Can anyone help me present my case so I sound reasonable and not like an over emotional crying lady

[worklifeishell]

Occupational health are phoning me to discuss why I have been signed off work for 4 weeks with stress.

The reason is my manager who I feel is bullying me. My doctor advised me to present my case in a way which isn't a character assassination of him and to state points which will help me return to work. I have been there many years, I wish to return to full time once the children are older and leaving isn't part of the plan.

I desperately want to return and to go back to normal however I need progress to have been made as the thought of working with him and returning to how it was before sends fear through me. I cannot sleep, my eczema flares up, I feel sick and dread of the thought of working with him.

I know upon my return he will issue me with a disciplinary warning for my absence which he will take great pleasure from and the thought of sitting there in an office with him makes my heart race and stomach turn.

The main things I feel he does wrong:

Constant criticism and humiliation in front of others.
Blaming me for things others have done wrong.
Making me take on extra tasks he doesn't ask others to do.
He lets everyone else leave early if the work is done whilst making me stay and doing extra work.
I have to ask his permission to leave when no one else does.
Keeping information of meetings from me and then telling me off when I miss them.

This last point occurred again the night I last went to work. My manager had four hours to inform me of a meeting, when all the work was complete I asked my supervisor (who was the highest authority on the floor at that time) if we could leave he said yes and a number of us left early. Unbeknown to me and my supervisor, my manager had arranged a meeting which he said I should have attended and promptly called it the minute I had left the building. I absolutely feel he done this on purpose as he knows the time I left the building which makes me think he was watching me on the cameras.

The next day he left it, once again, to the last minute of the shift to tell me he wanted a meeting with me re. non attendance of the previous meeting, I said I wanted my union rep present (whiche he aware I always wanted a rep with me) he said the union rep. He said the union rep finishes at 6pm so he wouldn't have waited till the time my manager wanted the meeting (6.30pm) so I would have to just a colleague in with me, but the only colleagues available were the new starters. That would have been no different to going in alone so I asked to have the meeting postponed, he continued to argue with me on the floor in front of everyone telling me I should have told my union rep, it's my responsibility. I pointed out that I had only just found out about the meeting so informing him earlier would have been impossible and I asked why my manager couldn't have told me about the meeting at the start of my shift - giving me a chance to inform the union rep. He continued to argue with me that it was my fault. In the end I walked away and came home crying. The next day I was signed off.

This sounds petty and infantile but it's a constant battle I face everyday and no one manager in my workplace seems to understand this . My colleagues understand and my supervisor has said he will back me in a grievance and encourages me to take this route.

I know this is long, so I really need help how to present this to occupational health in a shorter reasonable way so they will listen and help.

You need to put what you have writing above in a letter. What kind if company do you work in? Are you in a union? Keep a diary of all bullying incidents.

I would write this all down - do it incident by incident, giving dates and times of the different incidents. Point out who else in the organisation may have witnessed these incidents. Give examples of the criticisms and public humiliations you have received. Don't add any points of supposition (eg you say above that you know he will discipline you for being off sick - I would leave that bit out).

Apart from raising all this with OH, it sounds very much like to have a strong case to bring a grievance against this man. Why don't you contact HR and clarify the grievance procedure - once again putting everything in writing will ensure that you note all incidents in a clear and measured way.

I worked for a bully once - eventually he forced me out. It was horrible whilst I was in the thick of it, but I can look back on it as a "learning experience" now! Good luck with everything!

Occy Health are neutral, which IME (twice) biases them slightly towards you in these situations Tell the Dr what you've said in your post. If you need to cry, say excuse me and take a deep breath/wipe your eyes before carrying on. They've seen it all before, and their main purpose is to get you back to work in a happy, safe environment.

Have you considered filing a grievance against your twat manager?

The meeting I have later is over the phone.

Will saying what I have written above be ok?

Sorry for above typos was bouncing baby on my knee whilst typing and playing playdoh with dd1

Grievance is dealt with in house so it just seems a waste of time tbh with the management we have.

The company I work for is a big national company but bullying and harrasment is rife and a well documented issue with the company trying -and failing- to put in place procedures to stop it.

Does the example I've given seem petty?

As when I spoke to the only female manager in our office about this issue (she phoned to arrange my meeting with OH) the only point in which she spoke was to agree that the whole thing was petty.

Which is really undermining my thoughts that I had a case. I now think I am making a fuss over nothing. But when I return and it all starts again I will remember how awful it makes me feel and it affects every part of my life. I come home in the evening upset, which affects the one part of the day I get to spend with dh and the lack of sleep makes me ratty with the children the following day.

I have no advice, but I have been there and was eventually forced to leave (ok I walked out half way through a shift as i just couldn't take it anymore)

I will say rewrite what you have above (just the facts - not he will delight in giving me a disipline) adding dates and times if you can. Then go on to how you feel - he will delight in givong me a disipline. No one can argue with your feelings. If you start sentances with i feel rather than accusing no one can tell you your wrong, they can only apologise for making tou feel that way way

The OH will have an email so you can still write it down and send it to them. Just say on the phone you feel you are being bullied and how it makes you feel. If askes for examples say you have written it all down and will email it.

Then write a calm letter to your manager explaining how his behaviour is inappropriate and should it continue you will have no choice but to start grievence proceedings.

Keep a diary and should the letter not be the kick up the bum he needs, follow your letter through and keep in touch with your union.

If you are reasonable and follow procedure by going through all the appropriate avenues like grievence and you are forced out of a job you will have decent grounds to sue for constructive dismissal. Your union, your manager and your HR department will know this and find a way to avoid an expensive court case.

Sorry if you rewrite it you can read it and be clear and consise, rather than rambling and emotional. You are alowed to cry, because its making you feel that bad, the oh will understand

Xpost with nc, or just do what she says!

Sorry that all sounded very cold. But I have been where you are and you need to take some power back. If your manager realises you will fight back, and in a calm intellegent way, he will have to back down.

Addicted is right. In writing you can be calm and reasoned where in real life you cannot. You have a chance to re read end edit. It is the way forward. Also in writting you have a record of what has been said. Ask for all responses to be in writting too, or at least witnessed.

Do not engage in public slanging matches it is what he wants. If he starts shouting at you in public just state "this is inappropriate behaviour if you want to discuss this matter arrange a meeting or put it in writting". And repeat untill he shuts up. Do NOT bite back under any circumstances.

I have told him I feel his behaviour is worthy of a grievance procedure and I am considering it and he said I should go ahead with it.

I don't think he is bothered tbh. He is going to cost me my job, I am sure of it.

Re-write your letter now and post it on here for comments. Then send it to your hr department before your meeting. Print out a copy for yourself before the meeting too.

Then when you have your meeting you can go through it and hr will have a copy too, which should make it easier.

Make lots of notes as you go through and then send updated notes to hr afterwards as your understanding of your meeting.

I would include some concerns for your return - not emotive ones like worries about dismissal but things that are actionable and have arisen from your previous problems. So things like having suitable notice for meetings, meetings to be scheduled when a union rep is available to come along too, a clear understanding of when you (and everyone else) can go home early if work is done vs being given extra work etc. These could then be used to help set targets and expectations when you return.

Don't be afraid of showing some emotion- part of the whole problem is that this is getting to you. If you didn't show emotion they might not realise how badly it is affecting you. Obviously try not to be a blubbering wreck before you start but in reaction to the things that really get you it's fine.

Oh and don't call these things petty- that gives them an easy out if you say up front that you don't think it's bad. They are bad - and your doctor agrees with you because they signed you off for FOUR weeks. That's certainly not insignificant - it's serious bullying have serious effects on you.

That's really helpful zipzap.

Ok heres my letter

I am currently signed off work for stress related problems. This stress is being caused by my line manager. This stress is causing me to suffer from anxiety, lack of sleep. I often return home from work upset, sometimes crying. I dread going into work and feel sick at the thought of working with him.

I feel I am being subjected to constant criticism and humiliation in front of others. I feel as if I am being blamed for things which are others are at fault for. He lets everyone leave early while making me stay behind to take on extra tasks he doesn't ask others to do. I then have to ask permisson to leave, which no one else does. He also keeps information of meetings from me and then criticises me when I miss them.

The most recent example happened the evening before I was signed off by my GP. My manager had four hours to inform me of a meeting that was to take place later that evening. When all the work was complete I asked my supervisor (who was the highest authority on the floor at that time) if we could leave, he said yes and a number of us left early. Unbeknown to me and my supervisor, my manager had arranged a meeting which I missed.

The following evening he left it, once again, to the last minute of the shift to inform me of a meeting he wanted with me re. non attendance of the previous meeting. I said I wanted my union representation. (which he is aware I always want now). He said the union rep finishesd at 6pm so he wouldn't have waited till the time my manager wanted the meeting (6.30pm) so I would have to have a colleague in with me, but the only colleagues available were the new starters which I felt would have been no different to going in alone so I asked to have the meeting postponed. He continued to argue with me on the floor in front of everyone telling me I should have told my union rep, it's my responsibility. I pointed out that I had only just found out about the meeting and I asked why my manager couldn't have told me about the meeting at the start of my shift - giving me a chance to inform the union rep. He continued to argue with me that it was my fault. In the end I walked away and stated crying. My supervisor saw me and said I should give serious consideration to going down the grievance procedure route and he would back me fully in it as he has witnessed many occasions where he considers the manager is bullying me. I can home and phoned the bullying and harrasement hotline who talked me through the grievance procedure and told me my GP can help. I booked to see the doctor the follwoing day, who seeing the impact of the stress, signed me off.

I feel that are certain things which could be put in place in order to help my return to work. These are like having suitable notice for meetings, meetings to be scheduled when a union rep is available to come along too, a clear understanding of when I (and everyone else) can go home early if work is done vs being given extra work.

I have no idea how to end it!!

If you have been signed off work for medical reasons, he cannot issue you with a disciplinary warning - if he has threatened this then cite it along with the other points you listed, it's a further attempt to bully you. Good luck.

I would take out the supervisors observation from para 4.

It's a good idea to make some suggestions regarding a professional framework for working as you have with your last sentence.

You could conclude by restating your commitment to the company and your hope that matters can be resolved to enable your expedient return.

You mst also investigate the grievance process - this s what your union rep gets paid for.

Good luck!

You refer to "he" in para 2 - you need to explain at the start of this para who "he" is - ie your manager. I would also be inclined to add a short introductory para, saying what your job role is and how long you have worked for the organisation.

It is a good letter - it clearly states your concerns and the impact this is having on you without getting too emotional

I have some concerns about your letter in terns of content but I only have a minute so I'll cover the main issue I've spotted and come back later.

Your insistance on being accompanied by a union rep to all meetings is deeply unreasonable. Your right to be accompanied extends to certain disciplinary and grievance meetings. See www.acas.org.uk/index.aspx?articleid=917 By refusing to have a meeting with your line manager without being accompanied could be seen to be disobeying a reasonable request which is gross misconduct. Your behaviour around this point may undermine what may well be reasonable grounds for complaint so you need to think carefully about how you approach this now and going forward.

You should mention that you have raised the issue of your manager's behaviour with him and preferably give dates and times. You should also state what he said to you at the time.

I would rewrite the whole middle section in a more factual way. ie Date: X, location: Y, Witnesses: A, B and C.

Always state what happened, then add how you felt afterwards.

So I shouldn't mentioning not wanting to attend without a union rep? I have to be quick as the phonecall is hapening any minute

Occupational health won't be interested in the details of who said what and when. They want to know about your medical issue - like your doctor.

So cause: workplace stress from line manager. Symptoms: as you described. Remedy: removing workplace stress.

There's a huge difference between a "so what happened to you the other evening when we were due to have a meeting" meeting/chat and a capability or conduct meeting pending investigation or disciplinary.

I don't know of any organisation with a collective bargaining agreement and active union involvement who would expect to attend every meeting about conduct or performance. Just the serious ones likely to result in disciplinary action. There isn't enough time for a start.

Just had the phonecall and it was exactly like you said Katie.

No physical problems preventing return to work so referred to a counselling service who will phone me on Monday to discuss enabling return to work.

I'm hoping this counselling service will work and actually be able to help me go back rather just sending me back as things stand.

Use your letter any way but send it in as a grievance. Use your union rep to support you too. It's the best way to resolve a situation when informal methods (ie speaking to the person) have not worked.

The counselling sounds good but it won't fix the problem.

I really have to go but will be back later.