Have been asked to have a word with VERY talkative colleague about her excessive chatting - any advice?

[withallthetrimmings]

The person with whom I work most closely (she essentially does the same job as me, but is more junior) talks for Britain. Really talks for Britain. One day recently, I lost a two-hour window completely to her talking almost non-stop, and then felt depleted for the rest of the day and unable to knuckle down. And last week, I logged her interruptions just to capture the extent of the problem: 18 in a two-hour period.

Our jobs centre on research and proposal writing – they're not customer-facing – so it's all heads-down kind of work, and her endless chatter is therefore a nightmare; getting into any kind of flow with all her interruptions is really difficult.

Our manager is aware of the problem and has tried twice to talk gently, in a read-between-the-lines kind of way, to my colleague about the need for her to get her head down, focus, etc. The message has been completely lost on her.

Our manager has now asked if I will say something more direct to her myself, since the problem affects me most, and I've said I will.

I'd just be grateful for some advice on how to do this in a reasonable, effective way, since I'm not her (or anyone's) manager. She's young and fairly inexperienced and I think likes to think out loud/sound me out on everything - everything - for reassurance, more than she needs to. She's also quite sensitive and prone to tears so I know she's going to cry, however nice I am. And I do want to be nice, whilst being honest and firm, because I have to work so closely with her and don't want to make an enemy. And she is a fundamentally nice, sweet person; there's no malice there – just endless wittering!

But my goodness, I need to be able to get more work done! I need most of my energy to be going on the job I'm actually paid to do, not on listening/responding to her.

Many thanks for any tips. (And please don't suggest headphones – they're banned! [weep])

Or you could listen to music on headphones?

Agh missed the last bit! Sorry. But banned? Why?

Be honest. Say her interruptions break your concentration which means you struggle to complete your work. Maybe suggest set breaks for tea / coffee where she can ask anything / have a chat? Or requests for work guidance to be emailed so you can reflect and reply when you have time?

So long as you are gentle and explain you do like her, but need to work she'll be OK. She may get upset but she will survive. Better this than you snap and shout "FFS shut up!" at her one day.

Good luck.

Loppy headphones are banned in lots of places due to health and safety

Here are several potential issues here. Is she performing in her role? Or is it just that she is affecting you/others? Is she asking you about work stuff, questions about how to do the job or is it other stuff?

Why don't you approach it with an explanation of how you have a real problem focusing and you need it to be really quiet because otherwise you get all panicky and can't concentrate? Ask her if she could help you and try to not talk to you at all except at lunchtime or whatever. You are going to have to make her realise that it is a big issue for you and that she needs to not talk to you at all during work time, even if she feels bad about it. Good Luck!

Your manager really does have sloping shoulders doesn't she. You could take the shit sandwich approach ur

You know I really enjoy chatting with you

But I find it hard to concentrate and am falling behind on work so you need to STFU

Why don't we go for lunch/ a coffee after work to catch up instead ?

Thanks for the fast replies.

Headphones are banned for a number of reasons, and only relatively recently (they were my saviour before!) - partly because one newish colleague put them on as a default first thing and wore them all day, which seemed a bit standoffish; partly because our (lovely) manager wants the team to be more vibrant and seem more collaborative and approachable (which makes sense in a way, because all the other roles aren't like ours - they're inherently more chatty); and mostly partly because another manager is on a bit of a control freak streak at the moment ...

I know not all jobs are suitable for headphone use - especially very talkative, extrovert kind of jobs. But some are - the kind where what you're doing is a bit like being in an exam/writing an essay all day! (Jobs like mine.) I routinely can't hear myself think (it's quite a noisy office generally) and regularly go home feeling mentally drained.

I hadn't heard of the health and safety rationale for them being banned in other places. What's that about then?

Anyway, thanks for the advice about being nice but clear. That was my plan essentially. I just don't want her to cry on me!

She is performing to a degree, but there is definitely potential for more productivity there, which she has been called up on by our manager; she could get more done. Her talking affects me most, because we sit together, but she talks to/interrupts everyone in the office, just to a lesser degree (more when I'm not in) - including our manager. Most of the chat is about work, but it's asking about things that really don't need to be asked about; reading her research findings aloud off her monitor; talking about the politics of the place in minute detail; updating me on the minutiae of every meeting she's been to/whatever she's working on - and most of it isn't necessary or useful talking.

I don't think it's ever occurred to her that she talks so much and that this is a bit selfish and interferes with others' ability to do their work.

Sigh.

Thanks again. I've just got to bite the bullet and do it.

Is it questions about work or just general waffling on? If the former it sounds like she needs more training or doe sort of session your manager needs to set up. If it's general witted then don't pretend or make stuff up. Point out the 18 interruptions thing and say please could you cut the chat as I can't get on.

Be very clear about how much she is interrupting and how difficult this is: if you fudge that, she's still be upset but you won't have solved your problem.

Alongside that, I would suggest offering something positive such as more training, a more formal mentoring procedure (our newbies have the chance to discuss large pieces of work with a senior colleague at a particular stage so any howlers are caught) or just pastoral support at set times.

Cross-posted. Thanks for further suggestions. I like the 'sh*t sandwich' idea!

Yes, there does appear to be a sloping shoulders issue here. Not sure why my manager can't have the more direct word, since this issue has affected her too (particularly when I've not been in), and it's her job as our manager to address this kind of problem. But she's so lovely in other ways, so I'm just sucking this request up.

Maybe ask for her "help"? Say that you are struggling to concentrate because some people in the office (not her) break your concentration and what would she suggest?

Well, at least this way if your words of advice don't work, you can then escalate it to your manager. Who will have the much harder job, because junior colleague will have ignored you and may actually have to be disciplined then.

More training/mentoring is an interesting idea, since most of the chat is about work.

But honestly, I think she's fine; she's capable enough to just get on with it (most of the time). I think she is simply one of those people who thinks out loud about pretty much everything. It's how she processes information, energises for work, etc - to vocalise it all. Except this doesn't work for everyone else!

Good advice to be absolutely clear and unequivocal about it being an issue, and quoting the stats is a good idea too. Thanks.

Managers quite often don't fancy talking straight and try to devolve these things, convincing themselves that they are enabling their teams to problem solve.
However if nobody talks straight to her at this stage, then it will likely never happen and you'll all be stuck helpless. Do it while she's new, seriously.

Ask to be moved.

Your manager should take the shit on this one.
If you're paid as a manager then you do it, but if you're not let those who are paid to shovel it, and let you get on and do your own job.

Get signed off sick if you are feeling stressed, explain why to your manager and get her do do her job and manage your noisy colleague.

Health and safety don't stop you wearing earplugs, if all the above fails.

I feel your pain. I now share with a lovely junior colleague who reads aloud. Well, sort of: it's a kind of breathy whisper. I don't think she realises she does it, and most days she doesn't do it much. But on busy stressed days there is a constant sibilant noise and it makes me ratty. I'm going to have to say something next time. All this gritting is wearing my teeth out.

original, my manager has already tried the read-between-the-lines approach and it was utterly lost on her. There isn't a jot of self-awareness there at all I'm afraid; if I were to say what you suggest, she'd genuinely think well who could that be then - it wouldn't occur to her that it's her! Thanks, though.

Good advice, Abbie.

I can so relate to ending up feeling ratty with it. DP has lost track of the amount of times I've come home and ranted about not being able to knuckle down, poor man.

I am (perhaps pathetically) a bit reluctant to rock the boat and hand back the cr*p to my manager to deal with. I'm pregnant, she has been amazingly, uncommonly supportive (I've been sick as a dog), and she knows I'd like to return from maternity leave late next year on reduced hours and is supportive of this. I don't want to do anything that'll rock the boat over the next few months and risk scuppering my return to work. So I'm just saying yes and going for it with The Chat. And even the director above her thinks it should be me who has The Chat.

My colleague isn't that new - she's been here about a year. Except beforehand, I had headphones and white noise at my disposal for particularly chatty days/engrossing writing tasks. I feel like I've lost a comfort blanket!

Does she know exactly what you're working on just now? Could you say you are particularly busy / need to concentrate, and thus you need two / three hours of no interruption. If she NEEDS to ask you something she can write it down and you'll be available for 10 mins at 1 o'clock?

Then repeat this daily, giving her a wee window in which she can ask for advice, but make it clear that you'll not tolerate interruptions outwith that time.

Perhaps even put a visual clue on your desk - eg when a file is at the end of your desk she is not to disturb you, and move it for a wee while every day.

And be fair: make sure before The Chat you curtail your bad habits! No more nose-picking, farting, random loud swearing or tea-slurping for you, my dear!

This is really your manager's job to address. Does she not care that you could screw up your working relationship?

If you have to do it, I would be as direct as possible, and actually honest that your manager has asked you to have a word. Say that it's fine to discuss work issues, but not ongoing throughout the day, because it means you can't get on with your own work. If she wants to email you with the issues, and then you could arrange set "interruption" times every couple of hours or so to discuss them. If she's asking the same questions, then ask her to refer to her own notes (or whatever) rather than ask you.

Say you cannot multitask between work and chatting, and it's lowering productivity, and this has been noticed by management.

I wouldn't sugar coat it too much, since it's been hinted at plenty, but nothing has changed.

If she carries on, stop working and say "please can we chat about this in our break" or "please can you hold off with the questions until the agreed time, and email me".

You're going to need to be firm with your boundaries until it's become habit.

Reassure her that you like her, but you can't risk losing your job through lack of productivity. You can say that you'd love to chat in breaks etc too (if it's true).

It sounds as if this maybe almost unconscious on her part too. She may not realise how much she talks. This may mean she will take a while to retrain herself. What you could do is try a collaborative approach.."We will not get as much work done if we chat too much. We must keep it too lunchtimes. It is great to share stuff, but I realised that last Thursday I got distracted and was about three hours behind...I think we were talking about xyz. Some I am sure you agree we need to clbuckle down and concentrate. How do you think we should tackle this?"

If you can, lead her into having some kind of trigger word/phrase you agree to say to each other if chat is too much. This will save you having to think of something to say each time she slips iyswim.

Good luck.

I would talk to her about different styles of processing information. Explain that you know she is someone who processes things by verbalising them; but you are someone who does it by writing it out and silent thinking. Explain that this clash of styles means that you can't be effective. Ask if she is able to work effectively without verbalising things- she may be almost unconscious of doing it.

if she says that she actually can't work except by doing thing aloud then I do think you have to be physically separated. Her way of working is perfectly valid in itself, but only if she is with other colleagues who deal well with noise.

Just say outright that you're busy and you need to concentrate. However, your manager needs to manage it and stop being a wimp, she's manager that means managing!