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Dilemma for my DH- advice? Really concerned.

36 replies

nameswapper · 18/12/2005 18:31

I have changed my name rather than am a troll, as I have met the people in question and would detest being recognised. Sorry.

Dh's work has to cover shifts over Xmas Day and NYE, so Dh works NYE and someone else (no kids) works Xmas Day. Fine so far. The problem is with the departmental managers, with whom DH is interchangeable because of past experience. Their line manager says they have to BOTh come in BOTH days (they upset him recently and this is his reward).

Their solution is to change the shifts so that Dh is scheduled for Xmas Day but he doesn't go in and they swipe his timecard. Someone else does the same NYE.

Whilst I like the idea of him home NYE and I fully appreciate his manager has three children under 5, one who is six weeks old and he wants to see them, I am scared rigid he will be found out and sacked. to say we would lose everything would be an understatement- i can't work for various reasons, and we have an extortionate mortgage that costs over half of our income. We also have very small children.

If Dh backs out they can now force him to go in on Xmas Eve which will eff up Xmas as we should be away, I cannot drive and we don't have enough money put aside to do the whole Xmas thing here (gave loads to parents who are hosting). If he telephones managers to say 'Hang on chaps, not on' he's making himself very vulnerable as there are big changes afoot at his place of work.

But even if he doesn't get caught, I know I will be panicking all over Christmas now. I hate lying, am as honest as I can possibly be in every way and it has never led me to any harm.
I also feel things have started to go right for us this year, and he is inviting bad karma. or is he? he's helping someone see their nb son on christmas day.

Dh has asked if I want him to telephone and say no way guys, but if I say yes then he will hold me responsible for any negativity he receives, and there tends to be a lot there anyway. I told him that was his choice but that I was severely unhappy.

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tillykins · 18/12/2005 18:33

Personally, I wouldn't be at all happy at the idea of having his card swiped as though he has worked - if he is found out, he probably would be sacked
Is there no one he could raise it with at work? It seems awfully harsh to do both days

ChunkerXmasCake · 18/12/2005 18:35

I'd be uncomfortable as anything about someone swiping his card for him.

Can he ask why they both need to be in both days when that's never happened before and it's not busy (if it's not!)?

hercules · 18/12/2005 18:35

Dh has to work over both periods and I know would lose his job if he did what your dh is being asked to do. His job is more important than everything else here and his loyalty for his own sake has to be to his employers. TOugh for the other guy but if he wants the job then he has to accept the terms.

Dh makes decisions all the time that make him unpopular with other managers and staff but his company appreciate him making a stand and that's what singles people out over others I think who dont want to upset others.

nameswapper · 18/12/2005 18:42

There will be nothing for the others to do, it is purely contractual. They did enquire as to why they were wanted and even presented a number of different options and were told that he {their line manger) was in charge... basically, there was very nrearly a coup that lost the line manager his job and he is stamping authority on them as heavily as possible.

The question seems to be either we risk the job, or give up Christmas for our family. We wouldn't even see anyone as we are so far from anyone we know, we were due to be 200 miles away with family. If he raises it with anyone he's very vulnerable to bullying as it has been an issue before.

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SenoraPostrophe · 18/12/2005 18:44

why can't the other two managers swipe their cards without working? sounds dodgy to me.

hercules · 18/12/2005 18:45

I really wouldnt risk his job. Bullying is unacceptable and perhaps your dh needs to do a grievance against the perpetrators.

hercules · 18/12/2005 18:46

What about christmas on another day. Jesus wasnt even born on dec 25th anyway!

nameswapper · 18/12/2005 18:47

I think one of the twosome is going in Xmas and swiping all the cards, one on NYE and doing... i think they are just pretending to swap with Dh for a cover story then buying him off.

Ther has to be SOMEONE there because of the nature of the job, they just won't have anything to do.

I wondered if they were 'trialling' it on Dh to see if he got caught? Dh says they wouldn't do that though.

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nameswapper · 18/12/2005 18:48

Has made grievances before and been laughed at.

Christmas for us is with my family... I gave them the money and No Christmas for us is now No Christmas.

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hercules · 18/12/2005 18:49

Please make sure he goes in. It is far too risky.

hercules · 18/12/2005 18:49

Does he belong to a union?

6beetrootsAmilking · 18/12/2005 18:52

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6beetrootsAmilking · 18/12/2005 18:53

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nameswapper · 18/12/2005 18:57

Dh works all night and has to sleep alld ay, No union, or you get sacked on made up offences.

have discussed (shouted) with Dh at length about this, ot prepared to say no so I'm shiteing myself.

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foundintransleightion · 18/12/2005 19:00

Don't do the card-swiping thing, don't. It's too big a risk. It's sad but he must go in.
Can't you talk to your family, get them to give the money back, so you can have a nice quiet celebration at home? Can't you arrange another weekend to meet up, and even though it won't be 'Christmas', you'll still see everyone?

foundintransleightion · 18/12/2005 19:01

show him this thread.
The job sounds a nightmare - he needs to be looking elsewhere.

6beetrootsAmilking · 18/12/2005 19:02

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WickedWinterWitch · 18/12/2005 19:09

Sod Christmas, imo he has to
a) not lie, if he's supposed to go in he should go in. This smacks of a set up to me. Presumably it's gross misconduct and instant dismissal if he's caught?
b) Look for another job asap, they sound like tossers
c) Celebrate with just you lot or go later to see your family. Boxing day will still be nice.

Honestly, I wouldn't risk lying.

ladymuck · 18/12/2005 19:11

If it really only needs one person to be in why can't he pull a sicky at Christmas? No-one else will get called in. He can then work NYE as previously planned? (And will have demonstrated that only one person is actually needed).

It's strictly no more legal than what is being planned, but at least you get the dishonesty over and done with at the start of the day, rather than waiting to be caught all day. You have young children - bugs happen.

hercules · 18/12/2005 19:19

Personally I wouldn't risk a sickie as they will know and will make life worse. In dh's job, he works nights,if this happened someone else would be called in.

I would also look for another job.

SueW · 18/12/2005 19:24

Don't do it.

"Dh works all night and has to sleep alld ay, No union, or you get sacked on made up offences. "

What? In 2005?? The company that props up this kind of should be wiped off the face of the earth.

sallyhollyberry · 18/12/2005 19:29

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bossykate · 18/12/2005 19:32

agree with everyone else - he should absolutely not get anyone else to swipe his card. he could be sacked for this.

also agree that he should start looking for another job pronto in the new year.

i think it might be possible to juggle the festivities somewhat so that you still get a family christmas - but need to know more exactly his hours, whether he is working christmas eve night also in order to make suggestions.

Nightynight · 18/12/2005 20:10

pull a sickie if they can't prove otherwise. Have to do something about the phone though. Record a message saying you'll call back when you return from A&E?

Nightynight · 18/12/2005 20:10

but I agree with the others - dont break the 11th comandment and risk getting caught.

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