'I love my child, but I'm afraid he's going to kill me'

[IwantToRetire]

“I went to the doctor for support for my son, in the first instance, and then he attacked me in front of the GP, who realised the extent of what we were living with, and he tried to make referrals. He tried to refer me to Women’s Aid, but because Jack was under 18, they wouldn’t work with us, because it’s not classed as domestic abuse. But that’s exactly what it was.”

Some organisations call it “child-to-parent abuse”, “child-to-parent violence” or “filial violence.” The domestic abuse charity RESPECT defines it as the dynamic where a young person, eight to 18 years old, engages in repeated abusive behaviour towards a parent or adult carer. It might be physical, emotional, economic or sexual. Or it can be coercive control. In the majority of cases (over 80 per cent) severe violence is targeted at the mother or female caregiver. According to figures released in December 2025 from the Metropolitan Police, the number of violent offences involving an adolescent attacking their parents or step-parents has increased by more than 60 per cent in the past decade.

When we talk about it, because it is such a taboo, people feel uncomfortable. Parents – especially mums – are already blamed for everything, so when something like this happens they feel ashamed, as if they’re a terrible parent who has failed. There’s also so much grief, because society tells you what typical family life should look like, and what a good parent is, and when the one person you love unconditionally is hurting you, it’s horrific.”

There are signs in schools and in the community that youth violence is more widespread than many realise, too. According to Met Police figures from 2025, 7,512 children aged between 10 and 14 were suspected of violent crime, including knife offences, in 2023 – a rise of 38 per cent from 2020.

Just a few paragraphs from quite a long article https://inews.co.uk/inews-lifestyle/love-child-afraid-kill-me-4181559
Can also be read in full at https://archive.is/n9s0s

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I was going to add it to a thread about this from about a year ago as it seems nothing much has changed in terms of support.

If anyone knows the link to the older thread, can you post like as I think that various support services were posted in response.

But as with many articles like this the stats are vague. ie are the police figures mainly reflecting boys or are girls also becoming more violent.

But very sad and scary situation.

Also topically, we have had an issue in my sons school which has come to my attention today that we have a 5yo who has been consistently violent (to the extreme) in my sons class and has therefore had to be temporarily excluded to keep the other kids safe whilst they try to come up with a solution. We have another child (suspected SEN) who has also been hitting other children in class - and now requires a 1 to 1.

Equally I know of a family that had to withdraw their 5yo child from (different) school because they were being physically attacked in the playground by their peers (multiple children) with threats made to kill etc which was extremely worrying. The school said it was "normal behaviour" and tried to minimise it, telling the parent their child was overly sensitive as he was an only child. I have seen first hand there are children of this age who are aggressive and violent in playgrounds, soft play and in alot of cases the parent is usually on their phone on the other side, not watching them and not intervening when they need to. So yes I do think permissive parenting plays a part in some instances.

Another adopter here,and violence against parents, particularly mothers, is more common than it should be.

The reasons seem complex and I dont understand them. I think it is incredibly hard, and hopefully the below contains no critism of those living with violenve.

To me, things that makes these behaviours worse are:

1. Training given to adopters. When i went through adoption training, adopters were almost told to martyr themselves and sacrifice everything for their child, to build attachment above everything else. We were told not to shame our children under any circumstances. Maybe this has changed now, or other parents hqve better experiences.

This mind fuckery makes it hard to respond to violence. It gives parents a massive guilt complex and doesnt provide the skills needed to manage these extreme behavious.

2. There are now no early intervention services,either universal or directed at SEN or adopted families. These used to exist.

3. You cant access any sort of support unless you are at crisis and even then it is a long wait.

https://www.cleveland.com/metro/2009/12/kent_state_professor_trudy_ste.html

This is a heartbreaking report of a woman who was murdered by her son, who has an ASD diagnosis. She was a uni lecturer and he was violent towards her from mid teens, with it escalating after a parental separation.

She described the violence in the uni’s student newspaper but still insisted she was fine, and took her son of the residential care unit his dad organised for him. She wrote a letter and put it in her safe, saying that if people were reading it her son had likely killed her, and she didn’t want him blamed because she had failed him.

I smacked (slap on calf) my DD on one occasion - aged 3 - when she ran between two cars and was nearly run over. She was just out of using reins and walking along a quiet street holding my hand. She never ran out in this way again and she is not in any way violent (though very assertive, but I brought her up to be so).
The occasional smack is not the same as beating. And you'd know the difference had you ever come across the latter.

Yes @Grammarnut children that age simply can't understand reasoning.

A smack communicates something that they DO understand and can work with. It's not ideal but sometimes necessary.

Most people know where the line is.