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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

How to respond when my 12-year-old says she wants to be a boy

51 replies

Slowlygoinginsane24 · 07/05/2026 23:15

My daughter told me 2 days ago she wants to be a boy she's 12.

A year ago she was gender fluid, a year before that a lesbian - someone at school had a girl friend, and not long before that she genuinely wanted to be a cat because her friend then wanted to be a cat aswell. She made masks, asked for tails the lot.
Apparently she has wanted to be a boy for a while, her best friend at school identifies as a boy. I have read that lots of children neuro diverse experience gender dysphoria and feel this is what is happening to her, she is also heavily influenced by things she sees online I have now set up age 9 restrictions for her and removed all of social media. I honestly do not know where to turn as I don't want to be seen as transphobic but I just don't get it, she has flitted between being a girly girl and a bit tom boy for her whole life. She loves makeup and eyelashes and nail. It doesn't make sense other than she started puberty at 9 when all the oddities about identity began and secondary school has surrounded her with influences she hasn't been around before.

I'm even thinking of moving her schools, she hates at that school anyway 🙈 in November she was self harming and is now recieving counselling for this.
How do I not be dismissive of how she feels at the moment but also not support it with it causing her to start hurting herself again!

OP posts:
ProfessorBinturong · 15/05/2026 20:32

Drunk it? They're swimming in vast pools of the stuff. They took a year to comply with Supreme Court ruling with utmost reluctance and disgust, and have now set up national working groups to try to find a way to make it all about boys-who-think-they're girls again despite the ruling. Instead of prioritising their girl members, they are encouraging those girls to campaign for the boys.

OP, as well as the many excellent suggestions above I'd have a talk with the counsellor to ensure they're not affirming this. You may need to approach this rather carefully, because it's possible they're one of the sources of the problem.

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