Anyone who works with primary-age DC + no DH help + no family help?

[CoffeeMum]

If anyone's in this situation, as I will be, i'd be really grateful and interested to hear how you manage and what kind of work you do.

I have two DC. My older DC will start school in September, and my younger DC gets 15 free hours of nursery from January 2013. So i could potentially have a year before younger DC starts school where I could have two days a week to study/train/do voluntary work - basically, make myself fit to get back into the workplace!

But really, I am just wondering how on earth I will even manage to work, because as I say, DH works v.long hours so cannot help at all, and we have zero family help. What job can I do from 9.30am-3pm?? I hear that even if you work in a school, you still need wrap around childcare to get your own children to and from school as you have to be there when school starts and finishes. Obviously, there is the paid childcare option, but i'm not a very high earner, so i'm worried that anything I do make will be swallowed up by childcare - and that's even before I think about school holidays.

Also, we manage to maintain a fairly smooth family life at the moment thanks to me being a SAHM - i'm a bit reluctant to plunge us all into a harder life for a negligible amount of money.

Any thoughts and experiences would be gratefully received - i'm feeling rather daunted by the whole business at the moment

Bit limited unless you can go out and get a decent paying job to cover the wraparound care IMO.

Things that spring to mind:-
Carer (desperate need for them these days)
Sales Assistant
Admin
Childminder
House PA-type person
Own business

Sorry, all a bit crap I know. If you could afford it I would actually say not to bother working and do lots of different voluntary work. Companies are a pain in the butt in the fact that there is very little available outside the 9-5 culture or is that 8 to 8?

Why not re-train for something?

You could investigate it this year, then study during the first few years when both your children are at school.

What have you always wanted to do?

Thanks

Yes, i am a bit limited aren't i?! Completely agree about company culture being very much about showing your face from 9-5 and beyond. Had a terrible time when I worked full time before having second child, and it's put me right off mixing work and family life.

Have thought about childminding, but tbh, i think it could require a level of stamina that is beyond me! Would totally be up for admin work, retail work - though while I think it's a totally worthwhile thing to work in a shop, i do feel that as a graduate i'm capable of a bit more [on a good day!] I'm hoping that when younger DC starts nursery I can offer to work for free at places that interest me, and make a good impression, get foot in door for a job. I've had a few situations like this in the past, where i've made myself indispensable and been kept on.

We probably could afford to carry on living a fairly decent life with only DH working, but i do want to get back into work for my own self esteem. I'm happy to do something fairly low-key though. Thing is, we would like to have a bit more money for the DC in the future - uni fees/helping them train in other areas/helping with cars, flat deposit etc, and my working could help there.

I do feel I could really feel fulfilled with voluntary work, helping at the school etc, but I can't deny that i'd like to be bringing some money into the house [though i'm lucky in that DH totally 'gets' that i'm doing pretty valuable work as a SAHM, despite not earning a penny!]

Thanks for your reply

Hi Branching, yes, would love to retrain - already have a degree, so a good springboard to further study. Trouble is, studying involves investing alot of money and time, so i'd want to know it was going to worth it. I'd want to know i was fairly assured of getting a job in the field i'd trained in so make it worth my while IYSWIM. And the crux of the matter is, i dont' want to train up, and then find nobody wants to employ me as i can only work 9.30-3pm term time. Actually, i could work longer days if i used childcare too - i'm totally up for that, if the childcare is good, but what about the holidays?!?

I was really keen on library work, but it seems that with the cuts that are happening, even those with library experience and qualifications are struggling to get work, so it doesn't seem a great choice.

Perhaps teaching assistant, or even teacher, but I just don't know if i'm tough enough to be a teacher?! Maybe i need to give myself a pep talk, and look at teaching, because it would fit the bill...just one year's training, then presumably, there are jobs out there...

I just want to have a plan and get on with it! It's this uncertainty that's doing my head in!

Well, I have just left teaching in order to get a 9 - 5 job, so that I could work fewer hours! I was working 8 - 6, then evenings and weekends....

Keep lurking on this board and there are lots of threads about holidays/term-time working etc.

Why not start with the librarianship idea and see where that takes you? How about working in publishing? Running your own business?

Oh dear Branching Out - of course, when you teach, you're not exactly just there when the kids are there are you?! Maybe the only thing that's family friendly about teaching is that you presumably get holidays off? [well, obviously have work to do, but can be around for your children]

Do you mind if i ask what kind of work you went into from teaching? Don't worry if you'd rather not say

Am really keen on library work, but i just genuinely don't get the sense it'd be worthwhile to work towards that field with all the cuts. Don't know a thing about publishing unfortunately - could look into it, have an english degree which is a good starting point. Would love to run own business, but am at total loss as to what i could do in it. Flaky, aren't it?!

Public sector? Local council or hospital?

Money won't be great and pensions seem to be going down the pan but they are much more flexible in terms of hours and part-time working than industry. They often have women in senior positions which dictates the culture of the organisation (i.e. mainly fat cats in industry with wives at home and inflexible 9 to 5 (and the rest!)).

I keep saying it - think we need to start a revolution...

Both sound good, banana - great suggestions. Don't worry, have definitely got to the point where i'll feel lucky to earn my bus fare to work, i feel very unemployable right now . 'Tis rubbish, really, as i do feel I have alot to offer employers, and i've always really enjoyed and done well in work [not necessarily scaling the ladder, haven't wanted to] but in terms of positive feedback etc.

I will add local council and hospitals to the list. It's good to have lots of possibilities. I suppose i am lucky in that i will have an 'interim period' between younger DC starting nursery and starting school, so i'm thinking i might just offer myself out as the oldest work experience girl in town!

I do, strangely, really love typing. Is old fashioned secretary work still around? Or do you have to be an IT whizz, adept at spreadsheets etc? Nothing i couldn't learn i suppose. All the PA's i know have been super-efficient rather terrifying women - not really me!

thanks everyone for help and suggestions. This is really helping.

But yes, revolution, definitely. But first, a cup of tea!

I work full time and have done since DSs were 1 and 3. We used ft nursery and I have an au pair. No family at all, and DH was (at that time) abroad for 9 months.

A lot will come down to what is affordable. When I went back to work, I worked out I would have to earn minimum of £25k just to break even given the nursery charges. But everyone's situation is different.

Hi fedup, thanks for replying. So would you say your situation is working out well for you? What do you do when, say, one your DC is ill, and you need to be at home? - would the au pair step in? Is the au pair live in? What do you envisage doing about holidays when your DC are older? What about if you want to see the DC in the school play, etc? What if you have to work late or start early?

Sorry - i am rudely firing questions at you, but i'm really trying to think this whole process through, and really thinking about how the nuts and bolts of life will work as and when i do go back into work.

It was scenarios such as the ones i have mentioned above that got me into hot water when i worked full time after having oldest DC. It was always me who had to be off if DC was ill, i could never work late or come in early, boss was nightmarishly unsympathetic, very very stressful time!

Thanks for responding, much appreciated

Funnily enough I'm a PA.

Not many jobs around that involve just typing these days as everyone does their own. You could try a local solicitors or estate agents though.

I wouldn't really recommend being a PA. The job has changed quite a lot in the last few years which means more and more responsibility. It's more often the case that you have to work for several people rather than just one. You also need the hide of a rhino because people often try and offload the crap they don't want to do. Depends on who you work for and workload but getting out of the door at a reasonable hour can be a challenge. My boss has told me all the blokes in our office are a bit scared of me! I'm very nice really...

Other thoughts...
Chiropodist
Holistic therapist

I now work for a children's charity. Love it so far!

I think that your options are:

1. think carefully about what kind of organisation might be sympathetic to someone working part of a day, then go for a role in that organisation. Clinics, hospitals, universities, local authorities....

2. re-skill yourself to work in a role with defined mornings/afternoons, where there is the possiblity of just doing mornings. Lots of health type roles seem to have morning clinics and afternoon clinics.

3. Re-skill yourself for a role which is paid for on an hourly basis, where you can then control the hours eg. if you were a self employed X you could decide to work only 9.00 - 2.30 each day, but be prepared to take the financial hit of only working part time.

Thanks bananafanana - you've basically summed up what i would have assumed about the PA role, ie. that it would be far too demanding for my purposes at this point! Definitely not the tapping away on a keyboard i'd be up for. I can't imagine they'd ever let you work 9.30am-3pm in a PA role...as if! Also, as you say, you need a strong presence and a thick skin, and i'm a bit more of a low-key type...not sure anyone's ever been scared of me, except maybe my DC, on a good day!

Really like the chiropodist idea though - would imagine there could be good steady work there, and you could go NHS/private route, work for self, etc. Definitely putting that on the list. Would like the holistic therapy thing too, but i'm a bit of a pragmatic, realistic type and it would feel a bit risky to train up in something fairly niche, that might be viewed as a luxury for people, if that makes sense?

BranchingOut - children's charity work sounds brilliant, good for you! Thanks for the advice, very good and practical, good starting points for me to think about. Seems obvious to target the places that are likely to employ me, and work backwards - but wouldn't have thought of it that way unless suggested, so thank you!

Thanks both for your replies this is really helping me focus my thoughts

Just to say, I know women with children working in each of those 'formats' (1 - 3 above) and they all seem to have the work-life balance cracked.

Also, try geographically - on a map, draw a large circle around the places you could reasonably get to for work in the hours you want to do, then investigate employers in that zone.

Lots of very good advice on here.

Agree that you need to identify the type of job/employer/location before launching yourself into anything. If you can, I would focus on everything except the money as it's fairly likely you're not going to be highly rewarded. Anything else will be a bonus then. Personally, wish I had done this in the past as although I am paid fairly well I am a slave to the machine!

Thank you both for further replies - the part about looking at possible workplaces geographically is especially useful. When i worked full time with first DC, i found the sheer effort of getting from home to nursery to work and back again, the worst part of the whole business. If i can make the process of just getting to work as simple as possible, all the better.

I've made a list of possible work locations, and a list of possible careers, and when younger DC starts nusery, i will hopefully be all set to offer myself around for two days a week. With any luck, i'll have found some options for working three days a week by the time both DC are at school, a year after that. Had a chat with DH about it all, and it's great that he fully understands the reality of me returning to work and what is involved, and he's v.supportive.

I think it's also great advice to think about everything except money, as i think it's a sad reality that I will not be raking it in when I go back to work. However, from tiny acorns, and all that!

Feeling more positive and excited than daunted now, so thanks very much for your advice ladies. It's just good to know that i'm not just being unduly negative, and that others are facing the same obstacles as me - and getting around them too

Hi there

I am lucky in that I am pretty flexible. I can chose when to work from home to a large extent. If one of the DSs is ill (which they never are - very lucky!!) either I would stay at home and work or the AP would step in. She does live in, and is ok, alhtough she irritates the hell out of me (but that is another thread!)

So - I work from home and go to the assembly / play and then catch up in the evening. If I need to go into work early (we usually leave at 7.15), the AP is there to hold the fort. Likewise working late - I aim to leave at 5 and be home just before 6, but it hasn't happened much recently - usually back just before 7. Again - it is the AP who is there.

It is v helpful when DH is away. If I have forgotton the milk, I can just pop out and get some - if it was just me, I couldn't.

Thanks FedUp, that sounds like a really good solution...i think i'd give it serious consideration actually, if we had a spare room to give to an au pair. But we don't so not an option! And to be fair, i think a 'stranger' living under our roof might be a bit too much like hard work, i think i've done too much flatsharing in my time

But hats off to you for finding a great solution, it sounds great, especially with your DH working away alot

if you going to do something like
Chiropodist
Holistic therapist

look at where you live and who lives there
if there are alot of old people who are well off ish then a chiropodist would be a good idea as lots of old people cant do their own feet . and you go to their houses

where as a holistic therapist is more a luxury therapist so you need people to with money . and have to some where to operated from . going to their houses with a massive massage table is hard work .

look at your area and what is on offer and what the prices are ?

Dental hygienist?
Veterinary nurse?

I was just about to start a thread about this and stumbled upon yours.

I have exactly the same prob as you. DH works long hours and no family help and will not earn enough to pay for 2 children to attend holiday clubs. My DH would have me stay home for ever as we do ok, but never have surplus money for meals out, concerts or holidays.

I think my only option is admin work in a school but employers seem so mean these days on you taking time off if kids are ill which doesnt happen often but with 2 kids it does and will happen. I have a friend of a friend who often sends her kids to school when they are ill as she has no c care for them and her company will not let her have time off!!

All my friends who work have someone they can rely on for part of the childcare but like you I have no one. I am going to do voluntary work in the school and also thru homestart but would love to do some paid work just to add a bit more to the household income but I actually think it is going to be virtually impossible. Someone mentioned clinics which are a good idea coz I did find a job locally at a drs from 930-1 m-f which would have been perfect if both mine at school but have to pick up little one from pre school at 1230. But again what would happen in the holidays!!!!!! Nightmare!!! xx

I could have written your op

Looking for solutions myself so thanks for starting the thread!

yes I do.

I'm a lawyer. I have a live out mother's help/au pair at the moment who comes in the morning to take ds to nursery - he starts at 9.30 and who picks up the dcs from school. I take them to school and then go straight to work. I come home at around 6 when they're all being looked after by the au pair. i also work from home 1-2 days a week. I'm lucky in that my job is flexible.

In the past (in bigger houses) I've had a live in au pair which is very helpful!

I'm lucky though, it pays for me to work.

If salary is not a massive consideration, call centre / retail / bank cashier would be perfect for you. All of these will take people on part time, banks and shops in particular will almost always have staff who just cover lunch breaks eg 10-3 shift etc. If you wanted to progress in future being part time is (in my experience) less of a problem the larger the place you work in.

Thanks for the further replies, bless you all for being so helpful, i really appreciate it

BeattieBow - your situation sounds great, but you have hit the nail on the head when you say that it's financially positive for you to work. You deserve it, you have no doubt worked incredibly hard to get where you are, and no doubt continue to work hard, so hats off to you! However, i fear I am looking at a far more modest salary than you

RockChick - i'm liking the idea of bank cashier actually, but would also seriously consider retail and call centre. To be honest, having had a good think about it all, I think i'll really just be lucky to get any job that fits my requirements and offers a non-insulting wage! For it to be really interesting and/or meaningful would be an added bonus!

I am 100% up for retraining etc, but i do worry that i'll invest time and money and energy in this, only to find myself pigeon-holed, or fit only for very specific work. Which is great if that work is around, but i feel that as i'm not the ideal employee, i have to accept that others may be getting jobs before I do. Depressing, but true.

I think the most feasible options right now are...

admin/temping
retail
GP/dentist receptionist or similar

Okay, none of them make me joyous with enthusiasm, but I could happily do them all. I do feel a bit sad that despite doing pretty well at school, getting a degree and working full time for nearly ten years, i'm basically looking for jobs that a school leaver might be looking at.

HOWEVER, if anything makes this worth it, it's having my DC, and who knows what opportunities lie ahead. Even if i have to tread water for a few years, maybe my horizons can be broader when the DC start secondary school.

We are very fortunate in that DH earns a salary that we can all live on, and i never forget that for a moment [touches wood]. But i don't want to be on the scrapheap just yet