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Original poster

Revelation by a colleague.

54 replies

FiEllis · 20/11/2013 18:16

OK I previously posted this in education but got no responses so reposting here - hope that's ok.

I work in an FE college and recently gave a colleague a lift home from a leaving do. She was a little bit drunk and confessed to me that she is having a sexual relationship with a student! She is married with four kids, the youngest is 9. She got married young and had never slept with anyone else and told me she just wanted some fun and didn't see any harm in it. The student is 18 and part time. He's due to leave in a few months. She came to me the next day, told me she trusted me and begged me never to tell anyone as it would wreck her marriage and she would lose her job. She then emailed shortly after and told me it was all a joke and she didn't really do it but I don't believe this. She's now started pretty much ignoring me. I can't betray this confidence but feel disturbed and burdened by this revelation as I can't talk about it to anyone. I just feel better being able to say it on here.

OP posts:
tweetytwat · 22/11/2013 07:26

it's ok to feel scared OP

But she is committing an offence you must report it
You don't need to prove anything, unless you are the safeguarding lead. You just flag it up so it can be investigated.

can/would you consider doing it anonymously? In five or ten years the lad may look back on this as a fond memory of the older woman who taught him alsorts
But he may see if as the person who abused him . She is in a position of authority, they are not equal peers in this thing.

If it was an eighteen year old woman being coerced by a slimy older male teacher/tutor would you be concerned?

Trifle · 22/11/2013 07:33

I don't think you should report it, the guy in question is an adult and perfectly capable of making decisions as to whom he sleeps with. At 19 I wouldn't think he needs 'safe guarding'.

You don't say in what capacity your colleague is working, ie cleaner, admin, canteen, lecturer etc.

FunkyBoldRibena · 22/11/2013 07:38

Your first comment to her should have been 'I am afraid that you have disclosed a situation and I am duty bound to report it to the safeguarding officer at work'.

Why are you even contemplating not reporting it? It's your legal duty as a FE employee to report it. It's not a decision that you make, you HAVE to report it.

The email IS proof that she said it otherwise the email wouldn't exist.

FunkyBoldRibena · 22/11/2013 07:40

trifle...

The basics of safeguarding is that you don't make those decisions. If they are a student, then you have to report it and let the safeguarding officer do their job. It's totally inappropriate for a teacher to shag a student. End of.

Trifle · 22/11/2013 07:52

But is she a teacher though, the op has not said.

FunkyBoldRibena · 22/11/2013 08:07

Then the safeguarding officer will take no further action, will they?

Original poster
FiEllis · 22/11/2013 20:57

She is a teaching assistant, I am a tutor at the start of my second year of Cert Ed but was previously a TA so worked in the same dept as her for a couple of years. We were out for drinks to mark the retirement of a mutual colleague and I offered to take her home as she lives near me, I was working late so was driving and couldn't drink. She was quite drunk. I have no doubt that what she said was true as she went into some detail about excuses she gives her husband etc. However, the fact that I don't know who the student is, or even which class he might be in (she works full time in around 10 classes a week, mostly 'male' subjects) worries me. I HAVE thought of reporting it anonymously and have even drafted a letter. Please, if you know, can you tell me if an anonymous allegation would be taken seriously?

OP posts:
Littleredsquirrel · 22/11/2013 21:15

An anonymous allegation will be I vestige red but you'll have to give them all the detail you have PLUS you don't give yourself the same level of protection. It is your professional obligation to report this. Do it first thing on Monday. Please.

Littleredsquirrel · 22/11/2013 21:16

Sorry, investigated

FunkyBoldRibena · 22/11/2013 22:05

Can you explain what sort of disclosure you would report? I'm stunned that a teacher who presumably has had safeguarding training is putting their own career at risk at the expense of a TA who sleeps with students...this isn't a popularity contest it's supposed to be a profession.

Doinmummy · 22/11/2013 22:18

What a difficult situation . I understand your anguish , it comes through very clearly in your posts.

Just a thought, but could you speak to the woman and give the chance to come clean , if she refuses tell her you are duty bound to report it yourself.

Tryandguessthisonethen · 22/11/2013 22:18

I said something once under a whistleblowing policy. Although my HR dept knew who I was, I requested anonymity and it was respected. To this day, only 2 people know it was me and my anonymity was absolutely honoured by my employer. There is no reason why yours wouldn't be the same.

You need to report this, and you know it. E-mail it if you have to and ask for your report to be kept confidential.

zipzap · 22/11/2013 22:18

I'd report it but also include the fact that she emailed you to 'remind' you that she was joking about the fact.

The email provides proof that she told you something that she thought was serious enough to get her into trouble (depends on what she put in the email as to whether or not she outs herself with the specifics).

You are doing your duty reporting it and her subsequent retraction. It's up to the school to decide if she was joking or not. You can tell them your suspicions / worries but also point out that you are in a no win situation as if it was a joke then doing this will lose her friendship/trust and could impact how others view you (as you've already experienced) but if it is true and you don't report it then if/when it comes out then you could lose your job and future prospects. So dump the dilemma on them, show the email and write a detailed account of everything as you remember it.

Might also be worth asking the school to keep your name out of things so as to not get as many repercussions.

Not sure if it is worth reminding them of last time and the repercussions you experienced and that you don't want that to happen again.

But at least this time you have her email so you have ample reason to go to the safe guarding person, because even if it ws a joke then quite frankly she shouldn't be even thinking about making jokes about this. but from what you have said it does sound like she was serious

Good luck...

mariefab · 22/11/2013 22:48

Can anyone tell me when the 'safeguarding' legislation/rules/guidance was amended to extend to young people aged 18?

Tikkamasala · 22/11/2013 23:02

I honestly think a student aged 18 is an adult and should be treated as such,and I wouldn't report. They are two consenting adults.

mariefab · 22/11/2013 23:12

I'm concerned that, if FiEllis reported this as a safeguarding issue, she could end up in trouble for making a false report.
But that's because everything I've read about safeguarding matters relates to children/young people under the age of 18.

FunkyBoldRibena · 23/11/2013 07:57

No, you are incorrect. Are you saying if a staff member was shagging someone in an old folks home, you wouldn't report it because they are both consenting adults?

It's a power thing, to protect people who may be vulnerable. Not just children.

DoctorDonnaNoble · 23/11/2013 08:00

Tikka - it doesn't actually matter what you think in this case as the law says differently. It is abuse of position and there have been several cases which have been dealt with.

FunkyBoldRibena · 23/11/2013 08:00

And you can't get into trouble for making a false report, it's up to the safeguarding officer to decide whether further action needs taking. This takes the investigation and decision making away from the person reporting the disclosure.

A TA having a relationship with a student is 100% what the policy is there for and the OP should have been on safeguarding training and should have reported it immediately.

DoctorDonnaNoble · 23/11/2013 08:02

marie - the law covers all students you are in authority over not just under 18s. Relationships used to be merely 'frowned upon' between teachers and students. The law was changed.

DoctorDonnaNoble · 23/11/2013 08:04

FiEllis - however you do it an allegation that demonstrates a safeguarding issue should be investigated seriously. It's dreadful that you have been put in this position, but you know exactly what you have to do.

OhBabyLilyMunster · 23/11/2013 08:11

If you dont report you are implicated.

If this came out at a later date she might also decide to stitch you up - something along the lines of ' well FiEllis knew about this months ago and said we were both consenting adults'

Obviously you didnt say that but this woman clearly has zero morals anyway.

DumSpiroSpero · 23/11/2013 08:33

Primary and secondary schools and Further Education colleges have a statutory duty to safeguard and protect young people in their care

Tbh, personally, I think at 18, the student in question is more than likely a consenting adult who is quite happy with the situation, however...

...what anyone thinks personally about the situation is completely irrelevant. I do understand your reluctance to report under the circumstances, but you'd be mad not to, if only to cover yourself should it all blow up later.

It sounds as though you are at the beginning your career in a senior position to the woman in question and there is no doubt it would be destroyed completely if you were implicated at a later date.

Also if you don't know who the student is, you can't possibly know if he is in fact a vulnerable young person who does need safeguarding whether he's 18 or not.

ediblewoman · 23/11/2013 09:36

Are you in a Union? Could you speak to them? They could report on your behalf and protect you from the possible fallout?

OhBabyLilyMunster · 23/11/2013 09:42

Also if you don't know who the student is, you can't possibly know if he is in fact a vulnerable young person who does need safeguarding whether he's 18 or not.

^^^ this

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