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Original poster

Anyone regret ditching their career??

52 replies

snowgirl · 28/02/2006 20:51

Want some reassurance/advice really. Am currently working 4 days a week (dd is 14 months) but I'm just not happy, plagues with guilt and feel like I'm missing out (not to mention knackered, stressed, etc..). Can't afford to not work at all, but could just about afford to do two days. In order to do that, however, I'd have to lose all my responsibility at work and become a lowly minion again.
Having worked hard to get to where I am it seems a shame to ditch it all and it feels like I'm basically saying that's it for my career.
Anyone whose done a similar thing got any words of wisdom?
I think I'm almost certain that's what I want to do, but just need some encouragement!

OP posts:
Frizbetheexpansionset · 28/02/2006 20:56

Personally I have the odd few days when I wish I was back doing my old job again....but then I gave it up at the 6mth maternity leave point, and just every now and again I wish I'd taken a year off and then gone back.....I wouldn't swap the time I've spent with dd for the world however, but we could probably do with the cash!! and as it stands I'm about to give birth again, so would just be looking at another 6mths-1year off again.....however your situation is totally different timewise, so not sure I'm a good comparision?

tvaddict · 06/03/2006 21:18

My daughter is now 7 months old and I have started to think about going back to work. I am extremely lucky as I can choose to return to work or not. At the moment I am sure that I want to stay at home as I have always worked very long hours, 7-7 and I can't face the thought of my dd always being the last to be picked up from the nursery. We have contemplated a nanny but couldn't find anyone that fits the bill. I am sure this is because in my heart of hearts I feel that I am the best person to look after her. If I return to work part time I will just end up taking loads of work home with me but if I give up work and return in a few years time I will have to go back to the bottom of the ladder again. It seems a very difficult decision and I worry that in a few years I may feel resentful but then when I look at her I realise that giving up is probably the best thing to do and if I am worth my salt I will work my way back up again - but probably more quickly next time but I won't be able to get the precious time back with my dd.

meganandlucymummy · 27/03/2006 14:13

snowgirl - I am in a similar situation to you except am still undecided as what to do. I will be returning to work after 6 mnths mat leave (DD2) in a couple of weeks time. I have a really stressful job, that cannot always stop at 5, but have worked very hard to get to the position I now am in.DD1 is 26mnths now and I returned to work after 7mnths mat leave with her and I know that I have missed out. I don't think I want to miss out again with DD1 or on anymore of DD2's growing up.

I am very lucky in that if we tighten our belts in terms of spending that I can afford to give up work. I am going back for 3 months (as we cannot afford to pay back mat pay) and will use that time to make my final decision.

My overiding though is that in 10 yrs time if I need to have a regret would I rather regret giving up my career or missing out on my children's growing up? Hopefully I'll regret neither but I would rather regret giving up my career.

MissChief · 27/03/2006 14:20

me too! No idea what to do-currently off on 2nd mat leave with 7 mth old, like my job, like its seniority, its even part-time - what more could I want? well, longer than 1 yr off for starters!
Like you I'm worried about working my way up again after a lengthy career break, dont konw what to advise except keep as many options open as possible for as long as possible. It[s a nightmare!

bluejelly · 27/03/2006 14:20

I think it is worth downsizing to a 'lowlier' job in order to get to spend more time with your kids... you can always go up a few more gears at a later date...
Tvaddict you can't possibly work full time 7-7! You will hate it!
Go part-time even if it means you have to work a bit at home. Being chained to your desk for 12 hours a day will jsut make you miserable
(NB i work full time but leave on the dot of 5 every day. )

MissChief · 28/03/2006 09:37

how are you doing snowgirl, reached any decision??

CareerCoach · 28/03/2006 12:46

What would be a middle ground between working 2 days and taking a demotion at work and working 4 days but feeling plagued with guilt and as though you are missing out?

Twiglett · 28/03/2006 12:59

I worked incredibly hard .. got to board level .. sat there for 3 years .. had DS .. went back to work when he was 6 months old ... left when he was 17 months old

that was in 2002

do I regret it?

Hell no ... if you want to do it, do it

bundle · 28/03/2006 13:01

i don't ever go for promotions etc at work as I know it would involve more time/energy which I'm not willing to do (I work 3 days a week) but tbh it doesn't bother me, I'm pretty fulfilled by my job which helps to keep my brain working, although I know I would be in a completely different zone if I didn't have kids...

CareerCoach · 28/03/2006 13:32

You can have both though and for some people they need work to keep their sanity (and the roof over their head) as well as having time to enjoy bringing up the baby. It is just a case of working out how you can combine the two, if that is what you want.

blueshoes · 28/03/2006 13:44

Ditched my career for a part time job. Regrets? Never looked back. PT working in a relatively non-demanding, but significantly less prestigious role, was just the right balance for me and my dd. It allowed me to feel fulfilled at work (not in the power-hungry way but in a nice sort of modest accomplishment and bring-home-some-bacon way) and with dd (could clear decks to spend time with her when she got home from nursery). I tell myself I can always gear up again later, having kept my toe in the employment waters, but in reality, am enjoying it too much to worry.

koolkat · 28/03/2006 14:03

I gave up work as a corporate lawyer just before I got married. DH saw how bloody miserable I was working 12 - 15 hour days without any job satisfaction whatsoever (apart from the pay at the end of the month) and was the only person to make me feel it was ok to leave. My mother and everyone else including in-laws say I should go back. But unfortunatley they are only looking at the financial rewards.

Now that my DS is 21 months old, I am beginning to think about what I would like to do once he is at school.

I have always wanted to run my own business and DH has always been very positive and encouraging about my business skills, so that is what I am going to do.

I have been talking to my local Business Link and they are very supportive of my idea and think it is very original, so I am doing a business plan and hoping the banks will give me the dosh to get started Smile

I have never ever regretted leaving the City esp. because I would have lost out on the most important years of my son's life.

I know that running my own business will be tough, but hey, I'll be the boss, and that is what I really want. Total independence.

Go for it ladies, if you can't find a job you love, create one !

The vast majority of women who have set up businesses are women with young children. Is it any wonder ?

GDG · 28/03/2006 14:06

No, no regrets here. There's the odd time I think about the money I could be earning, the perks I could be enjoying and the recognition I could be getting, but there is nothing more important than being there for your children imo. Stressful as that is too, I wouldn't want anyone else to be doing it and am thankful that I'm in a position to do it myself.

GDG · 28/03/2006 14:09

I do work freelance though so I earn money and I'm highly regarded so get plenty of work and some lovely feedback - I'm not sure how I'd feel if I was a SAHM and didn't do anything (though I'd still do that rather than work and use childcare - I'd just have to find something else to exercise the grey matter!).

nailpolish · 28/03/2006 14:14

i gave up a career in nursing to become a sahm. goodness only knows what im going ot do when dd's are both at school. ihave kept up my registration just in case, but id like to retrain in something else (have lots of ideas)

i do miss it (the clinical side, glad to see the back of the politics, backstabbing etc) and when someone asks me what i do i still say 'nurse'

i think it would be hard to go back after being away for years (when dd's go to school) so i probably wont

clairemow · 28/03/2006 14:36

Just wanted to ask Blueshoes (or anyone else!) how you decided what sort of non-demanding job to take now? I don't think I know where to even look.

I am a lawyer and currently working in a support role from home 2 days a week, but miss the rapport of going into work and seeing people, so I have often thought about jacking it in and getting a different sort of job, but feel a bit guilty at how much it cost to put me through going back to uni (we only finished paying off the loans last year...).

koolkat · 28/03/2006 14:46

claire - as a fellow lawyer I sympathise, but there are lots of options. Plus your legal training will always be valuable no matter what you do. Don't feel guity about it !

What area of law have you specialised in ? Have you considered working in a different area of law?

It's not always easy to switch specialisation, but it's not impossible. I know several people who have done it very successfully, even though they took a demotion initially.

They just didn't like corporate law and got fed up with the long hours, but they didn't hate being lawyers. You don't have to ditch it all.

koolkat · 28/03/2006 14:50

claire - have you considered working in a legal role for a charity ? I have always found this an attractive option for myself, although I have taken a very different direction now.

clairemow · 28/03/2006 14:51

thanks Koolkat - I specialise in corporate insolvency, so when I was fee-earning the hours were horrible like you (also in the City) - impossible with a child. the new PSL role is much better, but lonely from home (we moved out of London, so I'm really lucky they took me back on anyway). So I shouldn't really moan. We always want more.... grass is always greener...

clairemow · 28/03/2006 14:53

I have wondered about working for the Council/LEA - I also have teacher training (another guilt trip, as have trained for two careers...), so could combine the two. Basically, I should get off my ar*e and think about it seriously... But then I am expecting no. 2 in September, so will leave it until after that!

koolkat · 28/03/2006 14:58

claire - me too ! I have had 2 careers and got fed up with both.

I am 38 now, but I don't think it is ever too late for an old dog like me to learn new tricks Grin.

I don't know if you have looked at the Guardian pages (or online) for charity/govt. jobs. They usually have quite a few legal positions advertised.

Good luck with the baby Smile

blueshoes · 28/03/2006 15:50

clairemow, agree with koolkat that you don't have to leave the law entirely. Coincidentally, I was also a City lawyer (capital markets)! I could not face re-training so just looked out for positions that utilised my legal skills. As it is, I stayed with the same law firm but like you, ended up in support roles. Basically jumped at internally advertised pt positions as and when they came up. Started out as a business analyst in IT (gathering requirements for IT systems for lawyers - not difficult since I was a former lawyer) but the culture is IT was too different from fee-earning, so within months realised it was not my cup of tea. Then toyed between becoming a capital markets PSL position and that of a knowledge manager. In the end, went for the latter because I never really liked research etc. and the manager role had less client pressure.

So to cut a long story short, I jumped around a bit within the same company until I found my niche. BTW, I was never able to find a position through recruitment agencies. Mention pt and it is the kiss-of-death. Not one called me back, as constrasted with phone ringing off the hook as a fulltime fee-earner.

I did explore govt positions (eg in FSA) but pay was too low. Also contract working (Locum) but my area of law was not conducive. In any case, contract working is more suitable for those who can work intense bursts, not those who want regular reduced hours.

Hope that helps.

koolkat · 28/03/2006 16:14

Glad there are so many ex-City lawyers out there ! I was beginning to feel lonely Grin

CareerCoach · 28/03/2006 19:40

I'm new to mumsnet (just a day old) and a career coach too so really pleased and surprised to see how supportive everyone is in the face of all this confusion regarding going back to work and whether we can really have it all, the job satisfaction and time with the little ones. In my experience as a coach the same issues come up often with new mums, should they return to work, if so on what basis, feelings of guilt for staying at home and not bringing in money etc etc. This is a life changing event having a child so it goes without saying that it makes you reconsider so many other areas too, particuarly work where we spend 2/3 of our lives. If any of you would like to work with a coach to discuss your career issues and take action, take a look at my website \link{http://www.icandc.com/CareerCoaching.asp}, I'd love to speak with you.

Whizzz · 28/03/2006 19:47

CareerCoach - sorry to but in on your first day, but there is a Small Business or Ads board if you want to promote your business Smile

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