Seeing HR tomorrow and am starting to meltdown.

[Madamecastafiore]

Have been off of work for a month.

I tackled a lady at work about her racism and she and another lady who hates me (for no apparent reason) then put in complaints about me. I refuted all of the complaints and then put in an official grievance as IMO they are victimising me.

Anyway after I found out about the complaints (read an email not meant for me) I had to leave - I just cannot take this - feel horrendous - am having anxiety problems and have appointment to see specialist midwife at the end of the week and have to go back to doctors as she wants to keep her eye on me.

I can't sleep, haven't been able to eat properly, thought being off would be nice, could catch up with friends, watch films, red books, get stuff for when baby arrives but have done nothing - find it impossible to concentrate, can't keep still and burst into tears at odd occasions.

Anyway have seen occupational health and they have said I should not go back until this is all sorted out. So tomorrow I go in to see HR Manager and another manager who has been brought in to 'see if there needs to be an investigation', this manager also said that she sees the outcome as us all getting back to having a cordial working relationship - racist woman is just to apologise for her comments and I am just to forget everything sort of??

But I know I won't be able to - I feel under attack and victimised - they obviously got together and had a good old natter about how they could get me into trouble and put their plan into action.

I have no idea what the meeting with HR will cover - what they will ask me, what am I supposed to ask them etc. Have been advised or it has been suggested that I do not put in an official complaint about the racism but it is something that I want to do.

I am all a 2 and 8 now and am feeling more and more panicky and sick as the day ticks away.

Not sure what I expect you guys to do - just need a hand to hold I think.

original thread about what happened

You are entitled to have someone there with you, to support you
If you are in a union, take the union rep.
If not, you could always consider phoning Equality Commission and asking if they can recommend someone who could support you at the meeting, over the racism issue?

I commented on your other thread under a different username.

I'm sorry you are so upset but without minimising the incident, your reaction seems very extreme. Are there other stress factors (apart from your pregnancy) which are contributing to it?

Oh, and I would fully support you to make an official complaint BTW.

Thanks guys.

Not sure why reaction is so severe - I feel terribly isolated and almost like I am in the wrong in their eyes.

I am taking a lovely friend with me who works for the same Trust, she is terribly level headed and sensible so hopefully will keep her head whilst I am trying to keep mine.

Hi MadameC, sorry to hear you are still feeling so upset about it all.

I echo what Waitakere said, take someone with you to the meeting to support you. If you are not a member of a union, perhaps you could ask a friend/colleague from another department to come with you.

You said "I have no idea what the meeting with HR will cover." You might want to contact the HR people you are meeting with and ask for an agenda. If they don't have a formal agenda, as such, ask how they plan to conduct the meeting and what topics they plan to cover.

You have a right to make a formal complaint about the racism. I would absolutely make a complaint, if I were you. It is a very serious matter. Who was it that advised or suggested you don't make a complaint? Someone from HR? Seems like bad advice to me.

Are you in a union?

Sorry cross posts. Glad to hear your lovely friend will be coming with you to the meeting.

No not in a union - always thought wouldn't need to be - didn't realise these sort of things happen to be honest - have never worked in public sector before and this sort of thing never happened in the private companies I worked for.

Hi Fubbsy - thank you for your kind words. Was woman who is supposed to be seeing if there is a case for an investigation to take place that said I don't need to make an official complaint. I was shocked - what with that and being told at the beginning that the allegation of Racism is a very serious one - I feel as thought they are trying very hard to sweep it under the carpet.

A friend did tell me that it could be a sacking offence, especially if she also found guilty of victimisation, but to be frank and honest - the punishment is not my business - you don't not report a crime or misdemeanour in case the person gets punished do you?

Its silly when I talk about it and get my head straight I feel strong and sensible, it's just the rest of the time that I feel a nervous wreck.

Yes it does sound like they are trying to sweep the whole thing under the carpet. The HR woman probably said what she did because she wants an easy life. IMO that's another reason to make an official complaint. It might even make you feel better, taking back some control of the situation.

Just because management want the outcome to be all of you getting back to having a cordial working relationship, that doesn't have to be your goal.

If you have been victimised and are not being supported, it's no wonder that you are feeling nervous about it all

Thanks Fubbsy - I am definitely going to make an official complaint and am going to ask that I not work in the same building as either of the women - I will ask that the woman who was going to back fill me during my maternity leave start backfilling me earlier and me go and do her job. I don't think that is unreasonable.

The doctor and the midwife have said that they will sign me off of work otherwise as they think the anxiety is not conducive to a happy healthy pregnancy.

Your comments are very helpful too. It makes a huge difference to be listened to and not feel like you are constantly having to justify yourself.

My DP works in HR and hear him having to pick this sort of stuff up all the time.

You really need to figure out what you want to do: a) continue in your job or b) seek employment elsewhere , leave to become an astronaut, deep sea diver etc. etc

If you want to continue in your job, then whatever the circumstances here you need to play your part in facilitating a return to work. Have a think about what needs to be done, how you can help restore the cordial working relationship highlighted by the business manager as the way forward.

If you don't want to continue, don't think the situation can be mended etc then you need to start making plans for a good exit. Explore redundancy options. Might be that they'd be happy to give you some money for you to explore other employment opportunities. Worth broaching if you definitely can't return.

Key point is - regardless of circumstances here, don't go to the meeting tomorrow without some clear plan of how to reach the best resolution for you. The situation sucks, but be a professional and you might still come out of it ok.

Can you access the organisations HR policy? They might have it on their website as its a public organisation and it may outline the procedure which will be followed at the meeting, which may be of some help to you?

It might be worth checking - its probably called Dignity at Work, or something along those lines?

Also offering my hand to hold.

You are not being silly. This is a form of bullying and often the victim (you) ends up feeling they have done something wrong (you haven't). Could you request transfer to another department? Rather than stress yourself out trying to justify your position, it can be healthier to take a sideways step and avoid working with the bullies again--if you can.

Have Equality and Diversity Policy but not disciplinary one.

I am happy to continue working for the Trust but do not think it reasonable to ask me to go back and work with the woman who have victimised me. So all I can ask is that I move buildings - sort of go on maternity leave early working form another building and the woman who was going to backfill me go over and do my job early.

One is a racist who sees nothing wrong in her inflammatory language and has made up allegations about me and one is frankly very strange and super sensitive to the point where normal conversation cannot be carried on. She thinks everyone has better than her unfairly so or is out to get her, is really a jealous unfulfilled bitter woman.

I have been nothing but kind and polite to both of these woman too which is what really hurts.

One woman has out in a complaint against me and I raised a grievance against her because she was raising one against me because I had pointed out her racist language and asked her to refrain from speaking like that in front of me. So mine is because of victimisation.

It was worded in such a way that made it sound as though to collect evidence to see if an investigation was warranted.

Although not pointed out as to whether it was an investigation on my behalf or against me IYSWIM. So I think just fact finding, although not entirely sure.

Yes - the day after they sent me home I sent in an email refuting all of their claims with regards to the things they said I had done.

I can forward it to you if you like. I would be very grateful for any advice you could give me.

I don't think the complaint made against me was escalated to a formal grievance whereas I specifically asked that mine was.

Good advice from champagne.

Don't forget, if it all gets too much for you, it is entirely reasonable to ask for a break. Your lovely friend could also keep an eye on things for you. It would be entirely reasonable for her to ask "Are you ok Madame? Do you need to take a few minutes?"

That's fantastic Champagne, thank you.

I have printed off the email I sent refuting all of the allegations and also a list of the outbursts that I have had to put up with from one of the colleagues.

It probably seems silly but it got to the stage where we were not allowed to open the window as she was 'thin, so felt the cold', but at the same time as she had an over sensitive sense of smell also had to have the door closed. I just felt that I couldn't say anything or do anything about it - her attitude was one of complete power and we just had to go along with it. The whole atmosphere became oppressive, both in terms of the physical atmosphere and the, well, mental one for use of a better word.

Anyway, I have taken note of all you have said and made notes and done my print outs and will ask the questions about how long this is all going to take.

Thank you so much for all of your help, will update tomorrow.

And thank you Fubbsy for your continued support.