Sexism in YOUR life?

[AmberTheHappyLuddite]

Just an idea.

I was asked this week at work, why I didn't have "an easier job for a lass - like in a hairdressers?"

I work in the construction industry and come across this kind of gibberish regularly. How many of you have experienced sexism in your real life? I'm not talking about stuff you've seen in the media, but instances in your real life. I'm wondering how prelevent this sort of thing still is.

IM...perhaps you should take your clothes off for a calendar....

that will ensure you get taken "seriously"

'cos its for char'i'dee, innit

My first job - manager explained "I don't understand discrimination against women - they look so pretty around the workplace" (totally serious) He was a nightmare in many ways but that was a highlight.

School - excellent reputation, all-girl school. Attitude of "of course you can do anything you want, sexism is over. WE're the first girls' school in Wisden! But you don't really want to get your hands dirty in CDT/program a computer/do double maths with all the Chinese, do you?" Only realised that in retrospect, though.

I've usually worked in male-dominated fields, and apart from double-takes when men have realised I'm there for (reason) and know what I'm talking about, never had a problem - in fact sometimes it's been an advantage as in a 99.9% male field, the average potential customer is a lot more likely to come talk to me! I've had more work problems with women who expect me to act 'girly' and ostracise me when I can't. Did have one male boss who said "JOb's yours if you want it. I should warn you though we talk about football one heck of a lot, though." Many friends were shocked and thought he was being sexist - but as became clear, they were lovely all-male colleagues, but really did talk about football loads even by bloke standards...

So most sexism I've encountered has been friends and family going on about how I 'shouldn't really' expect MrNC to do his own laundry - despite him doing it for 10 years before I moved in and he won't let me anyway, how 'it's very good of him to cook dinner' when he does it, and the low expectations women I've met in mummy circles have of their menfolk, which is just insulting to men I think. If I make ds aged 19 months pick up his mess, what would it say if I didn't expect MrNC to do the same??

And the medical profession etc now I'm a parent. MrNC has been asked why I haven't taken ds to the doctor... because he was doing it! Also MrNC works 4 days a week, originally to do building work on his off day. His company are fine with this - lots of staff do flexistuff. But he looked for a new job and a headhunting firm bet they could get him a good job in the City. Few weeks later they apologised and said "Can't believe how stupid all these companies are - lots of them drooled over your CV, you're fantastic, then I said you had to do 4 days a week and I couldn't even get one of them to interview you! THey're idiots!" Men working hours to fit round kids is catching on in the civil service but doesn't seem to have got to the City yet.

Oh so many of the above.

I draw the line at workmen coming into my house and patronising the fuck out of me. No way am I going to hand over money for being patronised. I actually once told one he hadn't got the job because his patronising attitude had irritated me and I wasn't prepared to pay for it. That surprised him.

Oh and I once had a hairdresser (male) arguing me over what my natural hair colour was. (Like I'm too forgetful to remember.) And another time, a driving instructor telling me that when I bought a car, I shouldn't just look at the colour, I should consider the engine size, the miles to the gallon, the insurance costs etc.

FFS.

DD's nursery has tucked us up and we now can't put her in for extra days. So we have two Mondays a month until October where we have no childcare. The next two DH is taking leave because I absolutely can't. MIL has got her bee in a bonnet about him taking the time off (she's the one letting us down!!) and it should be down to me to take the time off because it's my responsibility (I will take some but can't at the mo). His responsibility is to go to work. Lecture number 3585662556...

I worked in a camera shop and heard (almost daily) "could I speak to someone about cameras please, erm.. that man over there"

At first it bothered me, then I started making them wait till a man was free, they soon started talking to me.

I also discovered I was paid less for doing a supervisory, full time, key holding, lab trained job than a part time male sales assistant.

Same job jessops an area manager called our store and said that the girls weren't to answer the phone as they didn't know what they were talking about.

Have also had technical support people ask me to pass the phone to dad/brother despite me being the geek of the house.

A lot of times basically.

HerBEatitude - don't worry, I don't give the jobs to patronising chauvinistic tossers either! I'm sure they were equally surprised when we went with other people instead.

DH and i used to work for the same large international company, totally different departments etc etc (and we hadnt met at work, we were recruited to the same company seperately). anyway, about a year after we were both working there, they wanted to transfer DH and so i got called in to the directors office to discuss my options. or so i thought. director tells me that they dont have anything for me at transfer place, but its not a biggie, i can 'just have a baby to give myself something to do'.

he also wore sneakers with his suits.

unforgivable.

What do you do when you suddenly realise you live with a chauvinistic tosser?

Added to my post above, DH is at home with DD today and hasn't stopped moaning about it since 6.30am. Apparently work should let me have the time off because I'm a woman and the fact that I'm saying there's no way this week is down to 'women's lib' Arsehole. Poor DD is going to be stuck in front of cbeebies all day while he ignores her and I'd give anything to be at home with her. This whole thing sucks.

Sorry, personal rant going on here.

Rockbird, that's shit. Post your problem in AIBU, what for all the he's a tosser responses to flow in and then show him what a total fuckwit everyone thinks he is.

Tell him if he puts her in front of the TV all day he is a Bad Father.

See if he cares.

I answered the phone at work the other day and was called "Princess". I think this is sexist because IMO it implies belittlement; what do others think?

I think being called princess is sexist because it implies that it is a compliment (i.e that your dream is to wear a frothy dress and gambol in a garden with butterfilies in your hair)

I think the thing that I get is more - you're a mum so you care about this more, or you have super mum powers so you can survive on less sleep. Its not nasty and tbh I collude with it loads but do worry about the example it will set to my daughter

I am at some of these stories!

Being asked by my director to type his emails while he dictates them - I'm a manager with an MA and my own team to run FFS.

In my team the women take turns to do the minutes at team meetings. None of the 3 men have ever taken minutes.

When I got married, everyone assumed I was going to go on a spectacular crash diet. No thanks, I love my body as it is and I want to look like me on my wedding day. Also everyone assumed that DH didn't have a clue about any of the wedding plans - he was just going to turn up on the day. Actually it was his wedding too, and he cared about the vows, the music, the food etc.

Countless examples of sexual harassment in the street (particularly when running or jogging). Once when I was shopping on Tottenham Court Road a man followed me up the street muttering in my ear "Oh girly, I'm gonna fuck you so good, I'm gonna fuck you every which way" etc etc. Which was nice

When I was younger, my brother being allowed to bring girls home to stay over. If my dad had found a boy in my bedroom, he'd have torn him limb from limb.

Not as serious but still annoying: Being handed Heat magazine at the hairdresser - just because I'm having my hair cut doesn't mean I suddenly give a shit about some z list celebrity's weight.

Pregnant with #1 and a bit horrified that you say the sexism gets worse wonce you become a mother!

Ooh can I just clarify that cbeebies is fine and dandy and I have been known to let DD watch it all day in the past but only when I've got housework to do, rather than not wanting to look after her IYSWIM

At work had an area of specialism along with one woman who had slightly more practical experience than me. Also one man who used to blog about this area for fun but had no practical experience at all - guess who got constantly called upon by the manager to "consult" on this issue to clients? Despite the fact that he knew bugger all about it in practical terms, the fact that he looked like the right "geeky" type (white boy with glasses) versus my other colleague (very sporty and pretty) and I, meant he became known in the company as "the expert". My female colleague and I had to team up and confront the manager with the fact that X was useless at his job, couldn't convince clients as had no idea himself, and that we were the ones who actually knew how to do it.

Also whatever the other women in the office and I were supposed to be doing, we all had to put it on hold when we had visitors/conferences as they needed "pretty girls on the doors".

Vile vile vile.

ordering a second lot of carpet (after first lot ordered by husband.
Ordered by myself, in my name paid with card from my own account.
Guy turns up with stuff all addressed to MR Bronze

A lot of companies wont deal with me as husbands name is on the acount first yet I set up the accounts as I manage the household.

I agree being called princess implies belittlement. not sure if I agree about frothy dresses etc. Say Princess to me and I think horsey (Anne probably)

Oh and when I was younger, 20, had just got engaged. I was asked at an interview if we planned on having children! I wasn't brave enough to say anything and didn't know at the time that he really wasn't allowed to ask that.

I was accused of asking for it wrt rape too.

By the police and by my Mum.

oh my god

i am 33 and honestly can't think of a time in my professional life when i've been discriminated against for my gender. i am so glad i can say that. i work in a mixed environment although my background is physical sciences so i studied with mostly men. i also have some male dominated hobbies. i wonder if i've inadvertantly developed a 'one of the boys' aura?

HOWEVER, i have not had a successful pregnancy yet - i am now very scared that as soon as i do i'll be treated like an idiot

fluffles
I'm 30 and very very happy to be pregnant, but it was SHOCKING after spending my 20s thinking "I can do anything a man can do, woo!" to realise how much my professional and career options begin to dwindle when I start to want to act in a way that men don't (i.e. take time off to recover from a birth). I was literally gobsmacked when I realised that actually yes, life is appallingly sexist. It's amazing, and horrific.

I don't work in the UK and don't have any maternity leave at all. AT ALL. And if I don't go straight back to work after my scraped-together 4 weeks of leave, I'm going to fall off the ladder/treadmill and may never get back on.
There are lots and lots of women in my profession, (my work that requires several postgrad degrees and years of training) but I can't think of any of the women above my level who have a family. It's like they decided that they couldn't have both. Now, by contrast, lots of the men in my department have kids. Cos they have a wife at home. Nice, eh?

yes blackcurrants i can see that in my future.

i am on contracts so not likely to get more than SMP unless i'm VERY lucky with my next contract and then very unlucky with concieving quickly.

OTOH i don't have a CLUE what i want to do with my life in terms of time off work, part time work... i'm just glad i have those choices - my DH-to-be is a construction industry professional and will not get flexible working. he'd love to do a day's childcare but working a 4-day week just isn't considered an option for men in his office (though it is for women!)

Hmmm so much of the sexism that we are experiencing is rooted in the idea that a woman's primary role is to reproduce?

I never actually asked the man who said I would be better off in a hairdressers why I would be, maybe I should've done.

I truly believe that until we equalise the roles of men in women concerning childcare, all attempts at gender equality are doomed to failure.

I agree Amber.

Another example for me, is people assuming that once me and DP have a child, it will be me looking after it. This offends me and DP, as we've always agreed we are better suited to me working.

I am also expected to not be happy supporting DP, and he is somehow meant to feel emasculated.

Blackcurrants that's terrible - poor you

I've have had various incidents, all trivial:

When I was 18 and worked in a bar the sleazy manager used to call me Busty Bertha, even in front of customers

Also working in the same bar I was told by a customer that I would be alright if I lost a bit of weight

In my current fluffy civil service job I have been told:

'It's your choice to have kids' (my old manager)

I am not allowed to mention breastfeeding (though other colleagues are allowed to tell jokes about women liking rape)

'I heard it's a myth that women need to eat for two when they are pregnant' (a direct reference from my manager about my eating habits)

My MIL writes cards to Mrs DH's name Surname and tells me that I am not feeding DH properly

My mum told me off for wearing unattractive PJs around my DH and also send DH an amazon voucher 'for being a good dad'

Butterflyeffect is right about my DH and PT working, but I'm not sure how much that is down to sexism (against men) and how much of it is just the company were a bunch of cocks.

I think I must be lucky,

I'm a games tester worked in an office of about 100+ odd people out of which there was normally around 2-4 women on any given shift.

When I got pregnant I got given a stand thing for my PC monitor, a foot rest, a fancy chair from the other office with my name on it, I didn't have to carry TV's over to my desk or consoles anymore others did it for me. when everyone was kicked out (zero hours staff not needed anymore) I was rushed off to HR and given maternity leave early "so I wouldn't loose any money during the down time".

No idea what hours I'm going to be working when I go back and I never really had any discrimination, you got the odd noob thinking you don't know anything about games but they soon learned after a short chat and thats really more about the stereotype of a gamer and lack of female gamers then actual sexism anyway.