I don't know if I want to do my job anymore...

[DirtyThree]

Bit of background: Did a middle-of-the-road degree and ended up in my now job which is in a niche area of HR. On paper, I've got absolutely nothing to complain about (£50k to work from home 4 days a week, good benefits, good autonomy, ok colleagues, job security, potential for progression etc etc) but I'm beginning to lose all enthusiasm for it.

I left uni not having a clue what to do, and hadn't had a great time and ended up with a 2:2 and was lacking confidence to apply for any grad schemes. So that fact that I ended up in a relatively interesting job in a specialist area gave me a confidence boost and I think I was so relieved to be doing something that was ok that I've kidded myself into thinking that I'd do this kind of thing forever.

DD is 2yo and I'm 8+6 with DC2 and I cannot wait for maternity leave, more to have a break from work than anything. I've been back at work from my last maternity leave for a year, for the first 4 months I did 3 days a week and since then I've been doing 4 days a week and I find 4 days much harder. My role has also changed ever so slightly in the last couple of months and I think it's this change which is making me bored/apathetic. Given work have been so flexible with my return and the fact that I'll be going off again next summer, I don't really feel at liberty to tell them this and given the current economic climate, kind of need to sit tight and ride it out until maternity leave. Big changes are afoot in the next 12 months so I'm sure it'll be different after I return from having a year off on mat leave, yet there is a little part of me that is hoping that voluntary redundancy might be offered again. I'd walk away with about £25k which isn't a huge amount, but it's enough to cover our mortgage and some for at least a year.

I have no idea what I'd do if I wasn't working. I would love to run my own business but doing what I couldn't tell you. I'd love to have more time pottering at home and do something that ignites a passion. It all sounds backwards, but I'm concerned that the longer I stay put the more the money and the flexibility will harder to walk away from and and I'll be "stuck" not being able to walk away because it's such a "good thing".

DH earns a bit less than me, and is currently trying to set his own business up and whilst that's taking off it means there is a lot of financial pressure on me. When I was at school/uni I wanted to be independent, have a career and my own money and all that, and actually now I'm feeling more and more envious of my friends who are SAHMs who have time/energy to go to the gym, potter about with their toddlers, see friends and family a lot, and do craft stuff or cakes or wedding planning on the side. That's not to say I'd be happy making cakes, but they all seem so resourceful, like they can turn their hand to something else ok so for the main part their husbands earn really well.... Maybe it's a case of the grass is always greener because on the face of it, my work life balance isn't that bad but I can't stop this niggle that I could be doing something that I felt more enthused in and that the corporate world is a load of bullshit and I'd get more satisfaction/time/money out of something else.

Geez. A lottery win feels like the best solution at this point in time. It's ok to tell me I sound like a spoilt brat moaning about how good I've got it but really I just want to spend my time doing stuff I want to do, not feeling underwhelmed and irritated by the majority of my day to day as it is.

A friend of mine is in the process of buying a dive shop abroad and part of me thinks "yes but that's not the real world is it" and the other part of me is green with envy for having something she loves doing that she can go and make a living out of - and in the sunshine.

I dunno. Not sure what I'm hoping to get from this post. Ultimately I want to do less work and earn more money - logically I know this isn't how life works and I thought I'd accepted it, yet now it all feels like a bit of a trap.

Can I have your job? Please?

I feel the same....I have a great job (financially) but the stress is overwhelming at times... I couldn't be a full time mum, it would drive me crazy! I like to work but...not my current career though...I would love to have another child and "have an excuse" to focus on something else...But I can't afford it, I would put my health at risk (long story) and, obviously, wanting to run away from your job is not an acceptable justification to have baby number 2! Lol
I am also lost...I can't help you =(

The trouble is as well, until recently I always thought I'd just progress up the ranks and earn more, but now I'm just not sure if I can be arsed to do that - it'll mean a bigger commitment, more time working in the office and that means less time at home with my children. And that's with the flexibility my current employer offers. I could earn more now if I found something else but I don't want to be office based as that means 2-3 hours a day commuting.

I want to work but do something that doesn't feel like work.... And get paid well for it.

I totally understand where you are coming from, however...

£50k for four days a week is a lot of money to lose. It's more than half your household income so all the little treats and things you take for granted will probably go too. You may well have to start watching every penny.

I've worked full time, four days and part-time. I've also had stints at home. One thing I do know is that work gives my life some structure.

Yes, it's lovely doing the baking and the crafty bits and thinking about starting a business but seriously, are you really going to do that? There are lots of people on here who regret giving up work when eight years later they find they can't even get a basic admin job.

It's tough out there at the moment so don't do anything rash. There are very few companies I know of that would allow you to work four days a week from home. Use your maternity leave wisely and plan plan plan.

Well my ft salary is £50k (I use annual leave to take off a day a week).

And you're right the baking and crafting thing is not for me but now I've got that disillusioned feeling I wonder if I can shake it off or if it will always be there.

Take the maximum maternity leave and pretend you are not going back to work. At the end of it, will you feel relieved or dreading to go back? At least give yourself till then to make the decision.

Because it is not easy for you to get back into a pt job with relatively good pay, I would be very circumspect to give it up for baking at home. Maybe the answer is to change jobs, rather than give it up completely.

Your dh's business is also not stable. I would be concerned if his business went south for whatever reason and you find yourself de-skilled and unable to re-enter the workforce at anywhere near the same level.

Running your own business doesn't have to involve baking cakes or crafting. The most successful self-employed people are usually running a business based on what they were already doing. Is that a possibility or would that not be enough of a departure?

blue I'll deffo go back after mat leave unless ivechad a brainwave in the meantime... I know I can't walk away at the moment (maybe that's what's driving me to push against it - ie I feel a bit trapped).

flowery I had semi-thought of that but I think the essence of the job is no longer floating my boat.

Funny as I used to love it but now I just feel apathy towards it. But I've always been a bad "finisher" who gets bored easily and wants to move on to the next thing.

I'd love to be one if those success stories with a business that organically grows, is something really unique and just works. I suspect over thinking it and feeling desperate to think of something will be counterproductive.

Best buy a lottery ticket eh?!

Op, I feel exactly the same as you except I have had that time off and although i did the nice baking and crafty bits I didn't launch a business! My thinking was exactly the same as yours though. If only...

A lot of people at work feel exactly the same. I think it's pretty normal if you've done a job for a certain length of time. You don't have to climb the ladder though and you can just use it to pay the bills.

I haven't launched a business so far because I've realised that I would have to use a lot of skills that I don't particularly enjoy (i.e. selling, networking, social media). I've also realised that I actually want a fairly decent level of security which working for yourself doesn't offer.

Like one of the posters above said, take your full maternity leave and see how you feel at the prospect of not going back.

This book might be worth a look at when it comes out in Feb. The author talks a lot of sense.

"I want to work but do something that doesn't feel like work.... And get paid well for it." - so does 99 percent of the population.

I'm in the 1 percent, fortunately, but from an objective point of view: you can do what you are doing now, with its benefits, and do something out of work that makes you feel alive. You can swap, do something else but perhaps earn less or work in an office 4/5 days a week. Or you can start your own business that you can change and adjust as your heart desires, but you'll need to work longer hours to make it work, especially in the beginning.

It will probably always feel like work though. Because you're working, and you'd rather be with your kids.

whereis the business side of things is where I think my strengths lie - I'd love all that "running the business" stuff, yet I don't have a skill or talent or idea to use as a business.

caja I have always gone by the idea that work doesn't define you and can be a means to an end but I have so little free time or energy to do anything outside of work/housework/nursery runs/being mummy&wife&daughter. I know these toddler years are supposed to be hard so I accept that but now I'm losing enthusiasm for my job as well I guess I'm getting a bit philosophical about things!!

Op, I always thought that I'd love all that 'running the business' too. I'm a PA and have worked for several very successful entrepreneurial types so understand exactly what's required to run a successful business. I also have experience in another area which in theory I could turn into a business.

All the people I've worked for who have succeeded in business and made decent money have an unstoppable killer instinct. They keep on keeping on and when something doesn't work they change direction and do something else. Their eye is always on the bottom line I know of very few people (me included) who actually actually operate like that.

Now, I'm not implying that you want to be the next Karen Brady but if you want to make anything near your current salary (which I suspect you do) then you're going to need to adopt that kind of mindset to a greater or lesser extent not the dithering around (like I have been guilty of!!!).

Thanks whereis. I am motivated by money so have a hunger for that but I think I lack self confidence so it's hard to marry all that up. Give me something to get my teeth into and I'll do it good and well - it's coming up with the idea that I suck at.

I remember writing stories at school - if I had a theme/character/scene then I'd be fine but faced with a generic "write a story" my mind goes blank and I feel myself freeze.

My mum and a close friend have both set u businesses in the last couple of years and I can easily think of things hey can do to improve/grow/expand etc etc and obviously don't share this unless asked but get really frustrated that its not my business to put the ideas into action with!

Oh gawd, i totally feel your pain!

I am exactly the same. I am brilliant at supporting someone else, beavering away in the background, making things happen and coming up with a trillion and one ideas to improve the business but when it comes to doing my own thing I am a complete fart in a trance. It drives me insane.

I've actually come to the conclusion that I need to stick with the day job and set something up as a sideline then if it were a complete flop I haven't lost anything.

It does conflict with one guy I worked for who always said you should give up the day job and work on something 100%. I just wish I had his confidence!

I can totally sympathise!

I feel exactly the same 'over it', if you knew me that would come as a shock. Everyone thinks I'm super career driven, I am really not though, I used to be but now all I want is to be at home with DD, watching her develop, taking her to classes, seeing her play with friends. I want to have a dog, wear jeans to work and be able to do something I am passionate about (I have no idea what this is! I have been too busy at work for find out if I like anything else!).

Truth of it is I am BORED ridged at work which makes being away from DD so much harder, she's 15 months and changes all the time. I'm missing out on so much! I need some home/work balance, it's a precious commodity and seriously lacking! I feel as though I just press buttons and it's not worthwhile, all I do is make corporate bank accounts richer, I am not contributing to anything worthwhile and while I am doing this I am missing out on time with the one thing more precious to me than anything else, DD.

I am the main earner and unfortunately in an industry which is high pressure, fast paced and male, sadly not particularly well paid either but 16 years in to what I start something else would be a killer. Pt or flex is just not possible so I work long, hard hours. I don't see DD in the mornings and if I'm lucky see her for 1/2 hour in the evenings when she is tired and ratty! I also commute 120 miles a day.

I sit at my desk just thinking there has to be a better way/more to life but I don't know anything else, I have no other talents or skills to set me apart, it's hard enough to find jobs now let alone start all over again.

I am exhausted, miserable and want a life. I however have to provide for my family, I want DD to have a great life and great opportunities which is what keeps me going.

The worst of it is all the 'supermums' who judge me for not being there for my baby; the truth of it is the reason I go is for my baby and I want nothing more than to be at home but money doesn't grow on trees and to be at home with her means giving up on her future security, what would you do?

I am insanely jealous of people who have the choice to be at home with their kids, it's never been an option for me, we couldn't afford for me not to work & I don't have a job that would wait for me either.

I do however believe that people are capable of anything if they want it enough and life is short so you have to make of it all you can. Who know's maybe 2014 is time to bite the bullet and make some changes?!

I am not contributing to anything worthwhile and while I am doing this I am missing out on time with the one thing more precious to me than anything else, DD.

This is it totally. Sorry to hear you are feeling the same... I do wonder whether its just natural to feel more homely/mumsy (for want of a better phrase) when the DC are little and that I'd be mad to give up a career for a few years of toddler music classes... Then on the other hand there's part of me that thinks that they really are only little for such a short time that everything else should pale into insignificance!

This week's plan is to do a TEFL course and bugger off round the world.......

It's so hard for that very reason, they are only little for a short time which means making the most of it whilst they are little but on the other hand because they are little for a short time you need to keep your job options open! Horrendous catch 22!

Life is short though, you don't know what's just around the corner and all those other annoying cliches!

Tip around the world sounds lush! Got a good feeling about your lottery win!

My plan this week is to bully hubby into getting a better job!

Just sent DH out for tickets!! I promise I'll share some wig you if we win big

I just wish I had a skill that I loved that I could put to use. A salesy type job might suit me as I'm quite motivated by money so the thrill of the chase and commission might keep me going. I used to work in travel on commission whilst I did my a-levels and raked in the cash and found it a doddle... But actually thinking about it I did get bored of that eventually too... Selling my own business would be grand though....

Sounds like you'd be great at your own business.... I bet you shave some skills you could out to use doing something for yourself! Ebay business ad you are good at selling? Worth maybe setting up on your own? Are you in the type of industry you could work for yourself, even if you are bored doing what you do, you might find you'll have a new lease of life if it was just for you and your family?

*c'se all the typos! Damn iPad!

I empathise and frankly was/is in a v similar situation as you are, in that I'm the main breadwinner and dh is self employed, in a v professional career, but still only set himself up 2 years ago so the money is v precarious.

But... Not to rain on your parade, but how is doing the tefl course going to help you in the grand scheme of things? Will you be really going overseas to teach English as a foreign language? Or be an English teacher in an fe/he college/university?

Could it possibly be the company itself rather than the nature of work that's getting to you? Or is it the job itself? If the former, then you could look for an alternative elsewhere but like others have said, it's not easy replicating your current rather cushy set up. If it's the latter, then maybe you could do some retraining within the same company and do something different.

A lot of highly engaged companies try to do that, giving people the opportunity to change direction within the same company as they want to retain talent and keep them engaged.

Good luck!

Same boat here! Seriously considering leaving my job but am scared shitless at the thought of it. DH earns a decent wage but we're about to buy a house in an area without great schools and may have to send dc to private school, and I don't know if we can afford for me to quit my job. I have stumbled across a masters that I would love to do but that's an additional cost (plus will have to factor in childcare cost if I go back to Uni) and I don't know if the career I end up with after that will pay as well as my current. I currently have very good job security, but can't see myself enjoying the job that awaits at the top of the ladder. I've been considering quitting from as far back as 2007 and have dithered about it by doing a PhD and 2 babies! In fact since 2007, I have 'worked' for a total of 18 months due to my rather successful avoidance strategies! :) I do think this is the year to 'just do it'- we're not going to have more dc and I can't avoid work any longer. I either need to put all my effort into my current job which pays well and has a clear career progression, or quit and go back to school with the risk there may not be a job for me at the other end....

NK a TEFL wouldn't solve all my problems at all, I'm fully aware of that, but at the moment, the thought of opening up a beach-side classroom to teach English sounds like heaven. And fun, and relaxing, and enjoyable, you know.

Go for it Hairy, sounds like you're in a good position. What do you do now and what will you change to do?

For us, the fact that DC2 was always a possibility meant that I could face working 4 days pw for an interim period until the next lot of maternity leave, but I don't think we'll have any more children after DC2 so the thought of no more extended and paid periods of leave is quite daunting!

I was chatting to my cleaner the other day and she just sounded so relaxed about things. She works cash in hand when she wants. I doubt she has to have her blackberry on hand outside of work and won't wake up in the night thinking about work. She doesn't have difficut performance conversations to hold with her team and doesn't have to attend workshops and seminars in Central London on her day off............. I know that she's probably not paid as much and that that is the trade off, but just how stress-free her job must be really hit home. It's not even that mine's specially stressful, but I guess the fact that my motivation for it is diminishing makes me think "gah" about the whole lot of it.

I used to love languages at school and again, due to lack of confidence, never really let myself excel at them. I remember doing one of those What Career Is Best For You type tools when I was at uni or doing A-levels and translator came up but in the pros and cons bit it said something about “not often team-based, can be quite solitary work” which at the time filled me with horror. Now it sounds delightful. Not sure picking up languages now in my mid-30s is going to be enough to get into that kind of work...

Funny how your priorities and preferences change so much… or perhaps they always were like that I was just to scared to admit it as it was more expected for a 20yo to be outgoing and sociable wanting to work in a job where long business lunches and boozy after work nights out were part and parcel of the role. I’ve hated after work drinks since I started in the world of work, and avoid at all costs!!

Maybe I need a life coach.

You want your cleaner's job? Really? Cash in hand - so she's probably not paying national insurance.

So.... no state pension, no company pension, no benefits, no sick pay, no holiday pay, no one to talk to, cleaning people's shitty toilets for probably not a lot of money. Yes, that sounds great. Far better than £50k per year working from home four days a week.

Get real. I can see the novelty wearing off very quickly...

No I don't want her job but she just seemed so relaxed about life in general and I feel like its go-go-go all the time interspersed with a bit if tiredness/sleep. Life feels a bit of a grind I guess and work doesn't give me much pleasure, it's just a means to an end so I suppose I'm just in a pensive mood over it all à la "what's the point of all this".

Granted its only the first week back but DH and I are pooped already. We've got so much to sort in the hoise but no time or energy to do it, same with seeing friends and family, or more of DD, or going to the gym, or the cinema or doing a hobby. Work takes up such a large part of both our physical and emotional headspace there's little time or energy for much else.

Maybe this is just how it is with small children. A constant conflict between spending time doing what needs to be done rather than what we'd prefer to be doing. I just wonder if I had a job I felt a bit more passionate about the grind wouldn't feel so tough-going.