THE TERM 'FULL TIME MOTHER'

[Loola]

I need some advice on this. See, being the guilty single mother that I am and having to work, I get really fed up when I hear people say 'Full Time Mother'. It implies that us unfortunates who have to work are only 'Part Time Mothers'. Now, my feeling is that I go to work in order to provide for my children as much as possible. I don't go to work because I have some great desire to forge a career for myself. I simply have little options and in order to care for my lovely little family it is the only option. However, and this is the bit I'm not sure about, I resent some women, certainly politicians, who insist on referring to 'Full Time Mothers' as though they are just one step short of the Virgin Mary. Now, I know that this could be a guilt-driven over-reaction but it bugs me. What do y'all think? Am I being unreasonable to try and figure out a more PC way of defining mothers that work as oppose to mothers that don't work (in the stereotype sense). Or are there others out there who cringe every time the term is used.

I know in the US they refer to SAHMs (Stay at home mothers) which doesn't therefore imply that working mothers are 'part time mothers'. I also have a problem with the semantics of full time mothers. I work 4 days a week so does that make me a double part timer? It certainly doesn't feel like that!

Do you know I am going to really miss all this!

Wornout, there's nothing else for it, you'll have to get a home computer.

Talk about synchronisity. I was only wondering this morning about alternatives to the term working mother. Will put my copywriter's hat on and let you know it I have a brainwave, though not even a ripple as yet.

As a mum who doesn't work I would just like to say that I hate all the terms applied to me (full time/stay at home/brain dead) but can't think of an alternative that won't cause the person asking what I do to spontaneously combust with boredom the minute I admit to "just" being a mum. Frankly, I could go into gory detail about why I gave up a brilliant job (bad birth, lots of nasty health problems as a result etc etc, trying to set up working from home etc etc) but then I'd have to pass them a sick bucket too. So don't worry too much Loola, there's quite a lot of us "full timers" who wish we were anything but.
PS: Star, you crack me up.

My mother used to just say she didn't work, but put the dreaded "housewife" on official forms, because she wasn't claiming unemployment benefit as was.

I always ignore any digs and I will do so in this case as well!

Did anyone see "Junior" magazine? I didn't but was told about it. They were having a debate about whether woman should work or not!! The conclusion was - and brace yourself - that children want their mums not to work! No mention of what they want their dads to do and I am a bit intrigued about how they know what say a 2 month old baby wants. Do they go around doing vox-pops? I can't imagine a baby saying anything more exciting that "goo goo ga ga" to a reporter!

I suppose society just feels the need to label us. We're all something - a sister, a partner, a wife, a daughter, a mum.

Whatever I do it is irrelevant whether I am a mum or not. Its down to us how we describe ourselves. When people ask what me what I do, I say I'm a fundraiser. I don't say I'm a fundraiser and a mum too or I'm a fundraiser and I've got two sisters. Equally, what's wrong with saying I'm at home with my child(ren)? Why do people also feel the need to say whether they are part-time working or not? I don't introduce myself as a part-time fundraiser. People don't need to know that.

Stop feeling guilty about what you do/are. And stop feeling as if you have to justify your existence to people who, quite frankly, don't matter.

Emman, you are so right. I should stop fretting about it and taking it too personally. I know it is driven by my own sense of guilt. You are all so very helpful!!!!
Feel so much better now. Time for a cup of tea and biccie!!!!!!!!!!!

Star, don't start getting all PC now, you made me smile!

Sorry if I am appearing really dim but what does JBR stand for around here?

Its a person not an acronym, it doesn't stand for anything...well actually she does, but her views are like marmite...you either love 'em or you don't!!!

Aha, cool. Cheers for that. I just wondered what Star meant by 2 JBR's? You've all been at this so much longer than me - I'M PRACTICALLY A VIRGIN!!!!!!!!!

LOL Star and everyone else! It's just my initials. I didn't come up with anything inventive as a username unfortunately!

AAAAAAGH!!! If you are confident of the choices you have made, who gives a @&&*! what you're called. This is the one subject that drives me away from these chat boards time and time again, only this time I thought I would react online the way I react in front of my screen. For God's sake, there are people flying planes into buildings in the name of religion and we get hung up about what we are called! Will everyone please get a grip!

Indeedy, Emmagee. I'm constantly astonished at the passion this type of topic arouses.
Jbr- The Junior article was tedious nonsense along the lines of: "I stay at home with my kids and they're thriving and my way is the only right way, so yah boo sucks," to which the riposte was: "I work to keep my family in rich goodies and they're thriving and my way is the only right way, so yah boo sucks."
Yawnity yawn yawn yawn.

what really annoyed me about the junior article was the one who said that "mothers who stay ay home tend to stick their children in front of the tv while they do domestic things" - and nobody in the article (is quoted as having) challenged her!!!!! Just because she is a social worker and obviously sees the people with problems she appears to assume we're all at it - it's the closest I've come to writing in to a magazine to object!

errrr.. well I'm a mother who works full time outside the home (or whatever today's accepatble terminology is) and I an certainly guilty of sticking my son in front of the odd video while I perfect my chocolate souffle or whatever... I really agree with Emmagee on this one. It is an utterly pointless discussion and I couldn't care less what people lable me.

errrr.. well I'm a mother who works full time outside the home (or whatever today's accepatble terminology is) and I an certainly guilty of sticking my son in front of the odd video while I perfect my chocolate souffle or whatever... I really agree with Emmagee on this one. It is an utterly pointless discussion and I couldn't care less what people label me.

Glad to see that the Junior "bestest friends of the journalist" article on SAHM or working mothers riled others too. A piece of generalist nonsense if ever I saw one. Emmagee, Croppy, Scummmymummy, you are right. I'm a mum. Full stop. And I suppose that's why this site is called MUMsnet.

On the subject of Junior, I bought it for the first time last month and was really disappointed. I thought the articles were incredibly light-weight, all just skimming the surface, with no in-depth research. The ads annoyed me as they were all for incredibly expensive children's clothes - Gucci & Armani stuff for heaven's sake. I won't be buying it again.
As far as what we are called is concerned, I'm not really that fussed. At the end of the day we are all full-time mothers or parents and some of us are also in paid or unpaid employment. Anyone whose eyes glaze over when you mention mother isn't worth talking to anyway!!!

Bugsy, it's been better. Last month's was a pretty feeble issue - I am beginning to wonder if they have overstretched themselves by going monthly. I find the huge range of small ads at the back the best thing about it at the moment - lots of unusual toys, clothes, footwear etc.