just so i dont have to deal with my insecurities! sorry to get all deep and meaningful, but that's the bottom line for me.

OP posts:
Posey · 25/09/2006 21:01

In dd's school they have a teacher who works a 3 day week and covers planning time (whatever its called where the teacher has out of classroom time). At least that way she knows what she's doing, has a bit of variety, gets to know the kids, but lessof the stress.
My friend does 2.5 days a week (job share).

I gave up nursing when I had kids (couldn't keep up the shift work with dh's erratic hours). Never ever felt that I'd lost any status, just glad not to have the stress of juggling a demanding job and kids.

kittywits · 25/09/2006 21:20

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shimmy21 · 25/09/2006 21:21

another side to the story here - like you all I gave up full-time teaching when I had the kids and then from part-time teaching to part-time in another education related job (not teaching). It is bliss - no planning, the stress that my colleagues moan about seems like nothing compared to what I had known and the pay is similar.

Only problem - now we are all being made redundant from my lovely cushy non-teaching job and I am skilless, soon to be jobless and regretting that I ever left the security of teaching. I have been out of teaching for 5 yrs and am totally out of touch with the teaching world (interactive white boards scare the pants off me!) and can't imagine that I could ever 'do' it again.

Once you've got out of the pool it's a darned sight harder to get back in than you think it will be when you're there.

MrsApronstrings · 25/09/2006 21:26

noonar I was a teacher and gave up for exactly the reasons you say, and I wont go back because I think it is just too hard (I have 4 children).

I don't think staying at home is the easy option - its hard to get no validation from the outside world. I did some tiny bits of supply - but you have to be set up for and pay for childcare so thats not really an easy option.

Since stopping teaching altogether (prob. 6 or 7 years ago now - gulp) I have had a franchise to teach music groups at home, and trained to make soft furnishings - curtains, roman blinds etc. both of which have been on my schedule and required less angst, time and energy.

Original poster
noonar · 25/09/2006 21:57

Gosh, i'm just amazed how many of you have a story to tell. thanks so much for sharing them.

posey, sounds like your dd's teacher should consider doing PPA cover

Shimmy, very interesting to hear your story. interactive whiteboards arent bad, honestly. i got the have of them and they revolutionise teaching! i know people who totally missed the intro of the numeracy/ literacy hour, and felt very deskilled. i do sympathise. it's such a dilemma.

mrs a, you sound very content. good on you!

kittywitts, i think youre right that it would be less of a shock to the system for me...i accepted 4 years ago that life had changed for ever! that initial shock to the system must've been huge. but going back after dd1 wasnt easy. p/timers are seen differently, somehow, and i got demoted by the head - from the SMT- she just assumed that cos i was now p/t that it wouldnt be part of my role anymore! didnt have the energy to protest.

OP posts:
Posey · 25/09/2006 22:09

lol noonar (actually her Y4 teacher is doing it this year!)
We seem to be trailing each other on these boards tonight

Original poster
noonar · 25/09/2006 22:12

checkout the 'cone' thread for some light relief!

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hulababy · 25/09/2006 22:16

KristinaM - I am now a learning and skill advisor to the prisoners. I do one to one interviews every 6 months with prisoners, helping them plan their "learning and skills" route through prison - advising them on what education courses to do (lit and num to L2 compulsary now), what skills in workshops they may be interested in, what reoffending behaviour courses they should do, and what employment to take - all looking forward towards ling term plans for release. I also sit on sentence planning boards, helping to determine what targets to set prisoners, regards their offending behaviours.

Original poster
noonar · 25/09/2006 22:20

hulababy, so sorry i didnt recognise you straight away on the 'ten yars ago' thread

OP posts:
hulababy · 25/09/2006 22:21

lol, no worries! I am rubbish at remembering everything on here!

TitianRed · 25/09/2006 22:30

Noonar - we sound so alike. Need to work at something(for my sanity, could manage on DH salary) but all the stress is killing me! Not enough hours in the day! Must go to sleep now, have to be up at 5.30 as I'm usually in school by 7am. Part-time wages on full time hours and I still don't think I'm doing either job brilliantly (ie Mummy/teacher). Let us know what you decide,

hulababy · 25/09/2006 22:33

I truely had to just get of teaching in the end. I was so stressed my health was being quite seriously affected. I posted on MN quite a lot about it at that time and got some lovely advice and support, and a few MNetters helped me realise I needed out. I actually resigned without a job to go to, other than some supply time work, and one guaranteed day's work, at the prison - I got my new job in the time between handing in my reisnation and actually leaving.

Original poster
noonar · 27/09/2006 19:53

well, i've just finished my 2 days of stress for this week . my EDB boy has made my life very tricky again this week. my colleague in the year below , who is a fantastic teacher, was close to tears at the end of the day, as she was so stressed about the behaviour of the children in her class. guess what? i'm due to inherit her class next year. and we're due an ofsted. i'm thinking.....i dont have to do this crap anymore!

it's funny how you can end up plodding on in an unquestioning, dissatisfied way for months, if not years. i think i'm getting closer to making a decision. but do i see the year out, for the sake of my current class?

OP posts:
lucy5 · 27/09/2006 19:58

I gave up teaching for 5 years to be a sahm. I went back for a year and hated it, I was resentful of the amount of time it took, all the meetings, hours spent discussing displays, spending more time with other peoples kids and the constant pressure I was under to pick dd up from school on time, go to her school etc.

DCIMaloryTowers · 27/09/2006 20:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chocolateshoes · 27/09/2006 20:02

I understand where you're coming from Noonar. I have gone part-time after 10 yrs of secondary sch teaching now I have DS. I only work 0.2 but I still find it difficult to stop school taking over. As you will know 0.2 is only 0.2 of the lessons. The amount of extra stuff means I still end up doing far too much work. The problem is I do love my job & know that if I gave up completely I would find it far too difficult to go back once DS was at school.

Could you cut back your hours a bit more just to give you that adult contact & 'non-mum' time? Or do fewer hours AND in an easier school?

I think there are a lot of teaching Mums out there who feel similarly as this thread demonstrates.

Good luck with your decisions.

Original poster
noonar · 27/09/2006 20:18

lucy, how old were your children when you went back to work? were you full time?

chocshoes, you say 'only' 0.2, but i do the same hours as you and find that the workload is far more in proportion to the pay when you do a short week, ifswim. i could easily get another day out of the planning i already do, as i always over prepare. yet 2 days sounds like nothing, doesnt it?

MT, did you feel bad about leaving your class before the year ended?

also,can i just say an enormous thankyou to you all for your posts. i can't tell you how much clearer my perspective has been on this, since chatting to you all.

OP posts:
Pruni · 27/09/2006 20:26

Message withdrawn

Original poster
noonar · 27/09/2006 20:50

so pruni, how long did you teach for after having children? and how many have you got?

i know this sounds silly, but i think one of the reasons i keep going is that my 2 best friends have young children and teach too. this kind of makes the stress we experience seem normal and inevitable...they manage it inspite of the stress, so i should too. that's why it's so intersting to hear from others who think giving up is a good idea.

OP posts:
lucy5 · 27/09/2006 20:55

I worked full time for the first year and then reduced down to part time. Dd was in reception, so about 5. I have never felt so pressured in my life. In the end I felt I wasn't giving anyone 100%. I lasted one term doing part time.