i have been on the receiving end of someone like that morebeta and when i was young and naive enough not to really confidently, call and feel it for what it was. the guy hated women except for the motherly, older than him and not ambitious types. he was utterly obstructive to my work, thoroughly unpleasant to me not just in private but in meetings and at any available opportunity. i now feel able to say and know that i was actually really good at my job and getting great results and at the time i started there i came in confident, happy and positive. he hated me instantly.
he became so comfortable with treating me like this and getting away with it that he eventually said something so outrageously inappropriate in such a public way that i was finally able to call it and say enough and make a complaint and try and get things changed. they went through the motions a bit, offered for him to have to read me an apology ya da ya da and i thought it was on record and at least he'd have to start behaving better. a month later he was promoted to be my line manager in both directions i worked in meaning i was totally cornered. i spoke to someone in senior management who knew what had happened and said i didn't feel i could work that way, was poo poo'd and at that point i resigned not only from that position but entirely from that line of work and that work environment.
i actually now feel a bit embarrassed that i let someone do that to me and that i let my experience there have a really big knock on my confidence and on my belief that work could be ok you know? i had my son and stayed out of the workplace and vaguely terrified of it (i honestly felt like everywhere was the same, bully boys in cheap suits who hate women who are as or more able than them). i also feel embarrassed that i let a bullying, negative workplace drive me into depression and anxiety ffs.
now i'm working again and in a position where my abilities, independence and intelligence are really valued rather than seen as a threat or placing a target on my head i keep having to check myself when i think this can't last, this is going too well etc. it's actually now that i'm in a positive environment that i can properly see just how awful that place was and how terribly it affected me. i was shocked by how good my references were from old profs and employers and how impressed they were by me at interview. that place and the bully boy senior management team really did totally interrupt my career and my.... my confidence in myself as a professional.
thanks for calling what it is really like on this thread and i'm sorry everyone for the big confessional me, me, me but it's all a bit fresh in my mind at the minute and quite cathartic.
it is fucking hard and horrible to be treated terribly and not really understand why or what you've done or how to change it because actually it's nothing to do with you you're just a woman and good at her job and that really was enough to put a target on your head the minute you walked in. and senior management teams being all male generally themselves either don't see it for what it is or don't give a damn because he's one of there's and ear marked for fast tracking anyway because he's a yes man who'll do whatever they like and not give a damn about his colleagues which is their ideal candidate.