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Original poster

Colleague's innapropriate ring tone

36 replies

Popolly · 07/03/2011 16:32

Not sure if I am being petty with this or not. I have a male colleague, and I am constantly bothered by niggling little things about him, the latest being that he has got himself a ring tone on his mobile that says "CAN THE MAN WITH THE 10INCH PENIS PLEASE ANSWER THIS PHONE". It says it over and over again until the phone is answered.

We are not meant to use our mobiles in working hours, although it is not minded if we have our mobile phones on silent on our desks. His is never on silent, and his ridiculous ring tone really bothers me, mostly I think because I find it so unprofessional.

If this was you, what (if anything) would you do?

OP posts:
ShatnersBassoon · 07/03/2011 16:34

If it bothered me, I'd say something.

I might say "It wasn't funny the first time I heard it, and it hasn't aged well either". People who think they're funny hate it when people tell them otherwise.

charitygirl · 07/03/2011 16:34

Gross.

I suppose the 'easy way' ould be to say 'Oi, David Brent, give it a rest'. If he queries, tell him it's naff and cringe worthy, and makes you feel like you're a cast member in The Office.

If you donlt feel you can, I would make a complaint to line manafer. Unless they're a dick too.

BarbieLovesKen · 07/03/2011 16:35

Im sorry but I've almost pee'd myself laughing at that one..Grin Grin Grin

brimfull · 07/03/2011 16:39

lol

FourFortyFour · 07/03/2011 16:40

I can't believe this. If it is true you need to tell his boss. It is stupid, inappropriate and infantile.

BarbieLovesKen · 07/03/2011 16:42

Is is a tiny bit funny though, isnt it?

ExitPursuedByABear · 07/03/2011 16:42

Seriously!

I did know a chap once who had some gross exaggeration of his sexual prowess on the screen saver of his mobile.

Cannot you nick his phone and change it to something more appropriate when he is not looking - like 'will the dickhead who owns this phone please answer it'.

AbsDuCroissant · 07/03/2011 16:42

I agree - discuss with your manager and say that it's inappropriate for the workplace (in fact, any ringtone's annoying)

Or, next time you need to ask him something just say "could the man with no penis please [do blah]?"

MrsKwazii · 07/03/2011 16:44

I don't think you're being petty, I think that he is being an arsehole, unfunny and offensive.

You can either:

  1. ask him to put it on silent as it's distracting (which is probably what he wants) OR
  2. have a word with your/his manager to remind everyone to have their phones on silent as it's office policy and very unprofessional
Original poster
Popolly · 07/03/2011 16:44

Yes, the people who say it's funny are the ones who make me think I'm over-reacting to him. He is in his mid 50's, I am in my mid 20's, and he makes my skin crawl so much, but in a way that is hard to pin down IYKWIM?

Little things like refers to women as 'birds', and makes innapropriate comment about my weight or clothes etc. I don't want to say anything if I'm going to look petty and ridiculous, but I find him so innapropriate and it really bothers me!

OP posts:
MmeLindt · 07/03/2011 16:46

I don't find this funny at all.

Would "would the woman with 32DD boobs please answer the phone be funny"?

I would speak to my manager about it.

AbsDuCroissant · 07/03/2011 16:46

Mysoginistic dinosaur? I worked with someone like that who I stupidly added on FB. he was swiftly unadded and blocked when he invited me and another colleague to send him topless pictures of ourselves.

He was married with DCs. Charming

GlynisIsFixed · 07/03/2011 16:48

I don't know if you can do anything about his ring tone, but his making comments about your appearance is out of order.

Can you have a word with HR?

Original poster
Popolly · 07/03/2011 16:52

Glynis, the comments are so SMALL though! Recently I was v ill with a virus, and lost over a stone in weight. Was discussing this with a colleague, and he walked past, looked me up and down and said "lost weight? oh, you don't look like it". It was obviously meant to be a put-down, but its such a minor one, and it sounds so petty on my part when I write it out!

Also things like

Colleague: Popolly, you get around a bit don't you?
Me: Pardon??? (offended tone to voice at someone saying i 'get around a bit'
Colleague: Oh, I just meant it because I'm looking for a nice bar to go for a drink in, and you go to bars a lot.

Even though the intention in the above discussion was clearly to imply I am promiscous (I am not, in the slightest!). He just riles me so much!

OP posts:
GlynisIsFixed · 07/03/2011 16:56

well, i certainly wouldn't be putting up with any comments like that...

put it another way, if your daughter was telling you this, WWYD?

MmeLindt · 07/03/2011 17:00

Agree with Glynis.

He is careful to make comments that would make you appear petty if you complained.

My DH works for a US company. That ringtone would get you fired.

Original poster
Popolly · 07/03/2011 17:03

I know, the right thing to do would surely be to keep a log of each innapropriate comment/incident, and then compile then and bring it to my manager. But I don't want to be seen as a trouble maker at all. And mostly, I don't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing these sort of comments bother me. In the past, I have gone with ignoring them/pretending I didn't hear them etc.

Its public sector, so there is no way he would lose his job, he would just get a warning (especially since almost all the incidents could easily just be seen as small/petty by someone who was less sensitive than me), and then I still would have to work with him.

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 07/03/2011 17:07

It would drive me mad. I would be muttering ' it is possible that big dick man can answer the phone. Whether he will or not should be the question, surely'

Original poster
Popolly · 07/03/2011 17:10

Grin Pag - yes, the ring tone obviously also annoys my inner pedant, but I felt that a complaint on the grounds of the grammar within his ring tone would not be taken seriously!

OP posts:
GlynisIsFixed · 07/03/2011 17:13

He is a pathetic bully who knows he is sailing close to the wind. That's why he 'only' makes little subtle comments.

It gets to you, the more you think about it you know it does. You're not the trouble maker at all, you're not getting him into trouble, he's behaving inappropriately at work and it's your right to not have to put with it Confused myself but you get what i mean?

He is using 'humour' to disguise his nasty side, and any HR dept worth their salt would take you seriously.

AbsDuCroissant · 07/03/2011 17:14

I would start noting things down, as if it is a consistent pattern of behaviour it may be construed as bullying (not an expert on this, but best to gather the evidence first and discuss with HR, the bullying thing is something I remember from a training video at work). It might be that you're not the only one who's annoyed with him; he might be making similar comments to other women in the work environment and all of them are thinking "this is too petty" to bring it up.

Original poster
Popolly · 07/03/2011 17:17

Oh god yes Glynis, it gets to me so much. Almost every day there is something he will say that I come home and rant about. (Since I have posted this thread, he has now started a discussion on how all women on council estates are fat).

I genuinely can't stand him, and I find his whole attitute so unprofessional. (little things like saying "cheers big ears" to me, when I am quite sensitive about the prominence of my ears).
However, equally, he calls another female colleague 'Chubbs' or 'chubby' all the time (she is not chubby at all), and she doesn't seem bothered by this in the slighest, she just ribs him back, so I do so frequently wonder if I'm just over-sensitive, or if my huge dislike for him is clouding everything.

OP posts:
Original poster
Popolly · 07/03/2011 17:19

Yes Abs, I think it has taken this thread for me to see that although sometimes some of the things may be petty, when you add all of it together, it really is a generally innapropriate attitude to hold in the workplace.

I will note things down for a month and then see how I feel about it all then, I think.

Thanks all for the impartial advice.

OP posts:
BreastmilkDoesAFabLatte · 07/03/2011 20:41

Sorry to snigger. But no, that is completely and thoroughly unacceptable and offensive.

I wouldn't wait a month. I'd go to the line manager and HR now.

BarkisIsWilling · 09/03/2011 19:59

One tactic I learnt in assertiveness training was to ask the person to repeat what they'd just said, or to say, for example, "did you just say that xxx is a geezer bird?"