Is it unrealistic to have a city career and see your kids much?

[mickb]

Might seem like an obvious qu. but would be interested to see if anyone's come across an enlightened employer who has provided flexibility in hours to enable this to happen.

Or is this still pie-in-the sky stuff?

Most of the senior women role models in my place extol the virtues of round the clock nannies or SAHD's in order to get up the ladder. Not much evidence as far as I can see of any other way at least where I work.

I turned down the chance to work even 2 days per week in the city - I know I was very lucky to be offered it but I knew as my dcs got older the pressure would be on to return to full time work.Also I knew that the socialising after hours would mean that those 2 days would be very long ones and would eat into my 3 at home.I was very tempted though...

And agree magichomes - it is so difficult to explain to young women how they might feel once they have children. But I think we do them a disservice - it is as though suggesting they may want to combine motherhood and work is somehow a lesser aspiration than wanting to be a partner in a big City firm.

Oh yes, i hated the male Corporate 'networking' with a passion. In the end it was my informal networking with the Ladies Who Lunch get drunk and eat lovely food which was the route which got me my flexible consulting work. Funny that eh?

i think we manage it fine. It's tiring but I would say we are happy and the children are happy.

I am more concerned about people earning minimum wage who have to work all hours to make ends meet and don't see their kids.

I mean I think in these sorts of situations it's better to see it from a glass half full perspective.

I've never had a problem getting childcare for the children - I mean emotionally. I've always been very careful about who we've hired. I think we're lucky that we have the sort of jobs where we can afford a nanny tbh.

I know :-(.

I don't mean to belittle other people's problems because I do know what it is like.

I do think a lot of it is an emotional thing. I went back to work (first time) when dd was 4 months because I had to. I needed the money and I think because I had no option at the time (had only been in the country a year), you just get on with it.

I had a much longer break with ds (dc2) and was very nervous about returning but once I was back into it, it was easier than I thought but I do think I am lucky that my children are older. I do think it makes a difference and they also understand fully what it means to work rather than toddlers who obviously can't get that.

I absolutely LOATHE presenteeism. The best thing about staying in your job and becoming more senior, is once you get nearer the top, you can start calling the shots and making sure your team doesn't do presenteeism and not making a fuss about emergency days off for poorly children. It really can make a HUGE difference to a company when more senior women take up those positions!

I agree completely fox. Unfortunately some of the biggest offenders on the presenteeism front IME have been women - 'I have to be in the office so why shouldn't you be'. The fact that you can't afford the 24/7 nanny that they have doesn't seem to cut much ice. I've found men to be much more sympathetic to the fact that I have to work paid hours (note, not actually leave early nor stop working, but just be in the office for the hours I'm paid)

lol yes I can believe that.

It makes a huge difference I think too. I wish more women would go for it. I know there might be some pain in the interim but once you are at that 'decision making' level, it is not only fantastic for you but fantastic for others too.

You can then start to take the pain out of the interim bit for others following a similar path and hopefully then more women follow.

Little by little we'll nibble those edges away and hopefully make it better for the next generation!

I know that is very idealistic but I do think we can all start to make a small difference in a company/partnership, if we stick it out!

But absolutely no criticism intended of those who choose not to. I can completely see why you wouldn't want to!

No, i bailed . And i know that doesn't help the next generation. We used to take over 50% of female graduates. So crap really

I hope it's a matter of time... one of the biggest transactions I closed this year was put back by a week because the FD went AWOL, it being half term. I felt pretty silly having booked holiday club for mine so I could sit at my desk and do lots of drafting ... If lots of people say "no, I'm going home now to see my children", then perhaps we'll be able to manage the work/life balance better.

sorry my response was to magic

yes, I can believe that Lady. The convenience of a nanny is so good it does tend to make people forget how other childcare works.

And I do think there are some senior women who tend to think 'you have to work as hard as I did to get here' and by doing that, push women harder.

I'm hoping though, as time goes on, types like us will be a lot more common in the workplace! I have noticed changes over the last couple of years, especially with regards to men and childcare and emergencies.

yes but crispy, it's no shame to not carry on going. Perhaps you'll return later on and do something more rewarding that makes you far happier and fits in better?! You never know and it's not worth staying in something that doesn't work for you and your family.

I would say 10 years ago, barely a man in the office i worked in would say he had to go home to take a child to the doctor. Certainly not 15 years ago either.

Whereas now, I've noticed more men coming in and saying, my wife took him to the doctor last time so it's my turn to take time off and do it. That sort of thing.

Just little things like that...

In Belgium, I know plenty of people with nannys. They are all expats. My Belgian work colleagues tend to share the workload between them and their partner, or rope in family. Tis the way it is done.

It is also more common to work reduced hours. Men have the entitlement also. In my company at least, it is seen as a positive thing.

Lovely to read the "can do" and "lets change the world a bit at a time" posts.

Sorry if i confused, my was that i bailed on helping the next generation of women out (i have 2 DD's). However, i now do the same interesting work, PT to suit me for higher pay. Maybe it is the men stuck in the 'city offices' that are actually missing out

We have to get away from the culture of working "all hours" to earn " loads of money" I think. It's mostly not necessary. Jobs and wealth could be diluted.

For as long as there are very competitive men and women wanting to earn lots of money, there will be a culture in industries where there is much money to be made of working all hours. That will never change!

I think everyone many people would like to make £££££££/hour in a few hours per week...

BeenBeta, my DH has a City career but he does not have a SAHM wife. What he does have is a wife who has a flexible enough (fulltime) career that enables her to leave work at 5.30pm. But my DH only sees his DD for a rushed hour in the morning and then weekends.

Yes that is the sort of arrangement what me and DW worked out between us. If I had an academc career that meant I always left work on time and could take the odd day working at home and more flexible in holidays periods.

We always planned to use back up nursery and maybe even nanny care as well but not the 24/7 double nannny cover approach. It was very important to us that one of us as a parent was always there for the children.

I agree with others. There was a piece of the message that got missed off when women were told they could 'have it all'. That bit that was missing was 'providing you dont have to do it all again when you get home'.

It can be done, but it needs expert planning, completely 100% reliable child care, a supportive employer and DH/DP and a back up plan.

I did it with 2DC until eldest started school, 4 days a week, in a very demanding job. But I negotiated fixed office hours (lots of at home/on the train evening/early morning work and taking calls and dealing with emails on my "day off" to keep up though!) and my boss was absolutely fantastic.

If you don't have all that, unless you have a stay at home partner, a full time or live in nanny(ies) who will hang around until whenever, then I don't know how you make it work, let alone actually see your kids.

I used to see them effectively, from 6 til 7pm and first thing for a very short time. It was not fun.