How do you handle work when your dc is always ill?

[Zoohouse]

I work in public sector (nhs) and have been back at work 3 months. In that time I have been off with my ds every 3 weeks or so. He's had chickenpox, tonsillitis x 2 and strep infection. So proper stuff that I've had to take him to GP for.
Work so far have been great, but I am now using my annual leave to cover his sickness and frankly, I'm worried about how to keep on top of my work load and not piss my employer and lovely colleagues off!
Does anyone else have experience of a persistently poorly toddler and if so, how do you manage your work? What is your attitude? Guilty or par for the course of employing mums?

Are you a single parent? My husband and I so far shared the child sick time, depending on who's got more on. Occasionally I could work from home, which helped too, but husband as a fallback is invaluable, when there's meetings or other stuff which can't be easily moved.

I'll watch this thread with interest.

I found it worst when DS first started going to nursery, then it calmed down a bit. It can still be a nightmare at times though. If DS is sick, DH and I review our work calendars, then split the time off in the way that makes most sense.

I've pretty much stopped taking any sick leave for me. I went to work for a week with tonsillitis recently. It was awful, but then so is the guilt about taking time off work, and so is the stress about getting your work done.

I went self employed. No family support and it was a nightmare trying to be an employee.

How old is your child and what childcare do you normally use.

Live-in childcare is the best for when your dcs are ill, such a nanny or aupair. You can pay them more for providing emergency childcare for that day.

I used ft nursery with aupair wraparound and she covered all the sick days.

It will pass. Things will ease and illness get less frequent.

Some childminders are happy to have kids with bugs, so that might be worth looking into.

Oops, DS goes to a CM not a nursery .

Our CM generally isn't happy to have DS when he's poorly - she doesn't want him to give the illness to any of the other children or to her, and she wouldn't necessarily be able to give him enough one-to-one time if he's poorly anyway.

It's not easy is it.

Interesting all. I use a nursery and hadn't considered that child-minders would be more flexible. blue live-in care is not an option (I wish!) . widow I'm not a single parent but dh is self-employed and in this economic climate he takes what he can get! He has covered the care when he can,but usually it does fall to me. Ds is 15mo and I'm hoping this is just a health blip.

I just wondered how others managed. I think there is the expectation that we can take the first day as emergency leave but then really should have found an alternative carer by day 2. But we have pretty much no-one to ask as extended family are elderly, incapable or unwilling to help (probably common experience nowadays)

My DD is very prone to chest infections and other illnesses and the last few months have been especially bad.. I work evenings and weekends when there are more friends and family free to help. Not ideal but the only way for me.

I'm dreading her starting school next year though, I want to work full time but I really don't think ant

** sorry on phone.

I don't think any employer could be flexible enough for all DDs illnesses and other regular medical appointments.

It's very very hard. [Wine]

I often hear people say that a CM might look after a poorly child that a nursery wouldn't, but that isn't my experience at all.

recursive I really don't think we should feel guilty about this stuff (even though I do!). It's not like we're skiving and in fact the people who suffer most are us as we just have to complete the work in shorter space of time!

I'd really like to know the 'inside' HR perspective on this (do they blame the poor employee or is it accepted as part of having small kids?).

I'm not sure you should be overly concerned about whether HR blame the employee or not, far more important to worry about what your manager thinks.

To an extent it is accepted as part of having small children obviously, and some absence is unavoidable.

However in a situation where a couple decide between them that the woman's work is less important, or that it is acceptable to them for her employer to have to bear the brunt of it, that is likely to significantly reduce the patience levels tbh. It shouldn't be 'par for the course of employing mums' because that's the kind of thinking that leads to businesses avoiding employing mums in the first place - the assumption that it will be the default position that the woman will take time off.

Well it is in my experience. The one I know is happy to take kids with tonsillitis or a temp for example. Our nursery sent home kids with a temp of 38C+. CM happy to have kids in that situation.

I know, Zoo. But my work is under-staffed already, so it's very difficult when you have even less time to do your job.

I think HR's official line would be that people with children are entitled to special leave to look after them when they're sick, and that this benefit is justifiable because of the savings due to staff retention. I'm not sure that I really see this ethos applied in reality though - at my work, you're entitled to a single day of carer leave, during which time you're supposed to put alternative child are arrangements in place. I have no idea what these alternative arrangements are ! We have no family nearby, and no friends that would be able to help in this situation.

I'm considering going part-time, hopefully with the flexibility of being able to choose which days that I work, to ease the pressure a bit.

flowery makes a good point - I always make sure that I tell my work when DH looks after DS when he's poorly, just so that they realise that we're both contributing.

Jareth, yes, I imagine that different CMs have different rules. I've pulled my hair out because of mine once or twice, but I'm generally happy with everything.

DD1 is asthmatic. We shared time off when she was very ill, and took annual leave. My female boss was of the opinion that "Working mothers are a pain in the arse", DH's boss much more sympathetic, so he took most leave when she was ill as a small child. She's now in her teens and we have just celebrated 3 years of no hospital stays. You do use up a lot of annual leave with a sickly child, though.

Yes good point flowery. Perhaps I shouldn't have said 'mums' - i mean parents /main care givers in general.
It's a problem because society has altered and extended family are no longer living cheek by jowl and available to help. Perhaps parents need to set up formalised networks to help each other in the place of relatives?

I don't mind taking sick leave as annual leave (honestly, sort of) but I just can't keep up with my work, and that stresses me out.

Ime one of the many benefits of a childminder or nanny share are that the dc are exposed to fewer infections (just because they are less cooped up with loads of other children) and that is why the need for parental leave due to child sickness is reduced.

i get DH to cover it. as a part-timer I'm already perceived as slacking off somehow , so DH holds the fort.

also is there any chance you can work from home? I don't mean when you DS is awake, but even doing an hour or so when he naps and a couple of hours after bedtime will help keep things ticking over.

Charlotte, I do emails but mine is not the type of work you can bring home.

I really struggled the first few months back at work this time, partly because the dts were sick so often, and partly because home is now too busy for me to work here to catch up. three things have helped.

first, they have got less sick. second, I have learnt to work much more efficiently. I am now incredibly focused. third, I make full use of the nursery's hours, and get in at 8 or 830 every day. this gives me an extra 5 hours or so a week, which adds up to a couple of days a month, and not much less than I take off (as anual leave) for their sickness.

hang in there, it gets easier.

I also make it very clear that DH is doing his share and we do always check diaries and try and split the random days or do half the cover each if it is more than one day.

From an HR perspective there is very little tolerance of any stance that suggests one parent is the 'main' child carer. It doesn't matter who earns what, but if an employee is taking all the time off and her/his partner is not sharing the burden equally, then red mist descends.

Also, IME HR/Mgmt will often be sympathetic to something serious, no matter how much time is taken off, but will just get frustrated if someone is forever staying at home to cover the usual childhood stuff - you are expected to have designed a 'plan' to deal with this (even if the plan is to pay as much in emergency nanny care as you actually earn yourself). First day of illness, ok. Second day, starts to be frustrating, 3rd day and the sympathy is usually all out.

But it varies of course from company to company and mgr to mgr. I did research on working mums a few years back and there is always a lot more tolerance for someone who they genuinely believe is doing the job for love and career, as opposed to someone who is there simply to earn money. This had a direct impact on attitude to emergency time off.

The good news, by the way, is that for all the working mums I know, it was only the first child that created the issues. Subsequent kids seemed to benefit from being surrounded by germs of their siblings and stuff like coughs/colds seemed far less frequent (anecdotally, of course. No idea if it stacks up statistically).