Bit of background: Did a middle-of-the-road degree and ended up in my now job which is in a niche area of HR. On paper, I've got absolutely nothing to complain about (£50k to work from home 4 days a week, good benefits, good autonomy, ok colleagues, job security, potential for progression etc etc) but I'm beginning to lose all enthusiasm for it.
I left uni not having a clue what to do, and hadn't had a great time and ended up with a 2:2 and was lacking confidence to apply for any grad schemes. So that fact that I ended up in a relatively interesting job in a specialist area gave me a confidence boost and I think I was so relieved to be doing something that was ok that I've kidded myself into thinking that I'd do this kind of thing forever.
DD is 2yo and I'm 8+6 with DC2 and I cannot wait for maternity leave, more to have a break from work than anything. I've been back at work from my last maternity leave for a year, for the first 4 months I did 3 days a week and since then I've been doing 4 days a week and I find 4 days much harder. My role has also changed ever so slightly in the last couple of months and I think it's this change which is making me bored/apathetic. Given work have been so flexible with my return and the fact that I'll be going off again next summer, I don't really feel at liberty to tell them this and given the current economic climate, kind of need to sit tight and ride it out until maternity leave. Big changes are afoot in the next 12 months so I'm sure it'll be different after I return from having a year off on mat leave, yet there is a little part of me that is hoping that voluntary redundancy might be offered again. I'd walk away with about £25k which isn't a huge amount, but it's enough to cover our mortgage and some for at least a year.
I have no idea what I'd do if I wasn't working. I would love to run my own business but doing what I couldn't tell you. I'd love to have more time pottering at home and do something that ignites a passion. It all sounds backwards, but I'm concerned that the longer I stay put the more the money and the flexibility will harder to walk away from and and I'll be "stuck" not being able to walk away because it's such a "good thing".
DH earns a bit less than me, and is currently trying to set his own business up and whilst that's taking off it means there is a lot of financial pressure on me. When I was at school/uni I wanted to be independent, have a career and my own money and all that, and actually now I'm feeling more and more envious of my friends who are SAHMs who have time/energy to go to the gym, potter about with their toddlers, see friends and family a lot, and do craft stuff or cakes or wedding planning on the side. That's not to say I'd be happy making cakes, but they all seem so resourceful, like they can turn their hand to something else ok so for the main part their husbands earn really well.... Maybe it's a case of the grass is always greener because on the face of it, my work life balance isn't that bad but I can't stop this niggle that I could be doing something that I felt more enthused in and that the corporate world is a load of bullshit and I'd get more satisfaction/time/money out of something else.
Geez. A lottery win feels like the best solution at this point in time. It's ok to tell me I sound like a spoilt brat moaning about how good I've got it but really I just want to spend my time doing stuff I want to do, not feeling underwhelmed and irritated by the majority of my day to day as it is.
A friend of mine is in the process of buying a dive shop abroad and part of me thinks "yes but that's not the real world is it" and the other part of me is green with envy for having something she loves doing that she can go and make a living out of - and in the sunshine.
I dunno. Not sure what I'm hoping to get from this post. Ultimately I want to do less work and earn more money 
- logically I know this isn't how life works and I thought I'd accepted it, yet now it all feels like a bit of a trap.