Working full time as children get older... Harder, not easier!

[Softcookie]

So much is written about how hard it is to go back to work after having babies, the agony of leaving them, the childcare logistics, the stress... And hardly anything about parenting older children when working full time.

I have 2 dcs aged 8 and 6. I remember how relieved i was to go back to work when they were little, i was a zombie cos they were not sleeping but i was secure in their childcare and delighted to be in the company pf adults during the day. I didn't miss the long hours of intense physical work that is dealing with babies and toddlers!

But now.... I find it so much harder. Partly its because they are fun, they are people. Partly because they are growing so fast it hurts. Partly because i feel their needs are not as easily met by non - parents... Homework, friendship, after school activities etc. so i feel they need me more, and that I'm missing out on the best years. Im afraid ill blink and they'll be gone.

Part time unfortunately not an option in my v high pressured environment... Am i mad to think about giving up work now? Anyone else feels the same?

Information about Parental Leave.

Prental leave entitlement - only until child is 5 yrs old not any use for us all stressed trying to juggle older children seems like a pointless opportunity -- would be more useful to manage school holidays - or GCSE exam times for older children.

I totally agree and sympathise with much of this thread. I found it mush easier to do longer hours when mine were tiny and in nursery. I've cut my hours back slightly every year as they've got older and finally now they are 8 and 5 I am going 0.4fte. Some of my friends are saying things like 'what will you do all day when they are at school'........ermmmm, plenty busy thank you!

I do get the issue of a big loss of financial security for the future - as mentioned above ie one partner working longer - deposits for children, mortgage paid off - tuition fees etc......but it is always a balance - I feel that I need to deal with the here and now - the last chance to do the best emotionally for my kids - they wont have the luxury of worrying about tuition fees and house deposits - if I risk neglecting their emotional developmental / mental health and academic achievements/ opportunities by not being present now for them. Also my husbands life would be much nicer and less stressed if I didnt work as all he would have to do is rock up to work. I am worried tho that I am at such a low point that I could throw in the towel and regret it rather than look to negotiate less hours. But maybe I should look positively and "jump" - so take the next 2 years out - which would be a good emotional investment to get my oldest thru A levels, 2nd thru GCSEs, 3rd to settle and do the best for her MH issues and the youngest to 11+.....also my own health has deteriorated over the past few years due to the stress of it all -- I am on ADs, overweight, high blood pressure - contsant stress related illnesses - chest infections, back ache, mouth ulcers, cold sores, insomnia.....

Deepest - that sounds awful! I ended up in a&e yesterday with blood pressure issues. Back on the pills then. My dh will retire in 8 years - we are not prepared. There is no way I can pack in my job as it will be down to me to keep him and dd (who will reach Uni age then) and they don't tend leave home in Belgium - no e.g. Russell Group/Oxbridge advantage in travelling miles away. The perils of marrying an older man whose pension is not up to scratch.

Deepest I was made redundant 2 yrs ago, have dcs 9 and 6 and feel so much better for not working. Less stressed, healthier which is obviously better for everyone. I know it does depend on your field of work and finances but is definitely worth considering seriously..

Hi deepest. Sounds really tough- could you take a bit of unpaid leave/ reduce hours for a few months through this crucial time? Sounds like you need it for you too. Take care.

Just wanted to thank everyone who took the time to post. It makes me feel better to know im not the only one struggling.

I think it boils down to not enjoying my work and resenting the stress and lack of flexibility that comes with it. I wish there was a way to change track somehow

Is there a way? What is your ideal? Try and find a bit of time to think. There may be other options

I agree, maybe spend time looking into other jobs that may give you that while keeping some money coming in / I did change to a more flexible job from a very inflexible one and it worked well. Although perhaps you need a rest to be able to determine the way forward - good luck op!