It’s the insistence that we deny the evidence of our own eyes. Say I work with Karl who comes into work dressed as a woman. Maybe he is a transvestite. Maybe he is rocking David Bowie or the other New Romantics. Maybe he is wearing the national robes of his faith or country of origin. Maybe he claims he is a woman and says he is trans and wants me to call him Kate.
If I refer to Karl as he or him in many of those situations, it’s not a problem. If Karl wants me to call him Kate and refer to him as she and her, I might be courteous and do my best, because I like a happy working atmosphere. Or I might not want to tie myself in knots saying that an obvious man is a woman.
So let’s say I refer to him as him, rather than her. Maybe because I forgot. Maybe because he did something that reminded me of when he was coming to work as a man. Maybe because I am talking about a time when he was at work as a man. Maybe because I don’t want to be forced to call him her because pronouns are rohypnol. Maybe it’s important to refer to him as male because he is in a man in the ladies toilets.
This doesn’t deny Karl/Kate’s existence. S/he is right in front of me, existing. Dressed in a manner that s/he wants to. But forcing me to say this man is an actual woman, rather than this man says he is a woman, is against my rights as a woman and is compelled speech.
I will not lie.
I will not accommodate their wish for compelled speech.
I will correctly sex people because it matters.
None of this stops Kate existing. None of this stops Kate dressing as s/he wishes. None of this says I won’t promote Kate, won’t give Kate a job, won’t rent or sell my house to Kate, won’t serve Kate in a shop or restaurant or won’t sell Kate a ticket to a show or a game. Because those things would be illegal.