I’m considering outing myself as GC

[feministmom4ever]

I have an acquaintance who posts a lot of stuff on Facebook about how trans people are being discriminated against, and “why do people hate trans people so much?” I’m always very tempted to respond, but I know a lot of other people I know would see my responses, and I don’t know what the backlash would be. Possibly it wouldn’t be a big deal, but my Facebook account has my real name (which is very unusual and so very recognizable). I’m torn between wanting to have a conversation with a pro trans person who would actually engage (I think reasonably) and not wanting to causes any issues for myself. If I could post anonymously I would.
Anyone else been in this situation and what was the result?

I wouldn't engage on Facebook, I don't think it's a place for a reasonable exchange. I'd have a face to face conversation with a friend though.

As above, I wouldn't on Facebook. But do in person if you think the person is capable of reasoned thought and discussion. Many are not

Another vote for not on Facebook @feministmom4ever But you can tell the truth in real life.

If you HAVE to respond, I would be more strategic. Ask innocent questions rather then throwing the GC book at them.

I sit on my hands frequently. I just reason no good will come of me challenging when they have such entrenched views. So I roll my eyes instead and wonder how intelligent people could be so delusional.

This is what I do, just a couple of strategic questions or opinions. It doesn't need to be everything at once. So eg they are being banned from <insert sport>. Polite reply, no of course they're not. They can participate in this team. Hope the team, oh is that the one your Jonnie plays for, are supportive? OR

isn't it lovely that <insert poor oppressed person> has won this womens new business success award. No not really if you look at 2nd and 3rd place they set up their businesses as single mums, working all hours, whereas little jonnie until recently had a successful business career. Not quite sure how they qualify.

Challenge the facts not the person.

Unfortunately everyone sitting on their hands implies acceptance, hence the rot sets in.

It’s possible to be critical but not hateful or spiteful. You can believe in women only spaces, awards or whatever but still believe trans people should be treated with dignity and respect, just they shouldn’t have access to the above. I’ll respond politely that there’s middle ground available

Other people may be able to gently engage by asking occasional questions. I'm not so self-controlled, so I've kept off Facebook where I use my name and where I'm in danger of getting into arguments with people I know.

On other platforms I'm anonymous; here I feel as if I have got to know some people a bit; elsewhere I don't know anyone and am more likely to get into discussions with complete strangers and then never come across them again. On those platforms I occasionally find myself behaving in ways the platform encourages, and that's not always positive.

So it's sensible to be aware of how much a platform encourages confrontation, or how easy it is to chase after likes or follow other people into places you wouldn't usually go.

That's a very interesting point about how the platform influences behaviour.

I often think a mild, though reality-based response is best. Despite knowing how TRAs take the smallest remark and lose their marbles. But isn’t that the point? Show the lurkers how unhinged the TRAs are?

so something like, “I want nothing but the best for transpeople but I rarely see hate. I think it’s just that most people don’t want children involved and want to protect women’s rights. Most people simply don’t believe transgender people are what they say they are.”

I wouldn’t touch political comment on Facebook with a barge pole.

I’ll admit it was useful to see all the GC comments on the Woodcraft Folk page and that they deleted them all very quickly.

I guess so, but I'm too old, tired and can't be bothered to argue with terminally stupid.

I'm old and tired too, and totally get you on the terminally stupid, but I hope the pebble in the water ripple makes a difference. After all this is over and single sex rights are even more confirmed, there will be trans people. So I would rather society accept them, within boundaries. But yet again little sign of any men stepping up on this, which is why I suggest lobbing the grenade back into their areas.

This is what troubles me the most, that by staying silent I’m being complicit.

I think you are, sorry. Challenging does not mean being rude or disrespectful. I think it needs to be Magicians Sleight of hand. You say this, I answer this ( totally respectfully and politely, but makes a different point). Small points, not personal. It is about helping the general non-commenting public to see the issues. Eg Sharron Davis- i bet her views and those of Martina Navratilova register more than the lovely competent lawyers we all know.

I don't post anything like that on facebook because it would cost me my job but everyone I see in person knows exactly where I stand.

I’ve responded to pro trans friend’s posts on Facebook. Both still speak to me. ( more friends of friends but I do see them in RL too).

I left FB during the Brexit debate. It was fine when people that I had known and respected for over 10 years advanced arguments on either side for my consideration but when it degenerated into a tribal shouting match, I just deleted my account and walked away. Haven't missed it tbh.

I don't think your friend is likely to respond reasonably, so I wouldn't.

I strongly believe this but the person in my circle who posts a lot of pro trans stuff does not. Asking questions is hate, agreeing with someone who is campaigning for single sex spaces is hate. Reading Harry Potter? Hate. Don’t think there’s any way to convince her otherwise.

If someone I knew posted gender ideology nonsense on their personal FB account, I probably wouldn't bother replying.

But I would (and have) challenged comments made in local FB groups. I think that's worth it for the benefit of neutrals who will see the discussion, especially if the TRA ends up showing themself up by being rude and aggressive.

I’m torn between wanting to have a conversation with a pro trans person who would actually engage (I think reasonably)...

Well there's your answer - stop right there -

Such people don't exist.

yet again little sign of any men stepping up on this

That's interesting because I see the opposite. I'm a GC man and nearly all of the really committed pro-trans "allies" amongst my FB friends and groups are women. This is actually one thing that tempers my own self expression on the issue. I figure, who am I to tell women about the insanity of gender ideology and importance of sex based rights, when most women don't even seem to want that themselves?

I would never do it in writing like that as lunatics take screenshots and share them. Sometimes you just quietly have to eyeroll and read the silence as a response. Recently I was in a large WhatsApp group where a couple of people made similar comments only much more aggressively. Interestingly, no one replied but equally no one supported the posts. No hearts or thumbs up etc. The silence became the answer. I know in the past at least half the people in that group would have felt obliged to give the post a heart or similar out of fear of being 'called out'. Now the response is a polite version of 'looking away from the toddler having a tantrum'.