SAHM - to be or not to be!

[nappyrat]

I am faced with a dilemma...should I become a SAHM to my 10 mo, or go back 2.5 days a week.

Don't really need the money, so it's not financially driven, but the job would be stressful, with much more than just the 2.5 days, and my LO is not ready for nursery (just yet). But I'm worried I might be bored as a SAHM (although I really hope not, as I think it's such an amazing thing to do), and might be lonely, lose my confidence, never earn this much again etc.

I am so torn. I change my view on an hourly basis. :(

Any SAHMs out there, please tell me whether it was the right decision for you, and why!

Thankyou x

I'm not in touch with any mums from toddler groups
It's the school mums I find you start to make friends with
Mostly through your children asking for classmates round for tea etc
& the year spent in soft play hell cafes attending parties when they first start school

Thankyou so much everyone. Xx

Is there any possibility of extending your leave for say another three months. And you might have a better idea of what you want to do. I'd tend to favour going back for the 2.5 days rather than being an SAHM.

I love being a SAHM and I have never found it boring! Having said that, I live in Paris where there is always plenty to do. I do think that enjoyment of SAHmotherhood is often correlated to where you live and whether you have money to do nice things with your DC.

I vote go back. You can always give it up if it doesn't work out. Part time and flexibility within a career of your choice is an amazing opportunity. I went back working full time and while it has been a struggle, now my children are older, I am so glad I did. Many of my friends who chose to be SAHMs are now are looking for work, want local work, part time and flexible around school hours, and can not find anything above minimum wage or that will stretch their brains.
I am very pessimistic of the view that you can find something part time or work for yourself 'later' after being out of the work place for a significant amount of time. Yes, some people can, and are able to market themselves and find opportunities. However, do not under estimate the affect of lack of confidence from being out of the work place and the limitations of older children in school on your future options.

I'd echo the fact that the opportunity to continue a career 2.5 days a week isnt ne that comes easily to most people. I'd give it a shot for 6 months and see how it goes.

OP I vote go back. Part time working with one child isn't tricky. And unless you are independently wealthy you always have a need for money and some semblance of your own financial independence.

You never know what the future might bring so always good to keep your toe in the 'employment waters'. Lots of women also struggle to resume work/their career after time off and often have to re enter the job market making compromises about level of job.

So I would def stay in work!

Also OP it's important to think about the long game -- if you are say 30 now and you decide to be a SAHM for 6 years then want to go back to work you may discover it's hard to resume your career and have to compromise and do a job at a lower level which you may find frustrating.

What does that mean about your long term work prospects?? Eg What are you going to be doing work wise at 40? At 45? At 55? At 60? Always best to keep your foot in work so you don't lose a toehold.

Sorry to be effusive but think it's really important to be realistic and not romantic about the future.

If i could get genuinely part time e.g . 2 to 3 days i would give going back a good try. It sounds like a nice balance of more time with them than not and keeping your hand in work wise. I am green with envy to be honest.

I vote go back, I did and never regretted it, although it was hard. Jobs that have the necessary flexibility for the school years are as rare as hen's teeth and it really helps with finding one if you keep working. I had two DCs two years apart, it was lovely having a second mat. leave with my toddler around.

10 years since my 1st DC was born, of my friends that kept working, most of them now have professional, part time, semi flexible jobs that pay well and their DH's tend to muck in with childcare because they always have done. The ones that became SAHMs are either totally happy with hobbies etc and no intention of ever going back or despondent because they can't find any work that fits round their DCs and their DH's have built careers that are totally dependent on the wife doing 100% of childcare.

I also vote go back.

I was a sahp for 14 months because that was how long it took for me to find a job!!!

For the last 7 months, I have been a temp worker in lower paid jobs that just about cover 50hrs/wk childcare for 1 dc with all the other expenses of tax/ni and fuel.

Personally after DC 2 arrives and i've had about 9-12 months off, i'll be looking for a job again.

My personal experience is that once you are out of the job market even for only 14 months as I was, its very, very tough to return.

I think you need to try and look at this a little longer term. If you want to have any semblance of decent paid work and even a well paid part-time career (for which normally you need to get in full time and negotiate the flexibility/part time afterwards) - you should go back to work.

It's a myth that finding work later for career mums is easy. I think it's much harder to get jobs now, even for those who have consistently worked throughout the child-rearing years.

If you can afford to take time out and money will never be an issue, then you have a great luxury. However, what if your hubby lost his job one day? How will you manage long term? Do you have enough savings?

I seriously think people under-estimate how difficult it is for parents to find work again after a long period of absence. There is very high competition for jobs, depressingly so.

For only 2.5 days a week? Go back to work.

Honestly, I'm torn. I appreciate that I can be a SAHM, I think for the children it's brilliant to always have someone there to take them to school, pick them up, look after them if they are sick. But on the flip side, I don't like being completely dependant, I hate not having my own income, I miss adult company and conversation (although that's also partly because my H works away from home a lot so I'm on my own a lot).
I wouldn't like to do this forever, but then children aren't little forever. I think if our relationship were more balanced, ie H worked closer to home and was home every evening, I'd definitely want to go out to work.

I threw myself into being a SAHM and loved it. Ended up becoming a breastfeeding counsellor, sitting on NHS comittees, running support groups, helpung to run local playgroups. Did loads with the kids. Also started my own business working from home which I would never have done if I had gone back to work.

It's only 2.5 days a week.

I've been a SAHM for 12 yrs, youngest is now 10. I had very short maternity leave after DC1 and was back working after 3 mths, part time with stints of full cover. Had DC2 21mths after DC1, had another 6 mths off then back to work. Working was finance related but with 2 in childcare it became less important. Health issues finally made the decision for me to leave completely. Had third DC. Job was professional role, always intended to return but eventually left my professional registration body as couldn't see me returning. Me being a SAHM meant never any worries when kids were ill from school, meetings, plays, sports matches etc could always be attended. I got involved with committees etc. But now, despite flitting around various other part time jobs and self employed opportunities, if I am honest I do regret that I am no longer in my previous role. With my health issues and our less than normal home situation (smallholding) I don't think that I could now work as well, but I don't have the mental stimulation and also feel that I really don't achieve a lot compared to my peers. I had my kids relatively early-peers in the same profession are only now having kids, 10 or more years later than we did, so are now well established in their careers and it seems easier for them to go back to that (plus the luxury of 1yrs ML-that would have been amazing!). I have been out of the role for so long now and wasn't that well established due to my age having kids that it would take a lot of retraining to return. I guess the grass is always greener, but I think if I had been able to keep my hand in by doing a few days a week then I would be in a better situation now. Honestly-I am a bit bored. I have more stuff to do in a day than hours available but it is dull monotonous stuff and I do feel mentally stagnant! Health does play a large part in my situation but my advice would be this-if you're not sure, go back to work and try it for a while. If it seems to be working out for you then stick at it. There will come a point when you kid(s) are older, at school and you have more time available and they have less need for you, and at that point if you have baled on your career you may be like me and wishing that you hadn't. However if you do go back and find it really isn't working for you, then it is easier enough to resign at a later date-but at least you will have tried it. Better to regret something you did rather than something you didn't do. HTH!

*your kids

I went back to work 2.5 days a week - have recently had to increase it to 3 days because 2.5 just wasn't workable - meetings kept getting scheduled for my half day and I had no time to do any admin so I mostly worked 3 days anyway but wasn't getting paid for it!
I'm debating becoming a SAHM when we have dc2 because as it is I spend all of my time rushing about, I can't imagine being organised enough to do it with 2 dc! It is a difficult choice though, I have a job I really enjoy and can't imagine finding anything similar after a long break.

I have 4 DCs, youngest will be at school from September and I have done it all: SAHM, WOHM, WAHM, part time, full time. And after so many years I think I can give you a view.

It is worth hanging on to your job for 6 months: see how it all pans out; how the baby settles in, how you feel, and how things progress. It might be that you enjoy it or that you absolutely hate it - you will only know once you've gone back. You will not regret it if you give it a go and then give up, whilst if you give up now you'll think you could have at least given it a go. I hope this helps.

Like others said though, I would advocate staying in some form of employment as it will pay off later and it is always best to retain some degree of financial independence, but that's just the uber cautious view.