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Original poster

have you quit a highly paid job?

26 replies

SANA · 06/09/2006 15:40

I am going crazy, I earn decent money, work hard but I am seriously thinking of packing it all in next year after baby no 2 arrives. The thing is I am always rushing and feel I am really missing out on DS ( who is 18mths) & growig up to quickly. I hated when DS started nursery ( tears!!) & not sure I could go through all this again with the second one.My friends/family think the idea is crazy....what if I cant get a job after the kids are school................anyone made the leap & have a happy story to tell????????

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 06/09/2006 15:41

Yes, I did. B/c it was slowly driving me spare.

sweetkitty · 06/09/2006 15:53

I did! DD1 was approaching 6 months and I couldn't face handing her over to a nursery, she is mine all mine and I was in tears imagining someone else feeding her, changing her, singing to her etc I just knew I would be utterly miserable back in my old job. So my boss sort of swung it so I was made redundant so I could keep my extra maternity pay/get redundancy.

To afford it we moved out of London and back to Scotland where we are both from, I now have DD2 as well. I absolutely do not regret it, somedays it's boring and I do miss the money cannot deny that but I just keep telling myself they are only babies once.

LaidbackinAsia · 06/09/2006 16:10

I did ... both DH and I quit our well paid jobs to spend more time with the kids. Had to move to the middle of Asia to afford it ...but no regrets.

Our relationship is great and our kids are thriving . If you can afford it or find a way of having a lifestyle change then go for it

blueshoes · 06/09/2006 16:21

I did not quit my job or drastically change my lifestyle. But opted for a flexible job with reduced hours in the same company, which leveraged my experience and skills in previous role. Although the flexibility came with a discount (on top of prorated pay for reduced hours), because it was a high paying job to begin with, I still ended up with a fairly good wage and child friendly arrangement.

And allows me to keep one toe in the workplace and my skills ticking over.

Love this arrangement.

SufferingInSilence · 06/09/2006 16:27

I quit - or was foced to as I was made redundant- after the birth of ds2.
I did not want to do the same job anyway because really too stressful.
So I opted for self employement on a part time basis. Great for me because I found I NEED this time wo the children to enjoy the time I spent with them. Very personal choice though.
Also, I found it difficult not to have some money that was mine and just mine.

CantSleepWontSleep · 06/09/2006 16:29

I was self employed, so not sure it technically counts as 'quitting a job', but I earned a lot, and now I earn nothing (though DD is only 7 months, so still getting used to it!).

I worry a little about what if I want to go back to it, because I will quickly get out of date with the piece of software that I work with, but I could always go back to being an accountant if all else failed.

Who knows what the future may hold years down the line, so I say do what's best for you and your family now.

LOOBYLOU2 · 06/09/2006 16:37

I went back to work when my DD was four months
because I loved my job and thought I could have everything ....
(Five months later I was made redundant - and yes they offered my job to the man who had covered my maternity leave but unfortunately he had handed his notice into me that morning so no court case there!) I went back to work with another firm six months later and gave it all up for good this July.
I love it and after all the juggling and stressing about being a bad mother and ratty wife - I really appreciate it!
I love the freedom to choose what we will do today and the luxury of "time"
so what I now have to walk past Hobbs and Jigsaw...
I have a much more relaxed child(we always had tears at nursery) and I can hold a conversation after 9pm!!

Twiglett · 06/09/2006 16:39

yes

in 2002 (June to be exact was the last time I worked)

do it do it do it do it

if you want more details ask away

heiferjamese · 06/09/2006 18:05

yep and despite being skint for the first time in my life, no regrets...

DD 2.8 and only just realised what we will have to go without now only 1 wage... (we had some savings that we have dipped into, now all gone, so just the 1 wage to live on - about the 3rd month of this, so still adjusting.....

DO IT, DO IT, DO IT. you can always go back to work if you don't like being a SAHM, but I bet you won't want to....

I see my friends rushing around every day, getting their children to nursery and themselves to work, then picking up children, then not enjoying the time they have with them as knackered and trying too hard to do it all...

We on the other hand are often found in our PJS at 10.30 AM if we are not going anywhere in the morning...

And we can take so much time walking back through the woods, (as much time as my patience can stand)...

We do have some things planned though each week (ie mother and toddler group and mini musicians, just made sure not something everyday).

Do IT

USAUKMum · 06/09/2006 20:00

I did too. I was away from home 12 hrs a day before DD, went back part time after her. But after losing a DS at 20wks, then birth of DS 13 mths later. Realised what was important and now a happy SAHM. But found with DD starting school last year, that she needs me more than ever. And when she said to me "Mommy it is so sad that not everyone can have their mummy pick them up. I love you." That I knew I did the right thing. Plenty of time for work later.

mazzystar · 06/09/2006 20:02

Sort of. It was well paid for the sector.

Is there any chance of working part-time or wouldn't that do it for you?

CarlyP · 06/09/2006 20:17

I'm about too! I work in the city, went back p.t when ds1 was 10wks. went back 4 days/wk (but 7am-5pm) when he was 6mths and had ds2 5mths after that, took 6mths off, then went back 4days/wk again. waiting for some money to br 'freed up' which we will know for def this friday, then training to be a doula and leaving london so i can work and do something i WANT to do which will fit in around the boys being at preschool most of the time.....with some extra help here and there. we will be alottttt worse off, but we can live, and my boys will be happier. i was the total career and have it all girl. now i want time, my boys, and some quality of life. we have enough to finish renovating our house, and instead of moving agian (we only moved in in apr 2005!) we will chill here for a while. if i have to go back into the city for 6m/1yr in a cpl of yrs so we can move again i will. but for now i need some me and my boys time. im fed up with someone else effectively bringing up my boys.

mabel1973 · 06/09/2006 21:24

I did it. We agreed when I got pg that we didn't want DS going in to nursery (DH particularly against it), inititally he was going to be a SAHD, as I earned more than him, but after my maternity leave finished I really couldn't face going back so I quit my job and basically our income more than halved. As it had been my job keeping us down south, we decided to sell up and move back up north to be closer to our families.
I am now pg with No.2 (due tommrow!) and don't regret it one bit. We have made new friends, there are loads of playgroups and clubs that I take DS to, so he is well socialised and so am I. I shop at new look, tesco and asda for my clothes these days, and we only have 1 car but that's hardly a sacrifice. I worked in a fast moving industry and it would be hard for me to get back up to speed with it, but to be honest I am now training to do something completely different and would be happy if I never went back to my old job.
I do have days when it's boring and really can't stand another day of pretending to be a tractor, but then I clock watched at work and when people say to me 'what do you do all day' as if I must be brain dead - these are the people who are happy to pay a fortune for someone else to amuse their kids!
I think for the sake of taking 5 or so years out of my working life to bring up my children myself, it doesn't make that much difference to us and our lifestyle, but it could make all the difference for them.

TwickenhamMamma · 06/09/2006 22:02

Sana, if it's in your heart then DEFINATELY do it. I quit my executive career in the city to be a SAHM. Yes, you will probably get bored at times and miss the buzz of a high flying career. You may also miss the money and being able to buy whatever you want (like I do at times!). BUT I promise you that in spite of all this, the satisfaction and joy you get from being there every day and watching your baby develop in to a little person is 100% worth it. Careers can be rebuilt but we will never get this time with our babies again. I miss adult talk but just discovered this website this week so there's always people like us around to help, hey girls?! Go for it x

controlfreaky2 · 06/09/2006 22:13

me! sort of.... on one year sabbatical.... but still dosent feel real yet. my boys back at school only 2 days so early days. feels wierd but great so far! wish wish wish i'd done this sooner.

sallyrosie · 07/09/2006 14:12

god sounds so tempting...unfortunately not yet at stage in career where can work part time (no funding available) and still not 'fully trained' so would be nigh on impossible to get back into old career afterwards.
Stayed off a year after dd was born and just loving being off on mat leave waiting for no 2 to arrive. No au pair anymore, house tidy, meals eaten together in the evenings, no getting back late at night when dd fast asleep...
I think I'd really really miss the intellectual challenge of being at work though, and the social side of it - I'm younger than the other mums at toddler group and just have nothing in common with them...no one I know from work my age has children.
Is such a difficult decision...

CarlyP · 07/09/2006 17:31

why not take a job which you can fit in (alot of the time) around your dc's? may be less salary, but youd still be out and about a bit?....might be a compromise.

Littlefish · 07/09/2006 17:39

Sort of - I changed companies and took a job which was part time, with much less responsibility and I absolutely love it*. My evenings are my own again, my days off with dd are wonderful, and the weekends are spent doing proper family things with dd and dh, rather than working.

I'm not even thinking about what happens in a few years. I'll make those decisions later.

I think you really need to make decisions on what you want out of your life now, rather than stumbling over the "what ifs" all the time.

Good luck with your decision.

Kaz33 · 07/09/2006 19:48

Another left city job for life of SAHM - struggled until DS2 was about one, juggling to much and hating that my nanny knew my kids better than me.

Finally, got the strength to leave my job and although its been a bit tough managing on one salary haven't looked back.

I think the social network is incredibly important. I didn't have one in London and was terribly lonely.

We moved a year ago, DS1 started school and that has been a total lifesaver.

Good luck with whatever you decide. If you decide to stay working it doesn't make you a bad mum.

foxinsocks · 07/09/2006 19:57

I've found the longer you're off work, the more you lose your work confidence. I want to go back (once ds is at school) but I've found it incredibly hard to get back into it - lots of people younger and more ambitious going for the same jobs and it is incredibly difficult getting back into the whole 'chain gang' mentality of working again.

I think if there is a chance that, financially, your salary will be required again then I wouldn't give up work - perhaps it might be worthwhile trying to reduce your hours for a year or so but once you stop working for a long length of time (say over a few years), it really is very hard to get back into it again.

xoxoxo · 08/09/2006 18:01

I gave up massive job - or rather they gave up on me when I said I was pregnant, but either way I don't regret it.
ds is almost 4 and dd is 2; I ahve not worked apart from small bits of consultancy in 4 years.

My experience is that if you can afford to go without yr salary then do it. The fact that you are torn about it shows which way you are leaning.

BUT you must accept that your salary will be less/ position less when you return. No getting round it. You've had a career break and it comes at a price. But, I could not put a price on playing with my kids for their growing years.

It's a choice. This is whta works for us. Your circumstances will be different to everyone elses.

Good luck

Judy1234 · 09/09/2006 18:04

I love working full time and not sure my children would have survived or me(!) if I'd ever looked after them for long periods. So depends on the person and it should be both people in a couple deciding. No reason for it to be the woman giving up work, no reason for the woman to be tired and doing too much. May be your other half just doesn't do as much as you at home and curing that problem would make things easier?

aviatrix · 09/09/2006 19:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Frizbe · 09/09/2006 20:23

I quit when dd1 was 6mths (went self employed doing something entirely different, in my own time, so it fits around the kids) and although I miss the money, the bonus (and the people sometimes) I know I'm doing the right thing for the kids, (have no2 as well now) as I can work around them, with minimal childcare involved and I can see how happy and well adjusted they are and more importantly I'm sane too

sfxmum · 09/09/2006 20:44

yes am about to do it, 3 days to go.
i went back when dd was 1yr old stayed the contractual 3months and now am leaving. i had planned to stay until/if i got baby number 2 but work just refused flexibility, shame because dh's did and we thought we could manage the childcare between us, nursery its just not for us, not yet anyway
but am happy to leave will study in the meantime

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