My 17 year old thinks he’s trans

[GreyMayDays]

I knew it was coming. Ny 17 year old has become more reclusive, more online, feeling unwell and not going to school increasely. Every time we have tried to address it, he says he wants us to leave him to it. I’ve said with the latest absence after have blood tests to rule out underlying issues that we can’t leave it to him now. So now he has told me he thinks he is trans. He is likely autistic and I think he’s teen angst and to be honest too cushy a life so is navel gazing. My Mum’s aunt went from being an uncle to an aunt so I’m aware there have been cases throughout the ages but I honestly don’t think this is what’s going on here. I feel he’s gone down a rabbit hole. I’ve told I love him and I don’t care who he is but I do think he needs to be careful not to make choices now that he wishes he hasn’t made when he was 30. We’re awaiting autism referral with NHS but I have said maybe we need to go privately. We have a meeting with school tomorrow but he won’t want me to tell them about this.
Help!

I agree with the others who’ve said, don’t affirm, restrict screen use etc.
that’s nice darling, what would you like for dinner.
And your mums uncle….. is still an uncle!

Turn the internet off, and tell him to go to school. He’s still a child. (And yes, I do have a 17 year old, so I know you can tell them to go to school.)

Exactly this.

There's lots of good advice / links upthread. Women / parents on here have been dealing with the fall out of children being gaslit about sex change for many years now.

Another one echoing the need to try to engage him in real life as much as is possible, despite his age. You and the family can do a lot to invite him to things, arrange things for him. And if you need to bite the bullet and switch off the internet overnight, then do it.

Hope you've found some help already from the thread.

@GreyMayDays This is the kind of person I was referring to.

You forgot to add the /sarcasm flag.

ETA Given your other posts about 'feeling unsafe ', this is unbelievably insensitive if it isn't sarcasm.

Block discord on your home wifi router.

Its really easy to use discord on a phone, not on the WiFi.

I really don't know what the answer is except remove all tech. And I don't see that you can do that with an almost adult without it really impacting your relationship with him, which is not what you want.

Maybe a more subtle blocking of certain words, rather than entire sites? But then he might figure it out and feel betrayed.

Parents are between a rock and a hard place.

IME, teenagers who spend a lot of time indoors become deficient in vitamin d. The results of this can be very debilitating in terms of anxiety and depression, making him more vulnerable to online influences. If you can manage to achieve a blood test it could be helpful. You can buy good supplents from independent pharmacists.

That is definitely worth considering.

Making sure they have a routine proper food, mealtimes together, good sleep is a good starting point is a good base with any teenager with depression and anxiety. Exercise and sun. And vitamin D.

Didn’t you make yourself look foolish enough on the other thread?!

My 11 year old granddaughter has just announced she's not sure if she's bi, asexual or lesbian..... What the duck?!?!!!
I said she doesn't need to make a decision just yet - but holy heck....
Being straight just 'isn't cool' enough apparently.

Click bait - bless your sorry self ...
Maybe go make yourself a sandwich or something.

Sometimes a MNHQ delete is a kindness to the poster.

That's different to the trans-identifying kids, even though they're both LGBTQ+, at that age it's really quite normal to be considering who you're attracted to. Brink of puberty, and I can vouch for it being 17 and just past it myself! Most people don't do it so openly, and with online influences of course it's more prevalent and less of a natural question.

Still, I'd really like to draw a line between gay and trans issues. They've been bundled together as a stealth campaign for the popularisation of 'trans rights'.

To save adding another post, to OP I'll say I really feel you. Too many people my age are wrapped up in this stuff, it's actually a bit embrassing how deeply they'll dig themselves into a pit of self-ID. The only way to combat it is through treating the underlying mental health issues, and then only after that through logic.

He's not trans, he's unhappy (clearly) and the internet is telling him that if he's unhappy, he's trans, and that transitioning is the solution. At least he has told you about it.

What is he unhappy about? Puberty? Not fitting in? Friend issues? Problems with college? Or maybe just blue from sitting in his room all day on the computer instead of being out and about and doing stuff.

If he is autistic, then he will probably have massive difficulty in identifying what feels bad and why it feels bad. The internet will have stepped in and told him and he is going along with it in the absence of his own explanation.

Talk to him about how he is feeling. Ask him why he thought he was trans and why he now thinks he is non-binary. If he can't explain, then it's not coming from him. Where is he getting it from? Remind him not to believe everything he reads online and that people online do not have his best interests at heart. Reassure him that feeling crap about yourself at his age is perfectly normal, puberty sucks, being a teenager sucks and people do get through it. He also needs to know that sitting in his room will make him feel bad, and getting outside for a walk/activity and spending time doing productive stuff will make him feel better. Less internet, more activity and if he is off school 'unwell' then he should not be spending the day on his computer. Is he sleeping?

There's a lot of pressure about to be put on him about UCAS applications/apprenticeships/next steps and that can be really stressful for them too, so make sure that he's not overwhelmed with all that.

Agree, it is really important that we challenge that Stonewall money earner of bundling total different ideas of how people think about themselves.

Lesbians and gay men are very aware of the sex they are, and that they are sexually attracted to those of the same sex.

It has nothing whatsoever to do with identities, etc..

And I think it is really good that most people in this country now think that being same attracted is just ordinary as is being "straight".

But in both instances this is about people who know what their sex is.

The TQI+ are nothing to do with that fact based reality.

Sorry OP, not that helpful for you.

I hope the contacts and shared experiences posted have been helpful.

Surely in your day the 17 year olds who didn’t want to go to school got jobs instead

Fair enough, yes. But how many employers allowed employees to take regular days off work? And for those employees then to lie in bed upset at the world?
That's the equivalent situation here.