Sexism in YOUR life?

[AmberTheHappyLuddite]

Just an idea.

I was asked this week at work, why I didn't have "an easier job for a lass - like in a hairdressers?"

I work in the construction industry and come across this kind of gibberish regularly. How many of you have experienced sexism in your real life? I'm not talking about stuff you've seen in the media, but instances in your real life. I'm wondering how prelevent this sort of thing still is.

I used to work for an organisation with three tiers. The bottom tier was 85% women, the middle tier was 50 % women, the top tier was 10 % women.

The four last people to be promoted from bottom tier to middle tier were men. The three last people to be promoted from the middle tier were two men and one childless unmarried woman. One of the few women in the top tier "chose" to be demoted to the middle tier upon returning from mat. leave. It wasn't as if the hours or travel increased massively as you were promoted, a bit, but not a lot, and not enough to start inpinging on family life.

The really sad thing was that no-one even saw this as a issue/problem!

I think people's attitude to me since me and ex-h split up has been pretty bad. For all his faults he is an incredibly hands on father. Neither one of us is DS's main carer. We share him. People seem to be shocked that I am 'happy' to not have DS with me full time and expect that I would be the main carer and ex would get him every other weekend.

People have said: ' but...you're his mother!' and I say '...and ex is his father'. In all honesty, we both equally want him with us full time, but now we are separated that is not an option, so we have worked out the best thing we can.

I dread to think how people would treat me if I had allowed ex to be the primary carer. I mean - I must be a terrible mother to not have my child with me all the time.

Yet, it is somehow acceptable for fathers to be weekend parents. Not fair.

Very thought provoking topic.

Sexism I have experienced on a personal level..

I've got large breasts and they have basically been the focus of a lot of idiotic, plain rude and insulting comments from just about the moment they developed - about 14 or so.

Endless commentary along the lines of not many of them to pound, look at those big tits, one particularly revolting man actually stared at me in the street and said 'Euuurggghhha biiig tits' That probably sounds a bit 'comedy' written down but it bloody wasn't funny at the time. I was mortified.

Not to mention sexual harrassment at work, comments about how I should come to work in a mini skirt, I should be the stripper at someone's stag night, they were like a pair of missiles.

I remember my ex boyfriend saying 'wow you could be a page 3 model with those' ..my response was 'you say that like it's meant to be a compliment'. Oh and apparently I should be pleased if men stare at my tits as it's a compliment .

What I find really hateful is the assumption that women's bodies are basically public property and thereforeto be commented on as if they were a slab of meat on the butchers table. Really, really pisses me off.

Bumperlicous in response to "My MIL writes cards to Mrs DH's name Surname and tells me that I am not feeding DH properly"

My MUM writes to me as MRS DH'sFIRSTNAME DH'sLASTNAME. my MUM. When I told her I wasn't taking DH's name she told me that I was insulting his family and pretty much insinuated that if I wasn't going to "properly" marry him then I shouldn't have accepted.

What's horrendous about this is that I have a good relationship with my mum in general, very loving and supportive, she's just a plain old-fashioned snob about some things, and thinks the old way of doing them are the best. This is horrendous because she keeps doing them (eg addressing the letters like that) EVEN THOUGH she knows I don't want her to, I've not changed my name, and I'm not going to.

Luckily for me I married a good'un. DH will wander towards me with a pile of letters in hand, and say "oh look, your mother's writing to my almighty-phallus-that-erases-your-idenity-again."

Sorry, that was quite a self absorbed rant, but quite cathartic.

Double glazing salesman today: "Do you want a brochure? Is your husband technically-minded? He could explain it to you."

Me: " I think I'll manage to understand it, thanks."

Him: " Ooh, do you work then?"

I've been told at work that I shouldn't work full time (my job was only 30-35 hours) whilst I had a child under 5.

And this was in the supposedly female-friendly voluntary sector!

IM - you're quite right. when i joined, i had to sign two contracts agreeing to leave if i got either pg or married.

last year when i eventually left, the office walls were still adorned with soft porn, and 'soldier' magazine featured glamour models taking part in exercises for charity, as well as a huge article starring a porn star an actress dressed in a too small uniform advertising a new computer game.

but apparently, if you can't take a joke, you shouldn't have joined.

the intervening years were much of the same, interspersed with kitchen sink jokes.

mind you, sometimes we do ourselves no favours at all (fondly remembers the female hercules pilot who wrote a 'day in the life' article for the national media which basically suggested she was Far Too Important to live in the female accommodation, because women were all just pencil pushers/ bean counters and she was Very Superior.'

(oh, and my boss always bangs on about how she would love to give me a makeover...)

i wonder if the public sector is better with regards to women in senior positions?

in my (public sector non-governmental) organisation we have a male head of organisation but on the senior management team there are four women and two men, then the heads of department are pretty much 50/50.

being the public sector, we have good maternity leave, legislation in favour of allowing flexible working and we have very rigid pay grades so we know we're all paid the same regardless of gender. And importantly, we do have men who work compressed hours or shorter hours.

God these are awful. Janos, it didn't even occur to me to log my own 'big breasts-related' comments and jokes. I hate them, but have started to see it as normal

Things like a colleague describing me over the phone: 'Well, put it this way, if she got a cold on her chest you'd need a big tub of Vicks'. Again, sounds comedy, but was horrific as I was naive enough to think he wasn't 'that' sort of person. And being groped in the street and rude comments by passers-by, much like the one you describe. Embarrassing, and there's not a thing I can do about it except have an operation to make them smaller and guess what, I don't fancy that idea.

When I was an engineer: "I always think lady engineer is a contradiction in terms" says visitor to the maintenance room. "Would you please leave?" says my supervisor.

Man wanders in to maintenance roomn "my X is broken", I go forward to look at it. "But you're a girl" says the man. "Oh," says my supervisor "now you can tell the difference you might be able to get a date".

Job interview: yes the whole company had too many middle aged men according to a consultancy company and they had been advised to add to the diversity of their workforce. Although of course, being a disabled mum, you wouldn't really be able to cope would you? This was for a one day a month directorship.
I wonder why the company was so full of white middle class males?

Mortgage advisor to DH "you need to look at blah blah"
DH: "I always leave that sort of thing to my wife"
Advisor: "What? I mean, oh I see."

Colleague: "I suppose you get part time because you are a mother".
Me: "no I get part time as I have a crippling medical condition that means I only have a certain number of hours I can remain mobile"

I have now also mastered the "withering stare". Taken 20 years though.

Well, I haven't had too much high level sexism, just the usual low level stuff.

So, for example...

• I was expected to wait for DH to propose, not discuss marriage with him
• I, not DH, was expected to organise our wedding (and get really excited about it all)
• I get called Mrs DHsurname
• At a job interview, the employer proudly gave me statistics of how many women with children they employed. I asked how many men with children they employed, oddly they didn't have the figures
• I am expected to do much more "grooming" than men - and am expected not to fart...

and perhaps most importantly:

• My DH will only get 2 weeks paternity leave, I will get up to a year, meaning that I will inevitably end up cast in the "main parent" role.

Oh, if we can include groping etc then I have been groped on the breasts in a temple, and had a man sitting next to me on the bus masturbating while staring at me. These happened to both be in India.

Sounds horrific when it's written down like that but I suppose we just learn to "get over it", all the while becoming a bit more scared of just ordinary day to day activities.

Hey Elephants... the wanking on the bus happened to me in india too. only the guy was actually pressed up against me due to bus being very crowded. and yes I was dressed modestly.

not sure I see that as sexist though... it was more racist (I doubt he'd have dreamed of doing it to an Indian woman).

two instances that have shocked me recently.

BIL was talking about setting up his own firm ( pipe dream ) and said @oh you could be like the person who answers the phone.

aunty who knows i hate my job told me that there were loads of admin jobs

fella lnocked on door selling electricity, asked for dh as he was the boss of the house

Forgot one, when I was younger my dad used to tell me to go for a receptionist job, or a secretary. Rather than web design, never mind my skills lie in web design rather than reception.

I worked in the media (large, well known organisation) for a decade and encountered sexism every single day I was there. I was generally regarded by male members of staff as 'difficult' because I was a) a woman, b) a manager and c) wasn't a complete push over. Sexism is alive and well in the broadcasting industry, my friends.

These days friends and acquaintances often ask DH how his job is going, while I get 'how are the kids?'. Urm, I have a job, too, actually. And I'm doing a masters degree. Thanks.

My fil is an outright sexist - he has 4 sons and 2 daughters. Makes lots of jokes about 'women'. You can imagine. I am from a single parent family where my mum was most def capable of doing 'male' tasks - eg. building furniture etc etc and encouraged my sis and I to be as independant as her, which we are.

Dh and I live with fil now as a temporary thing and it's 3 boys (fil, dh and bil) plus infant ds and boy dog in house with me.

My jobs = cook, clean, childcare, washing, watch soaps (I don't like soaps, but constant reference is made to this).

Their jobs = gardening, lifting heavy things, taking out bins. And that's it.

If I don't do any of 'my jobs' they do not get done. My dh is well-trained (actually, let's be honest, he is a good guy who understands I need a level of equality in order for our relationship to survive)and does a lot of 'my jobs' with me. But he is ridiculed for it. Which I hate.

I was brought up in a house where we all pitched in - these guys were brought up in a house where the women cleaned and cooked and the men did...well...bugger all as far as I can make out.

One night I was building a set of shelves for dh and I's room on my own. FIL couldn't stand it. Insisted on taking over. It was hilarious. He really struggled with his sexist feelings! It was almost comical. But it did give me rage!

Oh and I worked behind a bar for 6 years. Plenty of sexism there.

I'd never realised just how much of all this kind of stuff there is or ow much it bothers me.

When we moved to Norfolk people expressed surprised that I went out to work. This was pre-children btw.

After I had DS2, my boss (female) assumed that I wouldn't be going back. I had to, although only part time, so I ended up babysitting another (male) teacher's class. When I left to go on maternity leave they were my class and I was expecting to come back to a job share. I am not hopeless at my job and I have proved myself to be more than competent countless times.

People seem to think that DH shouldn't lift a finger when he's at home. He does of course, he's not a twat. I've had people remarking to me about his shirts being creased. I don't iron. DH does his own. If he doesn't get up early enough to iron his shirt, that's down to him. I will have been up much earlier than him running round after the dses. He also has people commenting on how wonderful it is that he's a hands on dad, surely not wierd as they are his kids!!

The thing that bugs me the most is how people assume that because I have small children I am stupid. Nobody assumes that small children has rendered DH stupid.

Part of the problem is perpetuated by a particular type of mum who seems to see it as her role to be subservient to her DH and keep house for him Several of these at our local toddler group which is part of the reason why I don't go any more.

Oh, thought I should add am currently 11 weeks pg and feeling like shit, so have been unable to keep up with the level cooking and cleaning that is apparently needed for my extended family (that's a 17 year old, 24 year old and a 54 year old btw). So nobody has done it. You should see the state of this house. It's atrocious. Apparently I'll manage ' when I feel better again'.

My colleague saying publicly in front of my boss and his that he wasn't drunk enough yet to go near me.My boss referring to my senior colleague as "Andrew" and me as "Ms Husband's Name" in a letter in which he dismissed my complaint of sexual harassment, despite the original investigation upholding my complaint. My harasser was advised by boss that he hoped that Andrew could "move forward positively", no such hopes for me

Elephant and minipie I'm afraid it also happens to Indian women in India, and has nothing to do with dressing modestly. I think most British women will be shocked with the type of sexism that Indian women fight/put up with every day of their lives