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Original poster

Going back to work soon... why have I gone and made things 100 x worse for myself (long)

41 replies

themothership · 31/05/2006 18:50

Am much in need of some sympathetic ears... I've been on maternity leave after the birth of dd for a year, going back to work in a couple of weeks. Never been the greatest fan of my job, and if it wasn't for the fact that I earn nearly twice as much as DH so have to be the main breadwinner, then I'd happily stay home and bake muffins all day Wink

I work in the creative industry, work in a senior role for a small-ish (30 people) consultancy. My relationship with my MD has never been great - he's from a financial background and is one of those pompous sexist middle aged types (sorry no offence intended to any readers who are middle ages, am just trying to use short-hand to conjure up the right image). Since I told him I was pregnant to throughout my maternity leave, there have been a series of screw-ups on his part, from sexist and inappropriate comments to giving the wrong start date for ML to the accountants... I've had to chase him for everything, and the last straw was last week, when having negotiated a flexible working, and therefore signing a new contract I discovered that I wasn't entitled to the bonus I was expecting next month. It's not a performance related bonus, so my MD had given a verbal agreement that I'd be entitled to it whilst on leave. The issue isn't about receiving the bonus itself, but about the fact that in Dec '05 (I was already on leave), the MD issued a formal bonus policy in which it was stated that women on AML would no longer be eligible for the bonus scheme. I was really upset that it hadn't occurred to the MD to inform me of the new policy when it was issued, and wrote to tell him I was upset at the way my expectations had been managed and thought it would have been considerate in the least for him to have informed me of the new policy when it was issued.

He didn't reply (this was all being done by email btw), so I ended up chasing so that I could be sure that my contract would be in place by the time I return. He replied, but not addressing any of the issues I'd raised about how the bonus had been handled, and was incredibly rude (e.g. starting sentences such as 'you are mistaken...' etc.) in the two subsequent emails. I've increasingly been made to feel as if I'm not valued by the company and the thought of leaving dd is hard enough without the worry about exactly what kind of reception awaits me.

So this is where it all went a bit wrong, and I snapped. I wrote to the MD and said that there seemed to be more than a hint of hostility in him replies, didn't feel like any of the issues I'd raised had been addressed let alone acknowledged, and that I was worried about coming back. I said I wanted a face to face meeting to clear the air on my return. He wrote back this morning saying he was "surprised and discouraged by the tone and content of my email". I have no idea what that means. But am having a huge panic about the fact that I know I've made it a million times worse for myself, now that I've got dealing with him to look forward to on my return.

A meeting has been arranged, but I know he'll try his usual "you're being an emotional woman" thing on me, and I'll end up just being patronised and made out to be the neurotic loony. What do I do?

OP posts:
Tinker · 31/05/2006 18:54

Not sure but if the bonus is not performance related but excludes women on AML is that not sex discrimination since it would only be women on AML presumably? He sounds like a twerp though, much sympathy.

Original poster
themothership · 31/05/2006 19:23

Thanks Tinker Smile

I hadn't actually thought about whether excluding women on AML was sex discrimination or not... Any lawyers out there who might be able to advise?

OP posts:
Pruni · 31/05/2006 19:26

Nothing practical to add except that I had similar issues with rudeness - later, in a moment of weakness, my boss admitted that women going on maternity leave was just a huge pain. So that's where it was all coming form with him: a bit of admin he couldn't be arsed to do. Angry

I think you go in with the intention to make it clear that you are a worthwhile employee, what you can offer them in terms of experience/being part of the job culture etc and see what he says.

Original poster
themothership · 31/05/2006 19:38

Snap Pruni - MD actually said before I went on leave that it was a real inconvenience and he hoped that too many other women didn't do it.

So infuriating Angry

OP posts:
Pruni · 31/05/2006 19:56

I don't know a single woman who hasn't had some sort of discrimination - whether this snide sort of thing, or more outright "Your job no longer exists" (that was my boss too, he backtracked vv quickly when tribunals were mentioned).

It is a fucking disgrace, tbh.

sparklemagic · 31/05/2006 19:56

mothership, this is what I would do:

join a Union.

E-mail your boss the day before the meeting letting him know what you'd like to discuss so that he is clear on your intentions (and you have a list of what you want covered to take with you so that you don't get railroaded on his agenda). Make sure the e-mail is positive in tone and says something about your looking forward to making arrangements for your return....

If you are not satisfied with the outcome of the meeting, take any relevant paperwork along to your union and have a meeting with them about your options...make notes as soon as you come out of the meeting so you don't forget anything...you can always take a union rep with you if things get worse though this can of course be viewed as negative and confrontational - though you do have this right and should feel free to use it!

I would most definitely check out the bonus thing, as it sounds very much like sex discrimination to exclude women on AML, ask the Union.

You need a Union!!!!

Original poster
themothership · 31/05/2006 20:02

It is really reassuring to know I'm not the only one who's experienced this.

I know nothing about unions. I work in new media, and don't know anyone who's a member of a union. Can anybody point me in the right direction - are there any unions who would cover the creative industry?

OP posts:
nicnack2 · 31/05/2006 20:03

re the aml and bonus scheme, i would agree that it is discrimination. Does it also apply to those on long term sick. Contact Maternity alliance and they should be able to help you also look on the internet for employment Law, that may give you a hint and if you can take someone in to the meeting as i an sure he will have someone there form personnel. hth

Pruni · 31/05/2006 20:05

I don't think Maternity Alliance exists any more. Sad
THere was a recent thread about things like this: will find it.

nicnack2 · 31/05/2006 20:07

you are right pruni just found the web page closed in dec.

Pruni · 31/05/2006 20:08

\link{http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=2310&threadid=172922&stamp=060517204049\Here's that thread.} It's about pay but you might be able to appeal to someone on it for more information.

And do let us know how you get on.

sparklemagic · 31/05/2006 20:10

I believe the Transport and General Workers Union accept anybody from any industry....I'm sure an internet google search would give others.

I really think it's good to be in one.

grumpyfrumpy · 31/05/2006 20:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MeAndMyBoy · 31/05/2006 20:18

I have only read your post themothership so don't know what others have suggested but I would suggest that you talk to either HR so that you know where you stand or an employment solicitor.

I think you are entitled to take someone with you to the meeting - union rep or colleague so that you have support and someone else's view on the meeting as well.

Sounds like he is trying to make life as difficult as possible so that you end up having to leave which would count as constructive dismissal. I suspect that the new bonus rules would count as discrimination.

Check with someone in the know if you can before the meeting, we are in a legal rangle at the moment with DH's previous employers but innocently ended up messing up a very strong case of breach of contract and a couple of other things too, by trying to not rock the boat and keep things amicable once he'd handed in his notice.

Good luck and hope things get sorted fast for you.

Original poster
themothership · 31/05/2006 20:54

Everyone - continued thanks for all your advice and support.

It's a small company, so there's no HR dept - just the MD! My line manager reports directly to the MD and is totally inept so that's not much help either. It doesn't leave me with anyone internally who can support me which is one of the reasons this whole thing is so upsetting, as it feels like a real abuse of power.

I'll definitely look into the various links and sources that people have suggested...

OP posts:
Original poster
themothership · 01/06/2006 13:27

Ok, so I rang ACAS this morning to ask about the bonus thing, and they said that "bonuses during AML are contentious". Which was sort of inconclusive. However they did say that since my existing contract didn't mention not being entitled to the bonus during AML then I could contest it with my MD. I guess I'd feel a lot more comfortable with something a bit more concrete in my favour, so next step is to talk to a union / lawyer I guess.

FYI the bonus policy also says that people taking unpaid leave wouldn't be eligible but doesn't mention those on sick leave. My MD, when he wrote to me said that AML wasn't included because it's optional, but I thought that the only mandatory part of OML was the first 3 months, so I'm not sure what he means by that.

Am frightened about this getting ugly, but am sooo pissed off with everything.

OP posts:
Tinker · 01/06/2006 13:33

But how many people really take unpaid leave except mothers on unpaid leave? Is it not just "clever" wording to get round the fact that it is really aimed at women on AML?

acnebride · 01/06/2006 13:41

This sounds horrible TMS. If I were you I would
a) ring an employment lawyer
b) stop emailing.

The last is partly practical, in that I would get advice before you put anything else in writing, and partly emotional, in that I think it is really really easy for a discussion to turn nasty on email - see lots of threads here which kick off without warning, sometimes I think because all the cues like body language, smiles etc just aren't there. If you need to contact him, then ring him (or a secretary?) and arrange lunch or a meeting.

He needs a brisk reminder of how to treat staff but he's unlikely to get it.

Original poster
themothership · 01/06/2006 14:47

Have essentially stopped emailing, for essentially the reasons you suggest acnebride - meeting arranged for 21st June, which will be my 3rd day back at work...

Re: unpaid leave, 1 person did take some time off last year to go travelling as unpaid leave and was a bloke. But I can't see how you can compare that with taking AML which is essentially your right if you've worked with a company for over a year. Not sure how to expand this further into a coherent argument though.

OP posts:
kickassangel · 01/06/2006 14:49

not sure a union would take on a case which has already started, they tend to only deal with new situations. across the top of my screen is an ad for a legal advice if you're not happy about the way you're treated on maternity leave! also agree, don't send emails, formal enough to pee people off, but not formal enaough to be legally binding, the worst of both worlds. put your concerns in a letter, keep notes/record your meeting, insist on written confirmation from the company of everything he says, and if he gets too 'women shouldn't swan off' tell him that ACAS found the issue of bonuses 'contetious'. How much money is it? Worth a big fuss, or is it just the principle. Also, if you were already on maternity leave, can he effectively change your contract like that. shouldn't it only apply to any new cases that arrive?

bossykate · 01/06/2006 14:51

i can recommend an employment lawyer if you would like to talk to one - the initial discussion would be free.

fondant4000 · 01/06/2006 15:02

You could check out the Equal Opportunities Commission site for info on bonuses and maternity leave \link{http://www.eoc.org.uk/Default.aspx?page=15310\EOC}

But you really need a union rep, or employment specialist, to advise in your particular circumstances.

Free initial advice should be enough to tell you whether you've got a case for tribunal or not.

Other places that might give you free advice are Citizens Advice and local law centres - if you can get hold of them!

I'm new media and a TGWU member.

Original poster
themothership · 01/06/2006 15:04

Thanks bossykate - I do know someone whom I actually met through mumsnet, will see if she thinks this is worth pursuing, but if she's not able to help, then might well take you up on your offer.

The bonus itself isn't worth a huge amount at all, not a city type bonus or anything, it's about the principle. I just really don't like being taken advantage of like this. But it is on top of an earlier incident when a non-performance pay review was carried out just after I went on leave (and for which I was eligible for) - a male peer who had been on exactly the same money and in the same job for less time received a pay increase and I didn't. Because it wasn't about performance, but evening out the distribution of pay etc. I was pretty livid at the time, but had new baby and couldn't face the stress of taking it further so let it go. As I said in my original email, the whole bonus thing is the latest in a long line of stuff...

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hotmama · 01/06/2006 15:12

I work in Local Government which I know is nothing to do with what you do - I am also on maternity leave. The only mandatory maternity leave that has been taken is 2 weeks after the birth - do people really only take off 2 weeks? Shock.

There is a difference in the benefits that accrue in Occupational Maternity Leave and Additional Maternity Leave e.g. I get my essenial car user allowance during the former but not the latter, also I can accrue public holidays in the OMP but not AMP. HTH Smile

So other 'industries' do make a difference - hopefully not a precedent.

Original poster
themothership · 01/06/2006 16:43

Hi Hotmama - you're right, the only compulsory maternity leave is 2 weeks, and everything after that is 'optional' (to use my MD's term). I only got paid the statutory minimum throughout, so it's not as if I've had a great package that would offset all the crap I've had to put up with. I was careful with making sure I knew about what I was entitled to re: accrued holiday, public holiday, office closures etc. and have therefore managed to eek out 14 months leave all in all, but I think that's because that's what I told the MD I was doing and it's the one thing he wasn't in charge of sorting out.

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