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Original poster

Anyone regret ditching their career??

52 replies

snowgirl · 28/02/2006 20:51

Want some reassurance/advice really. Am currently working 4 days a week (dd is 14 months) but I'm just not happy, plagues with guilt and feel like I'm missing out (not to mention knackered, stressed, etc..). Can't afford to not work at all, but could just about afford to do two days. In order to do that, however, I'd have to lose all my responsibility at work and become a lowly minion again.
Having worked hard to get to where I am it seems a shame to ditch it all and it feels like I'm basically saying that's it for my career.
Anyone whose done a similar thing got any words of wisdom?
I think I'm almost certain that's what I want to do, but just need some encouragement!

OP posts:

Whizzz · 28/03/2006 19:48

oh & I am just about to ditch my career & hopefully I don't think I will regret it

Steppy1 · 28/03/2006 20:03

..i thought that I'd want to go back to career when I was pregnant with my DS (now 5) lots of European travel, highly paid, very prestigious, lots of responsibility (yep and the stress that goes with it plus the 14 hr days and weekends)....as soon as I looked at my little boy when he was born I knew that there was no way I could compromise with something so special...so i took the voluntary redundancy that became available just before I was due to return from maternity leave...I knew that I wanted to do something but decided at that time it would only be for myself...am now trying to juggle several opportunities and, yes, it is hard work, long hours, stressful at times (particularly year end) but worth it because I know that I answer to myself ...and I get to pick the kids up from school & pre-school. I now think that I could never go back to working for somebody else....

Pagan · 28/03/2006 20:08

I don't regret giving my career up but I do miss the company and general chit chat. I've been thinking about what to do once kids are older and it will certainly be something for myself and I don't want to go back into the industry I was in. Not sure what yet though

mrsdarcy · 28/03/2006 20:10

I'm an ex-lawyer too! I did PSL work part-time after having the first two children but with three children I've packed it in entirely and haven't worked in 2 years. Sometimes I really regret it and miss it, but my DH is a lawyer too and works crazy hours, and I just don't think our family could spare any more slack. I'll review the whole thing when we are sure we have completed our family and the youngest is approaching school-age.

Koolkat - can you say what sort of business you are setting up? Hope it goes well, it must be very exciting.

Pruni · 28/03/2006 20:13

I've just done it.
Wasn't a high-flyer but had worked on my career for ten years and had trained/progressed v well.
Next step was v demanding position, or...not.
I chose not. Gave it up totally a few weeks ago and (so far!) have not looked back.

There is a lot to be said for not piling up the stress at this point in life (ie with small children). I admire those who don't find it all stressful and soul-destroying, but I am not one of them.

koolkat · 28/03/2006 20:58

MrsDarcy - good for you - best of luck with going back to work too !

I can't say too much I am afraid as it's sort of original - not that I am worried MNers will nick my ideas - I will keep you posted when it's up and running !

meganandlucymummy · 29/03/2006 04:40

Have had a quick look through and can't find anyone who regrets giving up work/downgrading to be with their kids. Really interesting. Like nailpolish I am a nurse, not a highflyer but have worked hard to get to management level. I'm lucky in my job because although I am a manager I can make myself more than 50 per cent clinical too so it's a special job in that sense - hence the niggling doubts about giving up. A job at this level like this is unusual.

Despite this I am 60 per cent decided to give up and do 1 shift per week to maintain my registration and sanity. The other 40 per cent will hopefully become clear when I get back to work.

Have you decided snowgirl?

clairemow · 29/03/2006 09:14

This is really interesting. My priorities have definitely changed having had a child, and it sounds like most others' have too - or is it just that we are the ones with some time to go online and have a chat, as we're not in the office 5 days a week!? I still think there is a dilemma though, as I found being a 100% SAHM difficult and a bit tedious (I wish I hadn't though) after 10 months at home with my first. Once back to work 2 days, I am not sure it's what I want either. Do we expect it all? Probably.

Julsbo · 29/03/2006 09:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bluejelly · 29/03/2006 14:42

I know it's been said a million times before, but part-time work is the key. Long-term financial security, keeping your career going (and your brain ticking over), but still getting to spend good amount of time with your kids. Can always up working hours later if circumstances change. Also as they grow older.

There are lots of mums at my daughters school who have been out of the work place so long they are really struggling to get back in. Feel particularly sorry for the ones whose husbands have left them. Am terrified of being in that position-- which is partly why i have worked since my dd was 6 mo.

blueshoes · 29/03/2006 14:55

Agree, bluejelly. Not sure why but at the back of my mind, a big part of my peace of mind is knowing I can support my family on my own steam, if my dh were not there (eg divorce, death, disability).

Pruni · 29/03/2006 15:00

Clairemow, I found the same - I was desperate to get back to work. But babies change and now I have a toddler and it's a lot of fun. I feel bad that I didn't think my little baby was a lot of fun, but there it is. I think a lot of it is that I expected to want to go back to work, it was looming and I got into thinking about it. Self-fulfilling prophecy, etc. I love it now.
Trick is to have plenty to do that's sociable, and to keep a nap going as long as you can so you have a little time alone during the day.

anniemac · 29/03/2006 16:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

puddle · 29/03/2006 16:12

I agree with bluejelly. Keep your hand in if you possibly can.

Friends I met who left careers 6 years ago when my ds was born are now really struggling getting back into work - they all want to do something now their children are getting older but in may cases they are looking at jobs at a much lower salary and well beneath what they had achieved before kids, in similar fields.

clairemow · 29/03/2006 16:34

Agree with Bluejelly too. I hadn't really thought about supporting the family on my own, maybe stupid of me to assume everything will be all right. Good point.

going back to the beginning, did you make a decision Snowgirl? Could you work 3 days and have a compromise position on the responsibility, keeping some and ditching some (preferably the bits you don't like!)?

FioFio · 29/03/2006 16:36

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Message deleted

champagneandnappies · 29/03/2006 17:18

Yes

LucyJu · 29/03/2006 17:41

Used to have a very well paid job in IT. That was almost 6 years ago now, and I doubt I would be able to get back into that sector now that my skills are so out of date.

The only time I regret giving it up is when I try to imagine what would happen to us if dh wasn't able to support us any longer. Dont miss the job itself and find being a SAHM more fulfilling (for me - not true for everyone, I know).

teabags · 29/03/2006 17:43

I have recently resigned and have felt quite low since doing it. God knows why, I didn't want to go back.....I'm another lawyer! so many of us lurking here!

anniemac · 30/03/2006 09:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Piccalilli · 10/04/2006 05:43

and I'm another lawyer who will shortly be giving up work. I was always planning to go back but we're relocating miles away as dh has been offered a new job. ideally I will find another job when dd is a bit older (she's 6 months) but realistically it may not be that easy in my specialism, so it's nice to hear that most people don't seem to regret the decision to be a SAHM. I am worried about losing financial independence/security though.

suzywong · 10/04/2006 06:07

No I didn't as it wasn't really a career in the same way that many of you are talking about in terms of focus or structure, but it combined my personality and with my work and of course I still had my personality when I stopped working IYSWIM. Am now going to get back in to the same field but have no expectations of being at the same level, in fact am rather pleased about the New Career in a New Town situation I find myself in. I have been very lucky that I don't need to work as we are so poor it makes no odds.

manicmumday · 10/04/2006 09:25

annie mac - just thought I'd reassure you that you're not alone. I'm a FT lawyer too (in-house). Bit of a struggle fitting everything in and preventing those evil guilt pangs taking over my life though...

anniemac · 10/04/2006 09:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Blackduck · 10/04/2006 10:00

I think my career ditched me.......I never thought having a child would change me so much - now I want a nice little job, with regular hours near home...!

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