Nurseries versus Childminders

[Annalise]

Hi, this is my first post, and I was hoping some of you will be able to tell me your views, and help me out on a difficult decision.

I am due to go back to work soon, and I have decided to go back full time (I was part-time before I had my second son), mainly for money reasons.

My parents will look after both my sons for 3 days, and the other two days I need to find childcare for them.

My problem, is, as you may have guessed, I can't decide between a Childminder or a Private nursery.

My eldest son is 2, and my younger one is 5 months. I like the idea of more activities and interaction with other children for my eldest, as he would get at a nursery. But I worry about my youngest not getting enough one-to-one and attention in a nursery baby room.

On the other hand, a Childminder would probably be able to give my little one more one-to-one, and I feel (well, hope) it would be a more 'loving' environment than in a nursery where you get staff changes, etc.

My concerns about a Childminder, however, probably stem from a lot of these tv programmes you see about 'nannies from hell', etc.
I feel really worried about leaving my boys in the sole care of someone who is completely unsupervised, and could lose her temper with them, mistreat them, or worse. Obviously I would meet them first and have visits, but the people who's children were abused and mistreated on these programmes thought their nanny was ok, and trusted her when they met her.

Sorry, I am probably being a really paranoid and over-the-top mum here, but I can't stop worrying about it.

Can anyone tell me their experiences of Nursery/Childminder and how contented their children are there to allay my fears?

Annalise,
I think most of what can be said on the subject has already but having used bothe nurseries and childminders (and a nanny) I'll add my tuppence worth
Obviously a lot depends on the nursery/childminder. There are good and bad nurseries and good and bad childminders. Also, there are nurseries that will suit you and your children better than others and the same with childminders.
Advantages of nurseries? - 1) possibly safer, although not necessarily. I know of one nursery that was closed and the owner charged by the police, for neglect, I think! 2) possibly more socialisation, but then again a good childminder will take your children to meet others eg toddlers groups, childminders groups etc. 3) More reliable in that if childinder if ill, you are left with no-one whereas if a member of nursery staff is sick the nursery will still be able to look after your child.
Advantages of childminder: 1) More like home, but as someone else said, to some people this might be a disadvantage. 2) More likely to see his/her sibling - but again this depends on the nursery. 3) More likely to become part of the community, especially if childminder lives near you. He/she will (maybe) get to know other local children, go on trips in the locality, even if it's just a trip down to the shops. 4) maybe more likely to 'fit in with the child's routine' rather than expect him to fit in with theirs 5) More stable if nursery has high turn over of staff, but again depends on nursery.
Personally, I wouldn't be happy to send a very young child to nursery full time 5 days a week, but that's just a personal point of view.
I think the answer is to look at as many childminders/nurseries as you can; trust your own instincts; ask lots of questions; get (truly) independent references from other parents and finally trust your child's instincts - if they are genuinely unhappy going to nursery/childminder then I think you've got to consider changing no matter how inconvenient it is to you.
Gomez, re your question about After School Clubs,obviously a lot depends on your dd's own personality but I think that for my son going to a childminder is a better option than the more 'frantic' atmosphere of an After School Club. He gets a chance to 'chill out' or even fall asleep (sometimes) and has quiet to do his homework (if he wants to) which he didn't at After School Club. Also, you might find it difficult to get a place in an After School Club, especially full-time, if one even exists at your dd's school.

Not all childminders have young children at home. Alibubbles doesn't and nor does my childminder. That was one of the main reasons I chose her. However I am sure there are childminders who have their own children who are great as well.
My ds1 who is 5.5 has been going to our childminder since he was 5 months old. We left her for a year when i had ds2 as she didn't have 2 places when i was ready to go back to work. We had a Nanny for a year, which was lovely, but very expensive. And when our childminder had 2 places again we went back to her. She is a lovely warm person who is sensible and I would trust her to do whatever was best for my child should an emergency arise.
My boys are both happy and well adjusted and have great fun doing a wide spectrum of activities with other children she minds and friends they visit or go out with. I have never doubted this was the right care for my children.
My childminders own daughter works as a nursery nurse and apart from there being an incredibly high staff turnover, they also have a large number of temp staff in when the nursery staff are ill or on holidays. IMHO I would rather take a day off work to look after my children if my childminder is ill than have them looked after by a person they have never met before. Even if it is in familiar surroundings.

I have been childminding 17 years and have not had one day off for sickness, fortunately I don't get colds, and conveniently got whooping cough over the Christmas period one year when I am off as I only work term time.

Most of the childminders I know are the same, I never had to take time off for my children's illness either. We must be a healthy family, took DS to the doctors and he remarked that he hadn't seen him since he was 4 years old, (now 16,) but it was only an ingrown toenail, not an illness!

Hence me trying to arrange to have my kidney removed during the Easter holidays when we have a month off, so I won't inconvenience the families I care for

Message withdrawn

My dd is at nursery. We chose that option mainly as DH was not comfortable with the CM option, we didn't want to be tied to taking hols when the CM did, or time off if CM was sick.

However I do think that a lot depends on the person/people who care for your kids are like, and what you may find fine may not necessarily be the case for another. Eg We were unhappy with the first nursery dd was at, so changed to another nursery. However a close friend sends her ds to the first nursery and is pleased with the results there. Also I found that even in the second nursery, dd did not warm to one NN in her room. However she has now moved rooms and absoultely loves all the NNs there and has come on leaps and bounds.

HMC: if you read my post below, I initially chose Nursery for same reasons (fear of Shaken Baby Syndrome, esp) as you. I only went to Childminder much later, employing a lady that I had known & observed in countless situations with small children doing their usual exasperating behaviour (at Mums & tots groups) for over 2 years by the time I hired her. I really had to know and trust her before I could go the CM route.... but my child has been much happier with CM, too, so I may be a little more trusting when we have to find a new CM, because I think a good CM is better than a good nursery, it's just much harder to be sure about the CM.

And Alibubbles -- my CMs are never ill, either. I don't know how they do it!

zebra. I think you become immune after a while!

twinkie, just passionate about what I do, the first six years of a child's life influence the person they will be later and that is their future is so important. I do feel that as generations go by so much is lost, as children have so much, too soon.
I'm guilty of that too, my DS says he'd love to back at primary school where life was so uncomplicated and fun!

alibubbles, my dds see each other a lot during their nursery day and not just at meal times, they have an 'open door' time during mornings and afternoons, but then the older ones have more structured time for specific stuff depending on what bit of the early years goals they're on.

also interestingly, the manager of our nursery (who used to work in wales) says this is the first one she's worked in with age-related rooms - all her others operated a 'family rooms' policy where the ages were mixed (not sure how the ratios work with that though) and it was v succesful.

My contribution: dd1 started with her childminder at four months. Initially dp and I assumed we'd move her to a nursery at about 3, but now she's staying there and her baby sister started a couple of months ago too. Our childminder is FAB. She is very actively involved in childcare activities - I found her through a playgroup run by childminders for childminders - she has a network of colleagues; the children go to playgroup most days, they have a bunch of mates, and they also have the security of their own childminder plus an extended group of carers. Dd1 has just started at a pre-school playgroup which her childminder moves them on to, and she'll build up sessions there till school time. I think I'll keep dd2 at this childminder even though it's very unlikely dd1 will go to the school our childminder picks up from, because the care and the continuity my daughters are getting is just wonderful.

Well alibubbles I have no doubt that you are a great childminder but you would be of absolutely no use to me. That month at Easter would leave me very short of hols for the rest of the year!

Personally I think that in Annalise's case she already has the home from home aspect on the days the kids are with their grandparents so I would choose nursery for the other days but in the end it is your decision. Tabitha's post lists the pros and cons for you very nicely.

Some of these nurseries sound lovely, and ditto for the childminders, esp. Alibubbles!

As I've been in nurseries for the last 6 years or so, I could go on all day about the adv's and disadv's, but most of it has already been covered I think.
One disadvantage I don't think has been mentioned though is the amount of illnesses a baby is exposed to when they start nursery. My ds1 came back to work with me (at one of our other nurseries, as staff's children are not allowed to be looked after at the same nursery as mum works at!), and he picked up bug after bug in the first few months. I think there would be less risk of this if your baby was with a childminder as they would be with less other children. I know kids do pick things up, and it's good for their immune system to build it up, but it's hard seeing them ill when they're so young and can't tell you what's wrong.
I know some babies are fine though, must have strong immune systems already!

If you can find a small nursery where the staff aren't all fresh from college, the children are allowed to mix with siblings frequently, and they go out and about every day, then that would be ideal.

Good luck!

Bozza, I work term time only, all my families are teachers and don't need me to have the children during the holidays and as we have a month at Easter,( and if I can't do it at Easter, I will wait for the summer when we have 8 weeks) that is why I hope to have my op then, even if I have to pay for it.

elena2, good point about the amount of viruses they pick up in nurseries. A big minus as far as I am concerned too

The baby I used to look after who went to day nursery ended up being off several times in his first 3 months with someone thing other, generally a very runny nose or a teething nappy and she would end up calling me to see if I would have him for a few days.

I do think nurseries tend to send home very quickly at the first runny nappy, and we all know what teething babies nappies are like!

I disagree about the viruses, their immune systems need all the help they can get, in this scrubbed clean world we live in!

But then you get call after call from the nursery asking you to come and collect them as they are unwell, and besides the trauma of seeing your little one unwell (my ds1 actually ended up in hospital for a few days after he caught the gastroenteritis bug that was going round nursery at the time), you then have to take unpaid time off work to look after them.

On the plus side tho, once they've got all that over with, a lot of parents say that they hardly ever have a day's illness, as their immune systems are so strong.

yes elena2, I was off work yesterday for that very reason with dd2 (8 mths) and dh is taking off tomorrow so I can come into work.

All this suggests that perhaps the "under what circumstances would you send them home?" should be added to the list of questions for nursery OR childminder when it comes to making a decision.

Someone I know moved their child because they were getting sent home for the slightest sign of anything - just one cough, runny nose, sloppy nappy, etc - and not allowed back for the next two days regardless of how well they seemed. After 13 consecutive weeks when her DS was sent home at least once each week, had only managed 20 full days at the nursery, but had had more healthy days than that stuck at home they'd not surprisingly had enough!

My children have been to childminders and nurseries and I have found plus and minuses for them both. My first son had three childminders in the first year, as their husbands kept on getting new jobs and they moved away (what a coincidence) After two years he then went to nursery which was more stable. I didn't go back to work until my second son was 2.5 so I felt he would benefit from nursery at that age. When I sent back with my third son at 8 months I found a wonderful childminder and he is still there at 2.5. I certainly feel that babies are best with a family environment - I remember seeing the babies lined up at nursery at mealtimes in their high chairs, and also when the toddlers were out playing the babies were all put into buggies and left outside (supervised of course, but all at the same time) so I was definitely put off putting a baby there. I suppose my ideal if you have two children would be a childminder, with nursery or playgroup sessions for the older child so that he gets more chance to mix with children of his own age. Good Luck!