Revelation by a colleague.

[FiEllis]

OK I previously posted this in education but got no responses so reposting here - hope that's ok.

I work in an FE college and recently gave a colleague a lift home from a leaving do. She was a little bit drunk and confessed to me that she is having a sexual relationship with a student! She is married with four kids, the youngest is 9. She got married young and had never slept with anyone else and told me she just wanted some fun and didn't see any harm in it. The student is 18 and part time. He's due to leave in a few months. She came to me the next day, told me she trusted me and begged me never to tell anyone as it would wreck her marriage and she would lose her job. She then emailed shortly after and told me it was all a joke and she didn't really do it but I don't believe this. She's now started pretty much ignoring me. I can't betray this confidence but feel disturbed and burdened by this revelation as I can't talk about it to anyone. I just feel better being able to say it on here.

I've just been re-reading this thread.

I think that although you say 'the email is not proof' - and you're right, as she doesn't say what it was she was saying - it is enough for you to go to the safeguarding person with because what she 'was joking' about was something that she is obviously worried that you will report and that is enough to be a red flag that it should be reported. It's something she ought to be told off for joking about.

Whether or not she is having an affair with a student or was joking about it is irrelevant as far as you're concerned. All you need to do is to tell your safeguarding person everything and leave them to decide what needs to happen next - you will have done your bit and protected yourself from any fall out.

Rather than committing anything to paper/email immediately, I would send an email to the safeguarding person now asking them if you can book an appointment to discuss a potential safeguarding matter. Then discuss it with her and put it in writing formally if s/he wants you to.

But by sending the email to her today you will have set the chain of events in process and show that you haven't waited a long time to report this. In the mean time at home, I would definitely be writing out as much of your conversations and her actions as possible, all as factual as possible, dated/timed/any other info with it so that you can provide it if needed and it will be from when your memory is as fresh as possible about the events, rather than being challenged that it's now xx days/weeks since the event and you've forgotten or imagined things.

zipzap I think that is good advice

Agree with everything re safeguarding, but even if this is a consenting 18 year old, what about professionalism?!

I imagine many of his peers will know about this relationship, and some may now know you know. If you do nothing, you'll probably have lost their trust and respect - the boy may move on shortly, but this won't go away unless you deal with it appropriately. Something will be said at some point, and the existence of this email shows you were complicit in the covering up of something.

Don't let your professionalism be called into question because of somebody else's actions.

You need to report this.

• If it really is a safeguarding issue, then it will be dealt with and you will remain anonymous and have covered your own back

• If it is not, then you will remain anonymous and your mind will be at rest. The woman in question may not even know that you had reported it if they decide not to investigate.

• If they do investigate, and the case gets messy, then you have at least scored a moral victory and so what if you lose a friend/acquaintance - you will have done the correct thing.