Will be working FT - having a wobble as new baby will be in nursery FT

[MrsArchchancellorRidcully]

I have one DD who is almost 3 and am pg with No2 due in November. I work FT and will do same after next bout of maternity leave.

DD is currently at private nursery 3 days and at MIL's 2 days a week. Perfect set up for us of 1-2-1 care and nursery care.

Thing is, MIL says she too old to look after new baby in same way. Totally respect her decision, she's been amazing with DD and they have such a close bond but it is tiring for her.
So, assuming she doesn't change her mind, this one will have to go to nursery FT. I keep worrying about it as it's a lot of time to be in nursery. He/she will go at about 10months old. The nursery DD goes to is fab and I trust them (so much so that DD will stay there till she goes to school rather than go to pre school) but I am still quite tearful that new DC will be in the system FT at such a young age.

Any reassurances from others in a similar situation please?

My daughter started nursery FT when she was 9 months old, and I have no regrets, she's absolutely loving it there (now 2.5). We didn't have a choice, but to be honest I'd always have chosen a nursery over granny - both my Mum and my Mother-in-Law are great, but I think a group setting where the carers have time to spend all day playing with the kids is better.

How about a childminder for part of the week? Maybe someone who can also help with school pick ups and drop-offs as your eldest daughter gets older.

Could you or your dh reduce your hours to four days a week?
I think it's too long for a baby to go to nursery all week tbh
and you'll be beyond frazzled

Same as you widowwadman, my ds is in nursery full time, started at 9 months. He loves it there, and its great. Way more reliable than my mil who lets us down all the time...

I think full time nursery is too much for a baby too - how about a childminder?

Some great 'reassurances' here

It'll be fine - you know and trust the nursery after all. My ds went to nursery ft at 4.5 months old and I never had any regrets

Why don't you get a nanny? Two sets of nursery fees are going to be very onerous anyway, and when your DD1 starts school you will need holiday cover for her for many weeks a year and she will be very little for a playscheme. And your nanny can do all your DCs' laundry and cooking and be a bit flexible for you at the beginning and end of the day.

Assume the dd who is nearly 3 will get nursery voucher thingies so her place will be pretty much paid for bonsoir

Really? The cost of a FT private nursery is met by the 15 hours nursery voucher entitlement?

Nooo OP says her dd is only in nursery 3 days a week. Unless I misunderstood totally (quite possible) dd will remain in nursery part time, grandma's part time?

Bonsoir, the older DD is not in nursery FT, she is with MIL 2 days a week.

OP - I would not worry. You can see how it goes and if you are not happy with the nursery situation as time goes on, you can always look into getting a childminder etc.

FWIW I've had one who was in nursery FT from 6 months, and one who is still at home with DH and will go to nursery when he is 3. DD was perfectly happy at nursery - it was fine. DS, on the other hand, is sometimes a bit bored at home, doesn't get to do many crafts, and doesn't get a lot of party invites etc so I think it's swings and roundabouts. There are lots of positives about a good nursery.

It's not going to last long anyway though - the crux of the matter will be when her DD1 starts school and the family needs holiday cover.

I mean, obviously you can do crafts and social things with your child if you are a SAHP, but it is all there ready-made if they are at nursery.

DD went to nursery aged 9 months, and, like another poster, willbe staying there till school, rather than going to a different nursery.
I have no regrets either, she loved it there, and I loved getting back to work.

She has fab speech for her age, and is very confident around people, I would not worry about your LO too much.

How about DD goes to nursery FT and DC2 goes to nursery 3 days a week and to MILs 2 days a week?

in other words, DC2 takes over the set up that DD now has, and DD moves on to FT nursery.

Or would MIL not be willing to look after a baby?

Waves at MrsArch from the Nov bus... I'll be doing the same. No, before anyone asks it isn't always possible for the woman to cut out hours (I earn 3 times my DH salary) and he wants to keep going with his career. My choice not to have a nanny in the home, too much much like a replacement Mummy for me, my issue I know. Friends with nannies all perfectly happy.

DD now 26 months, was in FT nursery from 10 months (slow increase from 3 - 5 day from 6 months) and loves it.

New baby will have to go to nursery full time somewhere between 6 - 9 months which will again be tough, lots of tears (mine not theirs) but DD is such a lovely ray of sunshine it doesn't seem to be destroying her mentally. If some family could help out that would be great but I think 5 days nursery is less unsettling than 2 days CM and 3 days nursery somehow. Probably a daft perception.

Good idea from minipie though.

Hi, my DD was FT in nursery from 6 months (now 2.5) and now my DS has started FT too - he's 7.5 months. DD LOVES nursery and so far DS does too.

DD is happy and well adjusted IMHO, she has a really strong bond with her main carer.

I would say that starting at 10 months may be harder than starting earlier in some ways because your baby may be starting to get more separation anxiety, so be prepared for that.

Please try not to worry too much - i was more worried this time around because my son is different to my daughter (i never had any worries about her getting on at nursery, despite her age), but so far he is really loving it and is a happy little chap.

Thanks for all your messages (Hi Katiebeau !)

Sadly, as I too earn about 3x DP, I have to work FT. DP works very hard and runs his own business but it simply does not bring in the dosh atm.

On the upside, i am able to work flexitime and I can work from home (although it's expected I do a full day in the 'office' even if at home - makes pick up and drop off easier but I couldn't have the children at home with me).

We probably couldn't afford a nanny and even if we could, not sure if I'd want someone in my home. May confuse DD too as I work from home on a regular basis. We also don't have any spare room and live in quite a local backwater nr Chester/N Wales so unlikely to attract many applicants!

In January, DD will get her vouchers so that will help towards the cost of nursery. As she is a Sept baby, she won't get a pre-school place till the Sept she turns 4 so our plan is that Sept 2012 she will go to nursery full-time as it will start to prepare her for school the following yr. That will coincide nicely with me going back to work.

The ideal situation would be for new baby to go to MIL's 2 days a week at that time but sadly MIL feels she is now too old. Can't blame her - she's in her late 60s and she's done so much already. DP says she may mellow once baby is here and when the realisation sinks in that she won't be looking after DD at all.
On the upside, She will be more willing to do impromptu baby-sitting and occasional holiday care so she gets to bond with the new baby etc.
We have a good holiday club nearby, so with my annual leave/flexi days/MIL we've pretty much got school hols sorted.

We did think about childminder and we will look at that once new baby goes to pre-school for both of them, but I think a childminder 2 days and nursery 3 may be confusing. I do trust the nursery and their baby room is just lovely and homely (and after my hassling, they now champion BLW to other parents )

I just wanted some tales of children doing OK whilst FT at a nursery, so thanks.

KSal, yes i remember the separation anxiety from DD at 10m. Twas horrific but soon passed. I'm not relishing it but we'll get through.

Why not a childminder full time?

I am in a similar situation to you re salary in that we could a for for DH not to work, but not me because i earn an awful lot more... am slightly fed up of having to justify why i am back at work full time (again) because i don't want to talk to people i know about money and its really none of their business.

anyway, you want to hear of children doing OK... i have two of them and they are doing great :). I really think your new one will be fine. you'll worry loads in advance but then once its all happening you'll find its better than you imagined

erm that should say 'afford for DH not to work'

Why is it "too much" for a baby, or in what way is a childminder better? What's wrong with having more than one adult looking after them at the same time? It's one nursery nurse for 3 babies at that age, which I think is ok. At my daughter's nursery they let the children choose their own keyworker, too.

She also spent most of the first few months in nursery in a sling strapped to one of the nursery nurses, which she seemed to quite like.

I just think it is a tough environment for a small baby. It is hard to meet the needs of lots of children the same age with a ratio of 1:3 - much easier with children of differing ages/needs. As an adult a full day in a nursery is tiring, some of the full time children are there longer than the staff. It can be loud, stressful, overstimulating.