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Original poster

Perimenopause and work

59 replies

emmelinelucas · 05/09/2013 15:37

I have a problem - I will be as concise as possible.
I am peri-menopausal, age 50 and having hot flushes that are not nice, but pass. I have had one day off sick when it all started. It hit me like a bomb, and fainted at home whilst getting ready for work.
I wouldnt say that I am gnerally ill as such. I can live with it, knowing that it will pass eventually.
When I had a meeting with my line manager (a one 2 one we call it ) I had a flush in the meeting.
My manager said (this is what i remember - i was flustered) "you cant do this job if you cant behave professionally. Hot flushes in meetings with clients and whilst training are not acceptable"
I work in local governement, on the social welfare side.
I didnt know what to say - just blethered on that I would go to my GP. I dont think I am THAT bad, but the message I got was that I cannot stay in my job (it is precarious with the cuts looming) in case i might have a flush. I would rather not try HRT-health issues.
I am worried and upset.
Is there any advice anyone could give me ?
I think (and am not paranoid here) that I am basically being told I cannot do my job.
Am shattered ! Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
emmelinelucas · 08/09/2013 20:58

She "sailed through it"
Well, I am not, its a bit choppy but am not that bad imo.
I am just absolutely fed up, and frightened and very sad.
30 years in the job !

OP posts:
FadBook · 08/09/2013 21:19

Emmeline - I know it is easy for us/me to say, but you will get through this. You have done absolutely NOTHING wrong here.

You are doing the right thing by going to the union.

I agree with your DH that a trip to the GP to discuss your anxiety will help you as they may suggest ways to over come this (other than signing you off / prescribing anti-depressants). And as the PP said, it will get it on record how you feel.

Whilst it may well be a shock for your boss to receive information that she has treated you unfairly, she will be told to either apologise, and/or explain her reasoning for her behaviour. This isn't all going to happen right away, so tomorrow is just a 'normal' day for you tomorrow. I know that Sunday night feeling is horrible - but honestly, tomorrow will be fine and you will be eventually

Original poster
emmelinelucas · 08/09/2013 21:39

Oh, Fad thankyou.
I feel sick !
I am surprised, really , about this because she is very clever/savvy and I wouldnt have thought she felt she could behave like this and get away with it. Everyone thinks (I have known her a long time, but only recently worked for her)she is wonderful.
So...maybe it is me ?
Im gonna find out soon arent I ?
I am shaking, literally.

OP posts:
thenightsky · 08/09/2013 21:42

Speak to HR. I work in NHS and we've recently had a staff survey sent out to all female staff aged (I think, approx) 40 to 60) asking what changes could be made in the workplace to help staff through this stage of life... ie: water fountains, time out, air con, etc.

marriednotdead · 08/09/2013 22:01

I just wanted to add my voice to the others saying that she's bang out of order Angry

She sounds like a bloody robot, and expects you to be one too.

I've been through the menopause already, still have the occasional flush. No one at work reacts with anything other than sympathy.

I hope she has a horrendous time when hers comes around- karma says she deserves to!

Original poster
emmelinelucas · 08/09/2013 22:03

We have those things in the office, but I am out of the office most of the time where such things cannot be available. Well, it cant be guaranteed.
I really dont know what to do - I will tell all as soon as I can.
I may need your support and kindness again.
Sad

OP posts:
FadBook · 08/09/2013 22:04

Have a think about what you want out of complaining about her. I would guess:

  1. to come in to work and not be accused of being unprofessional without hard evidence to back this up, in line with your job description.

  2. for your line manager to support you and be sensitive when you explain that you are suffering with peri-menopausal symptoms

That's it.

You are not looking to get her in trouble, or undermine her - just that you have felt the conversation between you both was inappropriate.

She used inappropriate language. End of.

Have you suffered with anxiety prior to this incident? I'd definitely recommend you speak to your GP.

Get yourself off to bed early
Un-MN hug from me.

kilmuir · 08/09/2013 22:08

she needs a kick up the arse.
you haven't done anything wrong. keep strong and do not be scared of her

Original poster
emmelinelucas · 08/09/2013 22:12

Yes Fad - thats exactly what I want to say.
I am exhausted, but cant seem to sleep.
My symptoms get much worse when I am told that "I must be professional at all times"
She has never seen me do what I do with the "vulnerable" people.
I have invited her along, though.
My "people" are very happy with me.
I am frightened of outing myself.
I do a unique job.

OP posts:
Original poster
emmelinelucas · 08/09/2013 22:17

The more she carries on like this, the worse I get.Then she is justified in what she says, iyswim
I cant win here.

OP posts:
marriednotdead · 09/09/2013 08:36

Good morning. I do hope that today is positive for you.

Asserting yourself against a bully- and I think she is- is uncomfortable. But remember that having a hot flush is no more unprofessional than breathing!

Selks · 09/09/2013 10:46

It is not you.

She is a bully and is being wholly discriminatory. Not only that her attitude has caused you to feel stressed and anxious. Her comments have made me angry - they are totally out of order. She is the one who is not professional!

Keep believing in yourself. You have done NOTHING wrong.

Stick up for your rights - follow Union advice. You can do this; you owe it to your self-esteem. Best wishes; let us know how you go on.

DIddled · 09/09/2013 21:15

Stupid ignorant bullying bitch- I'd like to stick a fan right where her sun doesn't shine. Start making notes of everything she says- the union would laugh her out of the office.

Original poster
emmelinelucas · 09/09/2013 21:29

Will be seeing her tomorrow.
Hellsbelles

OP posts:
Original poster
emmelinelucas · 09/09/2013 21:53

Everyone who has posted has helped me.
Thanks

OP posts:
FadBook · 09/09/2013 21:57

It'll be more uncomfortable for her than for you.

You'll be absolutely fine. What has the union said?

PrincessFlirtyPants · 09/09/2013 22:02

Good luck, OP. I hope your meeting goes well. Be confident, you are in the right, there are discrimination laws to protect you. Thanks

Original poster
emmelinelucas · 09/09/2013 22:58

The union are on my side, but It is going to be terrible.
They said that she cant discriminate, and so on . But no one else has heard her say these things. Only me.
I am scared.
I never thought I would be about a bully but this is someting else.

OP posts:
Original poster
emmelinelucas · 09/09/2013 23:20

Did Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
emmelinelucas · 09/09/2013 23:22

Give me luck, folks

OP posts:
nobeer · 09/09/2013 23:29

Good luck Emmeline Flowers
I hope you get an apology.

marriednotdead · 10/09/2013 00:13

Good luck, karma says she'll never win so stay calm and remember that you're in the right Flowers

She's a cowardly bully, making sure no one else hears her nasty digs Hmm

BrigitBigKnickers · 10/09/2013 07:25

Unbelievable-sex discrimination was the first thing that popped into my mind. Did anyone else hear the conversation you had with this cow? Evidence may be important if she is as manipulative as you say.

I too am menopausal so I feel for you- hot flushes are just horrible. I find soya flavins and sage leaf tablets very effective ( not that you should have to take anything but They make me feel much better.)

Good luck.

PlentyOfPubeGardens · 10/09/2013 09:12

Good luck, thinking of you today Flowers

MyBoysAreFab · 10/09/2013 09:14

Another menopausal here! I am not too bad (so far) but luckily the person I work for is also menopausal - god help our clients! - and we actually have a laugh about it, figuring that between us we might actually have enough brain cells left to get through.

I remember going to my Ds' primary parents evening and the teacher had a hot flush - I felt nothing but empathy for her and would not have even considered it unprofessional. OP, you have done nothing wrong, and I would agree that this amounts to discrimination. Stay strong.

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