argh - why won;t dh understand why i need to go part time

[popsycal]

spent the whole day at work trying not to cry cos i really really want to go part time
sobbed my eyes out on the way to work and then for 30 minutes before work to a colleague
i thought that dh was coming round to the idea of part time
just tried top have a discussion about it and had to walk away as ds is around and dont want to get into an argument
been back at work for over a year now
can't handle it
help please"

What are your reasons for needing to go part time hun - tell me how you have put it to him and Ill try and shed some light - I worked full time after DD and will be going back part time after mat leave ends with DS

hugs Popsy. Is he worried about finances? I went from full to part time after my mat.leave, and was surprised at how much I still took home each month.

So how will going part time effect your lives - financially - as I guess that's where the problem is as far as he is concerned.

What is part time to you? 3 days, 2 mornings a week?

Like Beccaroll says we need a little more info to understand what is going on and therefore say the right thing to you.
Don't worry hon' we're here xx

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Oh popsycal. This is really starting to get you down now. You need to sit down with DH (when DS) is in bed) and talk this over with him.

As you know I teach part time (3 days a week) since having DD.

Financially - decide on number of days you want to do. I do 60% timetable but this works out at more than 60% normal salary, due to less NI and tax. And your threshold will still be on time too. You can choose whether or not to pay your pension still. I do for the security later on but my salary is still fine. I amm on top of normal scale now (no threshold) and have no responsibility points - I bring home just under £1000 a month.

You have to tell DH how you feel very very clearly. Teaching is not an easy option as you have so much work to do at home too. You need to make this very clear - can you try and write down how much you have to do compared to how much time you spend with DS (and DH for that matter). Maybe that will clarify things too. And be brutally honest with him about the way YOU feel about it.

It may also be worth looking on your union's webssite for more information too - I know the NASUWT site did have some good stuff on it when I wanted to look; or talk to your union person at work. I e-mailed the main guy in the area for info and they were really good as well.

Get as much information as possible so Dh knows that this is NOT a whim and you are really stressed as things stand.

Good luck and don't hesitate to ask for any more info, if I can help.

(Hulababy - formerly CnR)

Popsycal - forgot to ask: who cares for DS when you are at work? If nursery, don't forget to work out how much you save from reduced days there too.

Some of you may know that I am a teacher with extra responsibility for a year group
I find it dreadfully hard to keep on top of the 'homework' side of things.. marking, planning, etc etc etc. I used to love my job but now i feel sick when i thikn about it
on an evening, i want to be able spend afew hours with ds, make tea then if necessary, do housework etc
tried to talk to dh afew times and at first he was ridiculous - eg well i want to give up work too - why does it have to be you and not me
didnt rise to the bait tho...
have tried to plod on - we could afford to go part time - just - still paying student debt etc even though we left uni 8 years ago!!
During the last few weeks, it has got me more and more down. Feel like o have gone into denial - if i cant do anything properly then i wont do anything at all - defeatist i know but my brain hurts with thinking about it all
I will give the spreqdsheet thing a go that someone suggested - spreasheets are one thing that i am good at
dh really p**d me off quoting exactly how much he reckons i get paid per day and how much money we will lose from my gross salary - i get a mini pay rise in jan then a reasonable one in sept....have tried to convince myself to sit it out til then...or wait for a second baby then go part time (as we would be better off part time not paying for as much childcare than full time..mad i know)
I just cant do it much longer though
I dont even know if work will go for it though
I do need to have all my facts on paper though and apporach him sensibly - just feel v emotional about it all though. I keep hoping every week that it will get better. But it doesnt

childcare - my mum has ds 2 days and childminder 3 days
i figured that i could ask my mum to do 3 days and if not then mum would have him for 2 days and childminder for 1
CnR (sorry cna't get used to you new name) - i tried to explain the getting more than 60% thing when working 60% of the time but he didnt get it (men...). I figured that I would get around the salary you said per month
right i am going to so my finances out tonight
argh - dh just shouted me to see the tv - and told me that I had to sort out a flu jab for ds and when was i going to sort out his single M M and R jabs
;hfg fbgffjsf
argh

Oh popsycal - I really feel for you right now. I hope you are okay. Try to hang on in there and you will get somehing sorted out one way or the other I am sure.

When working out your figures do two sets:

1. you current salary, with DS's childcare taken into, travelling costs, etc.

2. your new salary, based on both of your increases (and the threshold one) and reduced childcare/travel

As I said below you might be suprised at the difference - mine was not as much as I thought at all.

Oh you poor thing - to feel so bogged down with work and feeling sick by it to then be confronted with a husband who just won't see how desperate you feel or even try and understand. Would it help if you knocked his head on the wall a couple of times, tied him up and locked himn in the wardrobe until he started to see reason?!!!!!

thanks folks!
will get back to you when i have calmed down and sort out my figures...
numerical ones..given up on the other figure!

If you worked part-time you could also tutor one evening a week for say, two hours or more a saturday morning soemthing like that - I tutored for years when I was teacher and loved it. When I had children I worked part-time and tutored two evenings a week and at weekends, just locally and it's amazing how quickly an hour passes when it's one to one and it pays well. Also the dyas when I was at home with the children all day it was good to get out for an hour

thoncat - yes please..!
he is normally really reasonable and i thought that last night he was beginning to get it
i don't know
he obviously doesnt though as he just said 'what about if i wanted to re-train or something'
i can't explain....

how much will part time affect tax credits?

I don't get anyway

Surely it'd mean you'd get more? Might be affected by reduced childcare though? Is there a website? I am sure there is where you can put in your figures and it gives you a rough idea.

Go on the inland revenue website and do the calculator thing based on what your new circumstances would be and it tells you what you would get!

Here you go

Tax Credits Calculator

cheers becca
Cnr - the tax credit thingy - is asking me how many hours i work...what is 60% of lots????

oh my god - my child tax credit would triple!!!
that cant be right!

ignore that - typing error!

nned to get my proper details out

typed 32 hours but gave them the full time wage!!!!
will get sort - thanks all

About 6 or 7 hours a day depending on your working day; or does it include out of hours work as well?

So about 21 hours a week.

doing spreasheet - beginning to wonder where all our money goes!