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Original poster

Can't stop crying. Back to work tomorrow.

60 replies

springerspaniel · 05/02/2006 19:25

Can't believe how quickly my 7 months have gone. First three were really tough but the last 4 have been the best of my life. Good luck to anyone else who starts this week.

OP posts:
KBear · 05/02/2006 19:27

I remember it well - I went back to work when DD was 7 months too. I was okay all day, held it together fine then I got off the train and ran all the way back to my mums and sobbed when I saw DD.

I was okay after that big emotional first day! Good luck.

Mercy · 05/02/2006 19:34

Aawwwwh. Good luck and best wishes for tomorrow. Roll on the weekend!

I was eight weeks old when my mum went back to work (many moons ago obviously)

mckenzie · 05/02/2006 19:50

hope it all goes well for you springerspaniel.

chipkid · 05/02/2006 19:53

oh I really feel for you-returned 4 weeks ago when dd aged 15 months!!! I left it too long-been soo difficult BUT now it is alright. GOOD LUCK

Flossam · 05/02/2006 19:55

Everyone says it, but it was sooo true for me, I couldn't imagine how I could, but I did enjoy it. And still do. Good luck.

hunkermunker · 05/02/2006 19:58

Oh, know just how you feel - but enjoyed it once I was back - none of my colleagues wanted their nappy changed, I could take my time over lunch and read the paper in peace - bliss!

Good luck with it x x x

Original poster
springerspaniel · 07/02/2006 12:47

It was ok but have been told I can't leave on time as rest of team is working long hours due to work load. Company has been like this for years. I was so naive to think I could have a baby at this company. I don't know what to do. No point discussing with boss as he is owner. Am utterly miserable. Anyone been in same position? Can't give up work as need money. Career change tricky as increased commute time likely and can't have baby number two when starting a new job!

OP posts:
GDG · 07/02/2006 12:50

Oh ss - it's very hard. I cried every night for the month running up to going back after ds1. In fact, I only lasted about 2 weeks at work before I handed in my notice. Can't believe I did that now looking back but it all worked out in the end.

If you really don't want to go, is there any way round it at all? Could you make adjustments and maybe get an evening/weekend job to make up some of the shortfall?

If it's not possible - try not to worry, lots of women find it hard to go back to work but once they get settled again they seem to find it OK.

Original poster
springerspaniel · 07/02/2006 13:31

If i knew i could leave on time, it would be fine. Am on a really good salary and have big mortgage so kind of stuck. Can't bear the thought of only seeing baby for so little time.

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anniemac · 07/02/2006 16:11

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WharfRat · 07/02/2006 16:18

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Original poster
springerspaniel · 07/02/2006 16:41

Anniemac - thanks. I am unable to work from home as employer is very protective about the software we write. (Don't ask!) My first day was yesterday and I left at 5.05. Unfortunately I am off today due to second day of baby with diarrohea (DP stayed off yesterday.) I backed up my sick call with an email apologising. Got an email back saying no problem but he should have mentioned how busy we were and that noone leaves at 5 anymore. He would appreciate a bit more of me for the coming year. I have asked for a meeting but I've seen other people in this situation (without a baby) and at the end of the day he will ask why he should let me leave at 5 when I get paid more than most of them and they work long hours. It is a really hard argument to win. I mentioned this about two years ago to him that I wanted kids and he whilst it was illegal, he shouldn't promote me if he thought it would be a problem with me leaving on time when I had babies. If I could work my contracted hours - 8.30 till 5 that would be fine with me. I'd still see my baby for 30 minutes in the morning and about 1 1/2 hours in the evening. Really hard but better than not knowing when I'd see him. So is your work much better now?

OP posts:
Original poster
springerspaniel · 07/02/2006 16:43

Unfortunately Anniemac - I completely agree with you about the efficiency thing. I know that when I work long hours, I work less efficiently - sounds stupid but I actually think 'If I've got to be here till 6/7/8' then I'm not going to work my arse off. The sad thing is that if I left at 5.45 every day instead of 5, that would probably be fine but that measly 45 minutes makes a huge difference to how much I see my son.

OP posts:
anniemac · 07/02/2006 16:51

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anniemac · 07/02/2006 16:57

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Original poster
springerspaniel · 07/02/2006 17:04

Thanks. Couldn't decide about nursery vs childminder but funnily enough I went for nursery because someone told me the opposite - that the nursery would be better at looking after poorly babies. Diarrohea is a total no-no so we are at home today.

The job has advantages - an unbelievable salary that I would struggle to find elsewhere. A 25 minute commute. If I moved jobs, its likely that it would be an hour. Good maternity deal. If I moved jobs, I could hardly have baby number two immediately.

Did I say that on the day I left for maternity leave, he said he was legally obliged to offer me part time but couldn't see it working out. I agreed that reduced hours would be tricky but didn't see why 4 out of 5 days wasn't ok. He said that it was because he didn't see his kids when they were little. How can I reason with that?

Shit.

We can't pay the mortgage if I take a huge pay cut.

Shit.

I'm going to have to start working longer hours. I can't see any other way out of it. Some of the newer staff have kids but they are really junior and in support roles (answerring the phone) so he can easily say I earn more than them.

I'm just not going to win here.

OP posts:
northerner · 07/02/2006 17:05

Hi SS. I feel for you too. My ds is neraly 4 now, but I returned to work when he was 4 months old and for the first 18 months or so I hated it. I resented every moment at work when I could be at home with my baby. Some days it would take all my strenghth not to get up and go and collect him. It is hard, but it does get better I promise you. After kids your priorities change completley and work is not the be all and end all any more. Flexibility form your employer is paramount. You must leave at 5pm, tell him you have child care issues and can't work any later, but of course you will out in 110% in the hours you do work and offer to take work home if need be. What's he going to do - sack you? I think not.

Hang in there girl. It will get better.

anniemac · 07/02/2006 17:12

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Original poster
springerspaniel · 07/02/2006 17:13

I know what he will do. He will make my life at work a complete misery and I'll resign.

OP posts:
anniemac · 07/02/2006 17:14

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Calista · 07/02/2006 17:15

You could keep details of that if he did it though and have him for constructive dismissal.

Original poster
springerspaniel · 07/02/2006 17:16

Thanks Anniemac. I know you are 100% right. I'll see how the meeting goes tomorrow. I must must must try and not cry because that will just end the bloody meeting. Shit. The thing that pisses me off is that if I could be 95% guaranteed to leave on time, I'd happily take a pay cut.

OP posts:
Original poster
springerspaniel · 07/02/2006 17:18

Think he is too clever for constructive dismissal and it is a very draining process to go through. Besides, my contract says a load of stuff about being flexible with hours.

OP posts:
northerner · 07/02/2006 17:20

SS that would be bloody illegal and he shouldn't get away with it, and if you took it further he wouldn't have a leg to stand on. Are you the first in your company to have a child?

I wouldn't do it personally. I'd tell him I finish at 5pm, and on odd ocassions if possible I would stay later to show willing. But that's me.

Otherwise you're just going to be miserable. Your boss sounds like an absolute tosser IMO. Esp the comment about him not seeing his kids

northerner · 07/02/2006 17:21

SS you can't be flexible with a child under 5 FFS. There are issues such as childcare to consider here.

He has to be flexible. Don't just accept this cause you feel you have no option.

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