Anyone who works with primary-age DC + no DH help + no family help?

[CoffeeMum]

If anyone's in this situation, as I will be, i'd be really grateful and interested to hear how you manage and what kind of work you do.

I have two DC. My older DC will start school in September, and my younger DC gets 15 free hours of nursery from January 2013. So i could potentially have a year before younger DC starts school where I could have two days a week to study/train/do voluntary work - basically, make myself fit to get back into the workplace!

But really, I am just wondering how on earth I will even manage to work, because as I say, DH works v.long hours so cannot help at all, and we have zero family help. What job can I do from 9.30am-3pm?? I hear that even if you work in a school, you still need wrap around childcare to get your own children to and from school as you have to be there when school starts and finishes. Obviously, there is the paid childcare option, but i'm not a very high earner, so i'm worried that anything I do make will be swallowed up by childcare - and that's even before I think about school holidays.

Also, we manage to maintain a fairly smooth family life at the moment thanks to me being a SAHM - i'm a bit reluctant to plunge us all into a harder life for a negligible amount of money.

Any thoughts and experiences would be gratefully received - i'm feeling rather daunted by the whole business at the moment

Coffeemum - i am in exactly your situation. I've always wanted to do things with a bit of a "social conscience" and used to volunteer at citizens advice - so my plan at the moment is to go back to CAB and get my full adviser qualification and hopefully once I get a foot in the door this will lead to a paid (peanuts but paid nonetheless) caseworker/admin/superviser role at some point down the line. I've looked into various retraining and always stumble on the time/money/committment with no childcare help/holiday issues that you mention above. I would love a career but it always comes down to the fact i don't want to disrupt our family life and know all the stress would fall on me which would probably outweigh any career satisfaction I gained. Like you - all the working mums i know have DH's who finish work at 5pm or amazing parents who live round the corner (or live in nannies).
Teaching assistant could be a good role for you as mentioned in someone's post - paid badly but term time and school hours - i might look into this too.

Oh weaselbudge, thank you, it does give me comfort to read your post and see that there's someone else in the same boat. I can't shake the feeling that i'm being lazy, or worksky, or that i've missed some obvious solution to my predicament that everyone else has worked out. Fact is, i'd love to get some kind of meaningful job - well, any job that'll have me really, but it just feels that there are obstacles every step of the way.

However, on a positive note, your CAB idea is a brilliant one - and one i might steal if you don't mind?! I hope we're not in the same area and competing for the same job?

Did wonder about teaching assistant, would be ideal really, but have heard that you still need wraparound childcare as you have to be at school for start and end of day [ie.when you'd be dropping your own DC off] I will have to do some research there.

thank you for your reply, really good luck to you, must dash, DC awake, agh!

branching out I'm really keen to leave teaching too. Only work 2 days a week, but the stress of the job, plus collecting 3 children, feeding them, doing homewor, violin practise etc and then bedtime on my own while DH works long hours is awful

Due to return by april after maternity leave with DC3 and am trying hard to convince DH I should stay at home instead!!! Child care costs for one with a child minder and two in after, school clubs, two days a week comes to around £110 a week.

Any suggestion??!

Have you thought about working nights?

For eg two or three night shifts in a nursing/care home a week could be do-able. DH does bedtime, you go to work, get back in the morning and sleep whilst little ones at school/nursery. On a non-school or nursery day either don't work or don't work that night so you can skip sleeping and just have an early night.

No childcare costs, flexibility and usually a slightly higher hourly rate for night work.

Dh is gone from 7am - 6pm minimum. Ds1 is almost 8 and year 3 in primary. I work 3 full days per week (working hours 9am - 5pm). Ds1 goes to my friend in the morning (I leave him just after 8) and she takes him to school. One day a friend collects him and the other 2 he's picked up by a childminder. Ds2 (2) is in nursery practically nextdoor to my office and he loves it.

I went back to work in July because we were skint. I couldn't stop again now, even if we were minted. I've got myself back.

Growing3rdBump - have you thought about tutoring privately from home? As an experienced teacher, you'd be an ideal candidate. I know an ex-teacher who makes a good living from this, you can work from home, set your own schedule etc - early evenings, Saturdays etc. Maybe your DC would need to be a little older?

Sidge - working nights is a great suggestion, but wouldn't really work in our situation as DH sometimes has to work nights himself, often works late, weekends etc. He is never predictably home at a decent enough time to commit to doing DC bedtime on a regular basis. Basically, i need a working option that will leave me able to do everything for the DC, and what isn't covered, i'll need paid childcare for. DH is great with the DC and a great help when he's around, but his job is just v.demanding. Also, to be honest, i'm not a hardy enough person to cope with the day/night sleeping changes, getting by on v.little sleep. I struggle enough on my seven hours as i'm so busy all day [well, who isn't?! - but some people do seem to cope better with less sleep, and i know i'm simply not one of them, wish i was!]

Cockadoodledoo - your situation sounds great, it seems to be really working well, and i totally understand the feeling of 'geting yourself back'. However, do you now feel indebted to the friends who help out with the DC? Do you have to reciprocate with care for their DC? I am a bit wary of these mutual arrangements [probably silly, but have heard so many horror stories on here about people not pulling their weight, or taking others for a ride - sure you're lovely about it, but what if you end up helping a freeloader?!]

Thanks all for replying, good to know we're all battling the same issues - even though it's hard, we're not alone!

CoffeeMum, I wouldn't discount library work, especially since it seems to be something you're really keen on. For now you could try getting work as a library assistant in your local public branch, or often schools employ library assistants with very reduced hours, then if you like it you could think about going back to do an MA and become a librarian. Remember that the vast majority of librarian jobs are not in public libraries - they are in universities, law firms, other areas of the public sector, private companies etc. It's actually a huge area. And although it wouldn't be term time only or school hours only, you'd be making a good enough salary to afford childcare.

I did think about private tuition, but it wouldn't work well as I have 3 DCs aged 8, 4 and 7months and DH doesn't get home until after 7pm some nights! It would be an ideal option if DH could get home earlier. I used to tutor after school on my two days (used to be paid for by the government to raise standards, but has now been cut) and that used to raise an extra £60 a week for two extra hours.

CoffeeMum no I don't feel indebted, I do feel eternally bloody grateful though! I offer to reciprocate when I can which means occasional evening babysitting but so far that's all they've asked for, obviously I'm more than happy to oblige. I don't think either of them have been on here bitching about me

The friend that's had ds1 after school has now bloody inconsiderately gone and got herself a job, and she very apologetically said she won't be able to have him after Christmas. Daft mare! We have been so lucky to have her help. He's now going to go to his best buddy's house instead. His mum is actually grateful! They've been separated in school now (his bud is yr2, and they worked together loads last year but can't now ds is a junior) so it's nice for them to have the time together. I've also offered to pick her ds up one afternoon every week but she says there's no need. SHe knows I'm on hand to pick him up if she needs it, as I have done in the past.

So no, I don't feel like I'm freeloading, and they don't either. And believe me, if they thought I was they'd have told me by now!

His childminder is £4.50 an hour by the way, so for a couple of hours a couple of nights a week it's not that bad. Ime most do sibling discounts too.

Thanks for further replies Growing3rdBump - you're one step ahead of me! I'm sorry it's not an option right now, i can completely see why it's impossible. But perhaps something to bear in mind for the future? Always good to have options... Cockadoodledoo - didn't mean for one moment to suggest you were a freeloader, hope that was clear! I merely wondered how you worked it all out, and assumed you must offer help in return [which you do] - it all sounds great. I just have a slightly skewed view of those kind of arrangements after reading so many threads where people are describing problems they have with them. But of course, as with anything, you only hear about the problems...the other 95% people are finding it all works very nicely, thank you very much! Really pleased you've found a solution. I mustn't be so quick to discount the option of friends simply helping each other out. Your childminder sounds good value too.

A friend of mine works 3 days a week, not stuck to school hours (admin type job) and manages it by a combination of childminder, having friends who will help with afterschool pick-ups and working in a company that is reasonably flexible (yes they do exist).
What I'm trying to say is that it is perfectly do-able.

wonders if she's Vintagepommery's friend

CoffeeMum I know you weren't saying that about me. I'm sure your friends won't think that of you either I'm still stunned at their generosity to be honest.

Vintage - yes, thank you - i do need to remain optomistic that i will find a solution, and thinking about it early is making me feel positive that i'll sort something out. I think i'm just especially worried as I had a terrible time when i worked full time after having first DC - awful employers despite the fact i was working my socks off. I'm sure not all employers are like that, but can't shake my cynicism about it all.
Cockadoodle - cool I am just apalling at accepting help, and it does me no favours!

Have you thought about signing on to a temping agency? A friend has been doing that and has done typing/general admin 2/3 days a week in various places including a college

hi op, I feel a lot of the things you are describing!

its so hard fitting it in isnt it - keeping the kids your priority whilst trying to retrain a modicum of self esteem

I'll keep checking onto this thread, see if anyone has an answer!!

lost, the trouble with temping is that the op doesnt have regular childcare and is temping not a bit erratic?

Thanks all - well, i have actually thought about temping as a very valid option. I will have to see if it's okay for me to be available 2, then 3 days a week. I am fairly resigned to the fact i'll have to use a childminder for those 2/3 days a week when i am working - i think i'll have more success if i work a couple of 'full days' rather than five 'part days'. In the new year, i'll phone round the temping agencies and see what they say. I temped after university, and was basically offered a full time job at my second placement, so i'm fairly confident that i can make a good impression [esp if the work isn't hugely challenging].

I've also asked around in town about retail work. I can't say the idea of working on a till in a supermarket is really tempting [though would absolutely do it if i needed to] but i really like the idea of working in a bookshop or boutique or something like that.

Feeling so relieved that i'm thinking about this now with plenty of time to figure it out Even if there are no magic solutions, at least i'll be well aware of my situation and options by the time younger DC starts nursery.

If you're going for retail try Waitrose/John Lewis, staff benefits are fantastic! Good luck with it x

Tell everyone you know what you are looking for. I was a SAHM for 7 years and within 2 months of youngest starting school, had a part time job (9.30 to 2.30 4 days pw) work from home mainly, using previous skills.#

Its not as highly paid as what I did before, but its interesting work that fits in around the children. Its a small, family friendly company that allows us to bank hours in term time to take off in school holidays.

I don't get all the holidays, but its workable with DH taking a bit of holiday, friends helping out and sports clubs.

Maybe i need to give myself a pep talk, and look at teaching, because it would fit the bill...just one year's training, then presumably, there are jobs out there...

Not many, to be honest! Check the TES NQT forum as there are lots and lots of NQTs who can't get jobs.

To the person who has just had their third child and teaches for two days a week-I thought it was me who had just posted that-I did a double-take when I read your post! I am in exactly the same position, though I suppose I'm fortunate in that my parents do childcare for me so I don't have to pay for anything else.

Even though I only teach two days a week, the planning, target-setting, assessment and marking seem to totally absorb the whole week! I worry about ever having to go back to full-time as I just don't know how I could do it and funtion as a parent. I barely functioned 15 years ago when I first qualified and had no children to think about and I laugh when I think of the target-setting (barely mentioned), planning (one side of A4) assessment (a few tick sheets) then-things have just gone bonkers!

I dream of working in a museum!!

I have no family support and am training as a teacher at present. It has been fine so far, I use wrap around childcare and have called on friends for the odd occasion where I had had extra early starts etc. I am worried about getting a job when I finish though ...

Thanks for the further replies! Sorry can't name names here, as DC are rampaging around me, but yes, John Lewis is definitely on the list - we have a lovely one near us, and i've worked for the partnership in the past, so am hopeful. How amazing would that staff discount be?

Teaching....really, limited jobs for NQTs? Not surprised actually, a relative is a teacher with a vast amount of experience and struggled to find work to the point she's had to take a post as a teaching assistant [not that there's anything wrong with being a TA i hasten to add! Merely that she wanted and is qualified for teaching work] To be honest, teaching doesn't strike me as any more family friendly a job than anything else - apart from the fact you get holidays off [well, not 'off', i know there is heaps of marking/admin/inset days etc]
Yes, i am boring everyone i know with my predicament in the hope it leads to opportunities. Only this week i was quizzing the staff in Waterstones about how i get a job there!
Thanks everyone

sounds a bit more positive coffeemum, get in there

Sorry, haven't read all the answers and this may have been mentioned ...

... How about admin work in a university if there's one near you? Often very family friendly and a culture of good work / life balance. Often there are a good number of part time jobs and some are even term time only (and the terms can be longer than those in schools).

I moved from private sector into higher ed admin when ds was about 18 months old. While I have effectively taken a career 'freeze' with a drop in pay, the benefits outweigh the minus points. I'm now preg with #2 and no one bats an eyelid about being able to do your job properly - a real eye opener for me! I hope to take up my career again when both are in school.

Think strategically!
What are your strengths / interests?
How can you "help" others, in providing a business service, - in other words, what problems can you solve for people?
Are there social trends that are slowly but surely creating a business opportunity that is relevant to you? Can you monetise this?
What niche can you fill?
Can you work locally, or online?

Keep your ongoing overheads low where possible. Stay true to your aim of working on your terms / hours to suit you.

Chances are, you won't find a conventional job which offers the opportunity you seek in the hours you require. - But if it is self esteem and empowerment you crave, then seriously consider starting your own business. Seek advice from an accountant about tax relief if you start own business as a sole trader (or in partnership with husband). (Many accountacy firms offer free initial consultation to potential new clients).

If you are worried about starting a business from scratch, then find a helpful company who can provide support / tips / advice / strategy / branding / stress-free-sales to those starting and running a small business.

Profits. Life.