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Original poster

Work have asked me to go on a week residential course

38 replies

PavlovtheCat · 26/11/2010 19:47

I have been asked to go on a weeks residential (assessed) course in order to become a facilitator for a particular accredited programme with my work (CBT related). It is related to my previous work experiences before it all changed while I was on maternity leave so this would be bringing me up to date. Without this, I cannot run the new type of programme/group.

I am still breastfeeding my son. He will be 14 months by the time i do the group in two months. I have not been away from him ever, and while we are reducing the feeding anyway, we are not stopping necessarily, i want to be guided by him, not my work.

I have not (as yet) been directed to attend this course, i do have the option to say no, however, as i work in the public sector, it has been announced that this is the last training opportunity to do this course, they will be running no more. Most of my contemporaries at work are running this course and those who are not, it is anticipated they will be on this course. So, while not directed, there are possible implications to my career advancement/how i might be perceived in my role. I am probably able to carve out another 'niche' but not guaranteed, and with redundancies looming over my head, i feel i have no choice but to do this.

I guess I am posting for a bit of 'oh dear' rather than to be told i must do it. I sort of know i have no choice really but it is going to mean the end of breastfeeding as DH will have to look after both children for the whole week Sad.

And, more than that, I am feeling tearful already at the thought of being away from him for so long Sad.

OP posts:
Original poster
PavlovtheCat · 26/11/2010 19:53
OP posts:
ItalianLady · 26/11/2010 19:55

Could you employ a temporary nanny to go with you and she can bring the baby to you to feed in your breaks?

Original poster
PavlovtheCat · 26/11/2010 19:56

italianlady oh that would be nice! Afraid no can do.

OP posts:
activate · 26/11/2010 19:56

solution dp takes same week off and comes with you with child/ren

continue to bf

do your work stuff

sod the lot of them

Original poster
PavlovtheCat · 26/11/2010 19:58

activate I asked whether DH could come up, but the answer was, yes, but we would have to pay for the food for the kids, and additional costs of him staying in the room etc and even then they would probably not agree, as there will be 'homework' and I will need to 'focus' on work not being with the family Hmm.

Also, more importantly, DD is at school, so can't just take her out for the week for this.

OP posts:
notcitrus · 26/11/2010 19:59

Oh dear. Is it somewhere where DH and baby could visit you for lunch or after class finishes on one or two days?

Original poster
PavlovtheCat · 26/11/2010 20:02

notcitrus it is 3 hours hours drive each way. So possible i guess, but well, will be extremely stressful for him/the kids, well baby would be fine by 4 year old would find it hard going, with school too.

I will think of ways around it.

Over and above the whole 'need to' do it, i do actually want to do the course, just not the residential bit. When the manager came and mentioned it to me (personally as she knew there would be complications) i was like 'oh great!' then she had this look and i said 'oh dear, it is residential isn't it?' and she said 'yes, afraid so, it is in xxxx'

OP posts:
flowerybeanbag · 26/11/2010 20:04

Does it really mean the end of breastfeeding? Can you express extra for a bit to build it up, then DS have ebf in bottles while you express while you are away?

peppapighastakenovermylife · 26/11/2010 20:06

Is there an option of doing the course privately yourself at some point (although I'm guessing that might also be no too for the cost)

rubyslippers · 26/11/2010 20:07

I know you have had some sleep issues

Could this help crack them?

I don't know if you can express and that would be ok for a 14 month old. I have left DD who was 11 months at the time for 2 nights and that was ok ...

I would call one of the breatsfeeding helplines for advice

It must feel really hard for you

activate · 26/11/2010 20:08

how old is DD? if primary she can come, if secondary stay with a mate

find a travelodge nearby he doesn't need to be in same hotel

it is workable I'm sure

shandybass · 26/11/2010 20:10

Oh I feel for you at the thought. What a pain.

You should be able to carry on bfding though. By 14 months your milk supply is well established and so you can skip a few days without it being affected. You may find as its a week you may want to express a bit to ease any discomfort and maintain your supply. You can do this by hand and I found having a bath helped.

Its the same for your baby, you can just continue after you come back as you were.

However there is a proviso, some babies are ready to stop at this age and your baby may naturally take this break as their stop time, in which case there isn't much you can do.

Hope that helps.

nevergoogle · 26/11/2010 20:10

hmm, i am pondering pav, am going to come up with a genius masterplan. any minute now.

onimolap · 26/11/2010 20:16

Is it really the end of BF?

I went away for a week when DD was 12mths. I took the pump, and expressed/discarded 3x a day (sterile conditions and keeping the milk being an admin challenge too far). DD had EBM and formula whilst I was away.

We continued BF without difficulty o/r, and did so for over 6mths after the trip (until she self-weaned).

Would you be able to take a pump?

catinthehat2 · 26/11/2010 20:18

a week's course is 5 not 7 days.
maybe you'll be down to one or 2 feeds at 14 months anyway, so

(very) early feed on MOn, (very) late feed on Fri

that's only 3 full days out of the picture. With some judicious expressing won't you be able to crack it and get back without LO noticing?

KirstyJC · 26/11/2010 20:20

It might not mean the end of breastfeeding - I went away for a 4 night hen weekend when my DS2 was 14 months old and we were both fine.

He was feeding once or occasionally twice a day, so I had visions of getting huge boobs by the end of the weekend(and was at Center Parcs so bit worried about that!) but it never happened. I didn't even need to express. When I came home, that evening he just snuggled up to me and asked for a feed again and we carried on as before, up until he weaned himself at 21 months.

As he was at nursery by then, he was just drinking cows' milk during the day so just had that as normal when I was gone. Is your DS having any other milk? If it's not possible to meet up with him, even for one day, during your week, maybe you could ask DH to offer him cows' milk in a cup at the times he might want milk? If you would be able to express a bit, say one feed a day, and freeze that so he still keeps a taste for it that might help.

I do hope it works out OK - and enjoy the course! Smile

Maternelle · 26/11/2010 20:24

I had to go to NY for a week for work when I was still BF-ing DS at 18 months and I was very worried/upset.
I was told by other mums that it would be fine, and it was. I carried on feeding until DS was 26 months! It did not change anything.
I did hand express a little bit in the shower every morning, but am not sure if it made a difference.

shandybass · 26/11/2010 21:40

I'm glad other posters have said the same. I can't remember how long I was away for, but I remember being surprised at not feeling fuller breasts and needing to express during a break away from dd whilst bf. I think its to do with not being near your baby and being established by that age. Anyway I had good advice at the time that it should be fine.

Hope it works for you.

muddleduck · 26/11/2010 22:53

I went to the us for 6 days when ds2 was 12 months. He had mix of ebm and ff. I expressed a small amount when feeling full. Really was no big deal for us.
Good luck.

Original poster
PavlovtheCat · 27/11/2010 07:15

thanks everyone. I know i should i feel better i but i don't Blush !! I currently have him snuggled next to me having his morning feed and feel very Sad that i will be missing this! i am wondering if this is the reason i am Sad.

I am reassured though that maybe we can continue to feed when i get back if he wants to. He is a much more snuggly baby than DD was at this age. I went on a residential when DD was just a little older than this, but it was closer so DH brought her up half way through, it was only 4 days away and she was not breastfeeding but taking a bottle from DH happily, and sleeping through the night.

DS won't take a bottle, of either ebm or formula. We just tried it again last night as he did not sleep well, and he was not a happy bunny at all (i was not in the room, just DH). rubyslippers i expect it would sort out the sleep issues! although he is sleeping much better since we brought him back in with us, just he is teething/has a cold right now! He gets his milk from his food - as he won't take a bottle, we stuff him full of food before bed! (as well as in the day).

He currently feeds 5-6am (normally, today is an exception on account of a bad night), 3pm ish (but misses this some days without being upset, if he asks, he gets, if not i don't offer) 6:30pm or so before bed, then around 11pm ish. Sometimes he misses the 11pm one, we no longer wake him for it, and after midnight i offer no more milk until the morning one. So hopefully by end of Jan he will just be on breakfast/bedtime.

BUT, he loves the comfort of it, and so do I. Whether or not he will take it when i come back, i will be away for 5 whole days! I have not slept much worrying about it. Sad eh.

OP posts:
Original poster
PavlovtheCat · 27/11/2010 07:19

flowerybeanbag can they hold this against me in terms of redundancies (in that i will be less skilled) if i chose not to on on the grounds of breastfeeding my child? As under 'normal' or past circumstances, it would be appropriate and acceptable to postpone for a few months/or wait til a closer group, which is now not possible due to budget cuts?

This is not my 'main' role btw, it is one of a variety of roles, and there are lots of other groups i am able to run without being accredited, and I can take pressure off staff by doing other work to free them up to run this group (this is cash driven hence the need for so many people to run it), so it is not like I can't do my job without it, or do my job less well.

OP posts:
BelleDameSansMerci · 27/11/2010 07:38

Pavlov I don't they can use it as "evidence" of lack of commitment or anything like that but it is possible that it could influence their thinking. I'm really, really not trying to make this seem even worse for you as I dread this happening to me and my DD is now 3. (Got my first night away from her in a couple of weeks and not looking forward to it).

This may not be practical but, depending on where the course is, is there any chance that you could rent a small cottage nearby and have your family stay there? If it's out of season or early season you could get a good deal? Also, you can rent sort of apartments for a week more cheaply than staying in a hotel in some cities which might make things easier for you? I know this is not an option if funds aren't available (and I really do understand that).

When do you need to make the decision?

Bonsoir · 27/11/2010 07:55

I left my DD for 11 days when she was 16 months and still breastfeeding. It will be fine, don't worry.

Original poster
PavlovtheCat · 27/11/2010 08:00

applications need to be in by friday next week.

we can't rent out accommodation, as it will cost too much money, and also there is some expectation of being there in the evening, training is held in the hotel we are staying at - there are two reasons for residential courses. 1) location and distance of travelling and 2) expectations of networking/evening work and interaction with the other participants. While it is not essential to be part of the evening, the work is assessed on an ongoing basis, based on team skills, planning and preparation for group work, and communication/delivery style, colleague relationships. If the other 15 or so members of the training eat breakfast/dinner, use this time to discuss their presentations/group exercises, generally get to know each other's working styles etc, and I don't, i will be significantly disadvantaged and it might affect whether i pass or not. I have been on these courses before, and one colleague had to travel home due to childcare issues and she really really struggled, but passed as she was a very experienced facilitator already. I am experienced, so, maybe that would not disadvantage me as much as some.

OP posts:
BelleDameSansMerci · 27/11/2010 08:08

Pavlov - yep, understood. I used to do a lot of courses like this too and it would be impossible, really, to have your family there. It would be hard to focus on the course.

I didn't breastfeed but wondered if you could freeze it? I apologise if this is the stupidest thing you've ever heard but I found this on the Breastfeeding Network site. Of course, it will still mean having to use a bottle but it might be useful? Sorry if there is a whole raft of reasons (well known probably) why this is not a good idea.