THE TERM 'FULL TIME MOTHER'

[Loola]

I need some advice on this. See, being the guilty single mother that I am and having to work, I get really fed up when I hear people say 'Full Time Mother'. It implies that us unfortunates who have to work are only 'Part Time Mothers'. Now, my feeling is that I go to work in order to provide for my children as much as possible. I don't go to work because I have some great desire to forge a career for myself. I simply have little options and in order to care for my lovely little family it is the only option. However, and this is the bit I'm not sure about, I resent some women, certainly politicians, who insist on referring to 'Full Time Mothers' as though they are just one step short of the Virgin Mary. Now, I know that this could be a guilt-driven over-reaction but it bugs me. What do y'all think? Am I being unreasonable to try and figure out a more PC way of defining mothers that work as oppose to mothers that don't work (in the stereotype sense). Or are there others out there who cringe every time the term is used.

I don't know. Where I come from we don't have different names as such, you are either working in a job or not, someone with or without kids if they didn't have a job would say "I don't have a job at the moment because...and the answer is usually back at home, they can't bloody find one! And "unpaid" work is usually classed as voluntary eg PDSA, Barnardos etc etc.

Emmagee you are right and I stand suitably reprimanded for having even bought the subject up.
However, I would make the point that as you react when you see a discussion about 'labelling' appearing on a chat room, it is akin to the reaction I feel when my working implies 'part time mother'. Perhaps then in light of not only the recent tragedies in the US but also in light of the many other tragedies that happen across the world, we should all stop having so much angst about us being mums and just get on with it, doing the best we can. I reckon that's the best way forward for me. Thanks for pointing me in the right direction. Ta ra.

Why is there so much steroetyping of women nowadays. How can I describe what I am, or all other mother who work at home or are like me work on the farm. I get really pissed off (sorry about the language) by people who insist in "Positioning" women in society, either as a "Full time Worker", or SAHM. Who gives a monkeys as Croppy has said. I personally would skelp anybody in la mouche if they implied that women who work are not looking after their children, or women who don't work as having a "Life of Reilley". I work 365 days a year, even Xmas, because we usually have lambs then, and have been known to put one of mine asleep in an empty pen in my lambing shed, whilst aprehending a ewe who needs lambed or whatever. I am a Mother first and then a farmer, my children and husband take priority over EVERYTHING, and I think that you all will agree that is what matters, and to hell with what other people think. End of rant, had very bad day, pouring with rain, husband away in lorry with cattle, and cows, calves and bulls to feed with a son who is full of a rather nasty cold!. I will now go and have a glass of wine, followed later by a large Gin and Lemonade. I do apologise ofr the flowery language earlier, but if I had said what I wanted to say I would have been banned form here for life!!!

Went out last night and got lashed which did me the power of good as now couldn't care what anyone calls me... as long as they do it quietly.

Never heard a bloke say he is a father, then a whatever his job his. Nobody would expect a bloke to do that! The day we have discussions about what men do in their spare time as it were as well as what they do for a living, we will have cracked it.

Well I know quite a few men JBR who stay at home and look after their children while their wives work. When they are asked what they do, they of course answer that they are look after their children. Are you seriously suggesting that women who work full time outside the home reply to this with the answer "I'm a mother"??. Of course they don't - they say "I'm an accountant" or whatever.

This obviously has nothing to do with the message that we are all mothers first (whether working outside the home or not). It's just common sense!. Why can't you just accept that a greater proportion of women rather than men choose to stay at home with their children or work part time and I might add, are in many cases very fortunate that they have a male partner who is able to fund this choice.

I would just like to point out Jbr that parenting is not a 'spare time' activity!

I did say "as it were" which clearly means not in the literal sense.

What I meant was when men start worrying about how to fit in kids with their career etc etc, then we will have cracked it. You could then argue why can't parents in general have both, but that's separate.

I'm just getting to know this web site and I find in 'Other Subjects' a fairly lengthy toing and froing from previous months about this particular subject. Sorry then to have 'opened up old wounds' that quite clearly have been dealt with and in some small way put to bed.

Incidentally the origins of my divorce can be put squarely at the door of his decision that 'as he didn't have a job at the time of the birth and I did that therefore it would make sense for him to stay at home and be the house-husband'. I can't understand why my mindset thought that it was acceptable to go back to work 9 weeks after both my son and I clinically died during childbirth, an emergency hysterectomy and purely because we desperately needed the money. I can't understand now why I would justify this arrangement, knowing that my 'househusband' was having a gay old time sleeping with the baby, doing all the fun things and then when I arrived home from work leaving all the mess to me and pissing off the pub on the back of 'I've had a hard day with the little 'un' and then being too bloody pissed to help me do the night feeds. I can't now understand why our circle of friends used to regale me with 'isn't he wonderful your husband to be doing all of this', 'how can you go to work', 'how will the children turn out'...............all of this is the source of my frustration at having to work and why I feel compelled to stick up for mothers in general but also for mother's who don't have a choice because of whatever reason.

I only wish I had been wiser, less of a doormat and given up on some of the guilt that I felt sooner enough to kick is sad sorry butt out of the door alot sooner.

JBR - I read all of your stuff on the other chat. Regrettably and not something I am proud of, I was a direct product of the 'women should stay at home' theory and it was the guilt that I didn't do what society expected that caused me to get into that state in the first place.

My Ex seriously thought he was some incredible individual, proudly parading our children around in a double buggy every day, whilst havoc reigned behind the facade.

Suffice it to say that since I took charge of my life and accepted what I couldn't change, i.e that unless my numbers come up pretty bloody soon, I shall be working a while yet, I have two very happy children, a stable structure, a nice life and to top it all after having read alot of what is written in these pages, a far greater sense of my own capabilities. I'm not actually doing that bad a job at all, irrespective of whatever anyone wants to call me. Call me a 'Full Time Mardy Cow/Part Time Sex Goddess/Stay at Home Couch Lush' for all I care - I suddenly realised what was important to me.........

'The word Mother is God on the lips of Children'.

NUFF SAID

I wouldn't mind being an occasional sex god LOL!

Yeah, I wouldn't mind occasional sex......God. Bit of a pointless prayer there! We are being very flippant for such serious debates!