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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

young relative wants to transition, family is reeling

73 replies

hilariasouzanem · 22/12/2025 23:58

My young adult nephew has told his parents he wants to transition, and it's come as a huge shock. They have strong feelings about it, understandably, as do I. I'm looking for resources for them to help them navigate this situation. I really feel they need support, ideally from people in the same boat. Are there support groups for parents in this position? There must be a board here on MN but I don't know where to look. Can anyone point me in the right direction please?

FWIW I have dipped in and out of the FWR boards for years, and my views would be considered GC. It's not something we've ever discussed within the family though.

And while I'm here, can anyone help with this question - what happened to the concept of social transitioning before medical transition? Didn't you used to have to do that for a year (two years?) before anyone would consider prescribing hormones? My DN is planning to start on hormones in a few weeks and this is all very new.

Leaving aside my GC position, I really feel he's not mature enough to make this decision. He's technically an adult but very young for his age. He has had a fairly serious mental health issue for several years, which has slowed his development. He has only this year found the right meds that have helped him recover (mostly but not completely) from that and he has some catching up to do.

Any pointers gratefully received. I will either share resources mentioned with SIL or show her this thread.

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hilariasouzanem · 23/12/2025 20:33

@Tadpolesinponds @ArabellaSaurus @OleOlay @Lightuptheroom I've said all these things today, except the part about having his own children because that didn't occur to me. He's determined. He's not even planning to do it supervised, just buy some hormones off the internet fgs 😫
I've read about AGP on here before, only in passing but enough to give me an idea. God, what to say about that...

What I will say is it feels really true to him. He's convinced. He's old enough in years to do it by himself and there are no barriers to entry, and lots of approval from his new friends. Short of locking him in a tower I don't think he can be stopped.

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hilariasouzanem · 23/12/2025 20:49

What I don't understand about AGP is why it has to be a full-time thing. Any other fetish is usually appropriately restricted in space and time. And why does it have to happen irl and not just fantasy? It's such an extreme jump to actually transition

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ArabellaSaurus · 23/12/2025 21:16

hilariasouzanem · 23/12/2025 20:49

What I don't understand about AGP is why it has to be a full-time thing. Any other fetish is usually appropriately restricted in space and time. And why does it have to happen irl and not just fantasy? It's such an extreme jump to actually transition

Fetishes can just be part of someone's psyche, but my understanding is that transvestic fetishistic disorder is by definition something that has damaging effects on the person's life.

This is rooughly what the ICD says, iirc.

ArabellaSaurus · 23/12/2025 21:18

And as far as I know, these things start gradually and tend to escalate.

The extremes of male sexuality can be difficult to understand, though.

ArabellaSaurus · 23/12/2025 21:21

hilariasouzanem · 23/12/2025 20:33

@Tadpolesinponds @ArabellaSaurus @OleOlay @Lightuptheroom I've said all these things today, except the part about having his own children because that didn't occur to me. He's determined. He's not even planning to do it supervised, just buy some hormones off the internet fgs 😫
I've read about AGP on here before, only in passing but enough to give me an idea. God, what to say about that...

What I will say is it feels really true to him. He's convinced. He's old enough in years to do it by himself and there are no barriers to entry, and lots of approval from his new friends. Short of locking him in a tower I don't think he can be stopped.

Well, perhaps not. In which case look after the other members of the family. AGP can be destructive, I'm afraid.

Maryberrysbouffant · 23/12/2025 21:30

Is he aware that it can affect his sexual function? He may say he’s not bothered now, but when older and In a relationship it will be different.
Would he read detransitioner accounts? He’s probably thinking nobody regrets it at this point.

TinyRebel · 23/12/2025 21:42

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

TinyRebel · 23/12/2025 22:03

Why has my reply been deleted? I appreciate that taking the p*ss might not be everyone’s approach, but it’s as good as any.

hilariasouzanem · 23/12/2025 22:04

Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck.
Are you all saying that all straight TiMs are really AGP? And whatever is happening now is going to get more extreme?

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Tadpolesinponds · 23/12/2025 22:12

Freezing his sperm would be an option - but he should look into it sooner rather than later.

PennyLaneisinmyheartandmysoul · 23/12/2025 22:15

Tadpolesinponds · 23/12/2025 22:12

Freezing his sperm would be an option - but he should look into it sooner rather than later.

And who’s to pay for that and any future science stuff for this boy to somehow use science to form a human?

PennyLaneisinmyheartandmysoul · 23/12/2025 22:16

hilariasouzanem · 23/12/2025 22:04

Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck.
Are you all saying that all straight TiMs are really AGP? And whatever is happening now is going to get more extreme?

So he’s straight? He wants to be a seen as a woman, who wants to have sex with straight women @hilariasouzanem ?

Tadpolesinponds · 23/12/2025 22:39

He ran a gender dysphoria clinic for a decade. He says that his patients were: 1) transsexuals - people who wanted to change their bodies (wanted to be the opposite sex), 2) transsexuals who were post-operative regretters, 3) tranvestites - enjoyed dressing up in women's clothes sometimes, either fetishist or non-fetishist, not interested in changing their bodies/becoming female (there were a large number of these men), 4) AGP (excited by the fantasy of having a vagina and breasts). The AGP men were a small minority.

Then he visited the Tavistock and saw young camp children being turned from gay to trans by the clinic. The Tavistock disapproved of homosexuality.

In his research /observation of the transsexuals, he found that they were almost all either autistic, or suffered from trauma, or had internalised homophobia. Autistic people are very rules-based. The degree of autism corelated with how much they were going to regret medical treatment. Autistic people felt they were different, searched for a reason, decided they were the wrong sex and latched on to that. Then as they were autistic they were sure of that and wouldn't let go. They had a fantasy vision of the sex change solving everything. After the sex change, the very autistic ones didn't regret but the less autistic ones did, because they were better at seeing that others didn't see them as the new sex.

Group therapy was effective because the regretters talked the others round. The regretters wished that their family and friends had not been supportive of their decision to transition, but had questioned them.

None of the men were able to describe what it is to be a woman, other than the stereotypes.

suburberphobe · 23/12/2025 22:42

Approach it in the same way as if he'd been drawn into a cult, because that's exactly what you're dealing with here.

I agree with this.

hilariasouzanem · 23/12/2025 22:45

@Tadpolesinponds thank you. I really appreciate you taking the trouble.
So maybe as there are 4 categories, he may not be AGP? He could be the first kind?

BTW he doesn't want surgery, just hormones. At least that's what he's saying now

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hilariasouzanem · 23/12/2025 22:49

I've seen this question before, but really, what happened to the transvestites of yesteryear? You never hear about them now. What happened? Transition became more available? Were they all secretly wanting to be women but thwarted by lack of opportunity? It always seemed to be just about the clothes.

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Tadpolesinponds · 23/12/2025 22:49

If he's not gay but is autistic he might well be the first kind (that's my understanding of it, but have a look at the video. And the doctor's written a book on detransitioners that is probably very useful).

hilariasouzanem · 23/12/2025 22:51

@PennyLaneisinmyheartandmysoul he wants relationships with women. And yes I did point out the blindingly obvious...

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PennyLaneisinmyheartandmysoul · 23/12/2025 22:51

hilariasouzanem · 23/12/2025 22:45

@Tadpolesinponds thank you. I really appreciate you taking the trouble.
So maybe as there are 4 categories, he may not be AGP? He could be the first kind?

BTW he doesn't want surgery, just hormones. At least that's what he's saying now

Leave him to it. Honestly it’s so boring these arsehole entitled males who want to make others scurry hurry and stress about their choices about who they want to stick their cock into.

PennyLaneisinmyheartandmysoul · 23/12/2025 22:52

hilariasouzanem · 23/12/2025 22:51

@PennyLaneisinmyheartandmysoul he wants relationships with women. And yes I did point out the blindingly obvious...

So he sounds a dangerous predatory male? “Love me, love my female cock”?

hilariasouzanem · 23/12/2025 22:53

PennyLaneisinmyheartandmysoul · 23/12/2025 22:51

Leave him to it. Honestly it’s so boring these arsehole entitled males who want to make others scurry hurry and stress about their choices about who they want to stick their cock into.

It would be easy to do that if he wasn't someone I've loved for two decades and until 5 minutes ago, a sweet, troubled boy who was finally getting his life together

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PennyLaneisinmyheartandmysoul · 23/12/2025 22:55

hilariasouzanem · 23/12/2025 22:53

It would be easy to do that if he wasn't someone I've loved for two decades and until 5 minutes ago, a sweet, troubled boy who was finally getting his life together

So as long as he’s happy, sod the females he’s a shit to? That’s ok as he’s a poor lamb?

hilariasouzanem · 23/12/2025 22:56

PennyLaneisinmyheartandmysoul · 23/12/2025 22:52

So he sounds a dangerous predatory male? “Love me, love my female cock”?

I'm aware of the awfulness, but honestly, I don't think he has the confidence to be predatory.

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