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Original poster

WAHM with a baby - how do you do it?

31 replies

HollyFP · 06/12/2010 12:36

(Just posted this in chat but should have been here really!)

I am self employed and on 'maternity leave' but only get SMP from the government. DD is 4.5 months. I am considering starting working again soonish, and can work from home via laptop.

I've just tried doing a bit of work today and it's virtually impossible when I have to look after DD at the same time! She's at the age now where she gets bored quickly so I have to stimulate her or else she complains, lots. So I can't just plonk her in her swing and get on with a day's work.

DD only naps for 30 minutes 3 times a days, so that isn't really much use either!
DH is also self employed but works in an office as he has 3 staff in there with him.

How do others do it? (I don't want to go down the childcare route.)

OP posts:

belgo · 06/12/2010 12:45

I haven't worked from home but I have done intensive studying and voluntary work from home.

I would say at 4 and a half months it will not get any easier I'm afraid! I can get practically nothing done with a mobile baby/toddler - only when they are asleep or being looked after by someone else.

Would you not consider child care for a few hours a week, especially when your baby gets older? Many children love creches, if you can find a good one.

ArentFanny · 06/12/2010 12:48

We went down the childcare route as was the only practical way.

Bramshott · 06/12/2010 12:52

I worked from home for 2 hours a day when DD2 was between 4 and 5 months by investing a lot of time in teaching her to have long naps in the mornings. It took about 4 weeks in the run-up of resettling her etc, but gradually I came to rely on the fact that she would sleep from 10 until 12 and I could work then.

She started with a childminder when she was 5 months, as I didn't think working at home with DD2 there was going to work out as a long term solution, but I suppose you could go with it for a while if you only need a couple of hours a day.

Original poster

HollyFP · 06/12/2010 12:53

Hmmm maybe I will have to consider child care then if it's so difficult! It's not that I don't like the idea, I just wanted to look after DD myself, partly to save on said childcare costs...

OP posts:

PinkElephantsOnParade · 06/12/2010 13:03

You just can't work at home effectively with young DCs to look after at the same time.

They seem to sense that you have stuff to do and get even more demanding than usual.

I would advise you to get childcare outside of the home (CM or nursery, or nanny share in another home) as DCs will want to see you constantly if you are in the house even if someone is there to look after them.

No getting round it , unfortunately, bar putting gin in the milk!

Lancelottie · 06/12/2010 13:07

I got a childminder to wear DS1 out or me in the morning (4 hours), then I'd pick him up for lunch and put him down for a two-hour nap in the afternoon (so 6 hours' work time for the price of 4).

Didn't work once we had more than one child, though!

Lancelottie · 06/12/2010 13:07

Umm, that should have been 'wear him out FOR me'.

I didn't need her to wear me out.

Original poster

HollyFP · 06/12/2010 13:13

Lancelottie

Nursery a few mornings a week might be ok, I need to accept it in my mind first :(

OP posts:

stnikkilarse1978 · 06/12/2010 13:17

It is pretty much impossible, you need childcare. I did bookkeeping at home a few years ago when I had a 9 month old until she was 2 and then again with a newborn.

Are you doing full days? If you can't work when the baby is napping then it can't be done really. A few mornings in nursery will be fun for her. It will take a couple of weeks to get settled in but she will love it and you will not be so stressed. I know it is hard with your first child to put them in nursery but honestly it is not a bad thing and they have lots of fun and different experiences plus lots of children to play with :)

stnikkilarse1978 · 06/12/2010 13:18

Sorry I forgot to say it was a nightmare for me and DD ended up watching so much tv - I would have felt better her being at nursery than the guilt I felt at not being able to do things with ehr for hours on end.

Original poster

HollyFP · 06/12/2010 13:35

Forgot to mention feeds! DD is EBF and won't take a bottle. I don't want to wean her until at least 6 months, and then still want to continue BF.
This kind of screws up the morning nursery idea...

OP posts:

Tee2072 · 06/12/2010 13:43

I tried just a few hours a week before I sent my son to daycare. He now goes 12 hours a week (full days Monday, half day Wednesday) and it is really the only time I get any work done, except when my husband is home.

I have had to work with him here, but it's really not fair on him. He has spent a good portion of a day in his playpen recently so I could make a deadline, and it was horrid for both of us.

He's 18 months next week and wants to be running around. And he should be!

It's not really fair on the child or your employer/clients for your attention to be split like that.

I think I would start trying to get her to take a bottle so you can express and then find her a part time place at a nursery or child minder.

Bramshott · 06/12/2010 13:45

How many hours a day do you need?

It is do-able if you only need a couple of hours, can teach your baby to nap well, and it's only for a reasonably short period.

Bramshott · 06/12/2010 13:53

Oh, and I wouldn't stress too much about the bottle. DD2 wouldn't ever take one, so once she had started weaning, I'd take her to the childminders at 9.30. Feed her there, then leave her with a small lunch including a fromage frais, and collect her at about 2.30 and feed her again then. She was fine.

This may seem unsurmountable now, but you just need a plan!

Say, get her booked into a nursery or with a childminder X mornings a week from 9 months. Then spend some time working on longer naps - when she stirs after 30 mins, try resettle her, with a view to getting her to nap for longer mid-morning from 5.5 or 6 months (which TBH she may start doing naturally by that age anyway). Then starting in Jan, you should be able to have a couple of hours each day to work, making it up in the evening if the nap doesn't go to plan, but you'll know that it's only for a short time before your childcare starts.

Or if you really don't like the idea of childcare, stick with the working with her at home, but (a) she'll need to take longer naps, (b) you'll have to not mind working in the evenings, and (c) you'll never manage a full day this way - 3 hours max I'd say.

MsBinbag · 06/12/2010 13:57

I have worked from home while all my 3 dc were babies. I work in the evening and at weekends while dh does the childcare. I haven't paid for any childcare.
I never found a way to do much work while I was in charge of them, but working in the evenings is something I got used to.

PermaShattered · 07/12/2010 04:34

I have a reputation among my friends/family/clients for being able to do it all (I'm a successful freelance writer and have 3 children with another on the way) but I couldn't work at the same time as 'looking after' a 4m old. I remember when my youngest had her 30 min nap I'd manage a telephone interview but my stress levels would go out the window trying to do work stuff AND have a baby around too. The stress will rub on the baby too and you'll both be unhappy.

But I worked evenings (not so easy now that I have older children who need me til 8-9pm); and for years I've often worked Sat when my husband's around - Sunday is sacrosanct day off.

The beauty of being freelance is you CAN be flexible. But there are limits to when you can work - and doing it with a 4m old around you is not, in my experience, feasible. Hope that helps?!

PermaShattered · 07/12/2010 04:35

BTW if she naps for 3x half hours a day - if you're organised you can do 1.5 hrs a work then. It's amazing what you can do in that amount of time....

The Key is being organised...........

TracyK · 07/12/2010 10:18

I put ds into nursery 2 mornings a week from 16 weeks old. He seemed to take an expressed bottle of milk fine from the girls at nusery - you should try it - they sometimes take it easier from a stranger iykwim. They just need to catch her at the right time, hungry enough not to be fussy but not so hungry that she has a meltdown.

9-12 sessions - then ds would fall asleep for 2 hours in the car on the way home from nursery - so I'd get loads done.

Under a year old - my ds wouldn't watch TV/DVD's.

Saffra · 07/12/2010 12:07

I'm TTC at the moment and run a business from home, so will be keeping a keen eye on what the WAHMs say here.

I have a feeling that I'll need childcare from the earliest age possible (not even sure when that is!).

I'm also stressed thinking about it - never mind actually doing it!

motherinferior · 07/12/2010 12:14

I worked set days: three when my first baby was very small, four thereafter. Children at the childminder, me at work. Same as with any other job.

I felt quite strongly I didn't want to cram my job into weekends and/or evenings.

Orissiah · 07/12/2010 16:44

You will need childcare, I'm afraid. Your DC will get more demanding and more noisy as she gets older. I work successfully from home and work flexible hours, but the core of my work gets done between 9am and 5pm when DD (now a toddler) is with a childminder five days a week.

Orissiah · 07/12/2010 16:46

Also, one day (perhaps as early as 12 months!) your DC will stop napping and you will lose that time.

Orissiah · 07/12/2010 16:48

Saffra, my DD went into daycare at 10 months and thrived; there is a 4.5 month old at her daycare now too and that tiny baby is also thriving (if not her mother) so "earliest age possible" can be quite early indeed. In fact, I think sometimes that if you have to put your DC in childcare then the earlier the better. Older children at my DD's daycare who have joined at 2 or older have been more unsettled (at first).

motherinferior · 07/12/2010 17:11

The thing is, freelancing only affords you some - not total - flexibility. You can't insist that an interviewee is available in the evening, or tell them to go away because your baby has woken up. You can do quite a bit in one and a half hours, but not as much as you can in a proper working day. If you need to earn an actual living, you need childcare.

Saffra · 07/12/2010 21:36

Thanks Orissiah. That's great to know. Obv quite good to be planning ahead as I won't really be able to take much time off at all.

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