I’m considering outing myself as GC

[feministmom4ever]

I have an acquaintance who posts a lot of stuff on Facebook about how trans people are being discriminated against, and “why do people hate trans people so much?” I’m always very tempted to respond, but I know a lot of other people I know would see my responses, and I don’t know what the backlash would be. Possibly it wouldn’t be a big deal, but my Facebook account has my real name (which is very unusual and so very recognizable). I’m torn between wanting to have a conversation with a pro trans person who would actually engage (I think reasonably) and not wanting to causes any issues for myself. If I could post anonymously I would.
Anyone else been in this situation and what was the result?

I'm more than happy to speak openly on Facebook, but then I'm lucky that my colleagues, friends and family are nearly all gender critical. This means that it's not such a big risk for me.
Of course I have been threatened by transwomen, it's something that you need to consider. But I have some friends who can't speak out because they work in education or the NHS or even in retail and they run the risk of losing their jobs. So I kind of feel like I want to speak up for all of us.

My position has always been everyone's entitled to their own opinions, I don't need to comment on them (especially online which is just looking to start a bunfight, honestly I could have a degree in eyerolling).
However, if asked directly I won't lie. For example, I was asked recently by a younger, female manager what book I was reading. I said the latest JK Rowling/Strike novel. She replied that she didn't think anyone would read that because of the 'problematic' author so I asked why JK was problematic and if she'd read the essay JK wrote. No. So I said I had and suggested it's always better to look at first hand sources rather than outsource opinions to tiktok and that I'd be happy to discuss it with her when she'd read it.
Hopefully she might actually do it and begin to think.

That’s an interesting perspective and I do see where you’re coming from. A man explaining to a women why she shouldn’t just hand over women’s rights to men is…yeah… However the people directly causing the problems for women’s single-sex spaces are men, so as a women I very much values men’s support in telling other men they should not go into women’s spaces.

That's interesting. I don't think I have ever seen a man entering a women's space uninvited. It has always been the unspoken rule that we just don't do that, so I had never considered the possibility that it might be necessary – until I became more aware of trans thinking a few years ago. The change in society is that trans people and allies are now inviting or validating some men going into women's spaces, and most men still haven't really cottoned on to what is happening. Of those who have, a very significant proportion approve of it, because it is considered kind in their "progressive circles".

A few are speaking up against it in general terms, but how many ever think that they might need to tell their male friends or relatives to keep out of women's spaces? It's not just that the issue doesn't directly affect most men, but that most men don't know anyone personally who they are aware is behaving badly in this way.

I’m actively waiting for one of my fb friends to post something so I can get the ball rolling and out myself but nobody has posted anything about it for ages (wondering if they’ve all gradually come to their senses)

I agree. The online world is potentially so dangerous and damaging. At your most vulnerable, if this ever happened, those public and frankly completely acceptable views you have - could be wrapped up and used against you. Look at cancel culture atm.

So I only say - think twice.

I want to stand firm on my values on this. And I do. I try to live it. So, there's a trans individual in my local shop. This man seems pleasant enough when serving me so we have a pleasant exchange. He doesn't really need to know my personal thoughts as what's the point. If I ever have to refer to the gent as she + as on the name badge) I really don't know what I will say. I believe I am likely to refer to this man as ' the staff member '. Because I'm now quite resistant to conforming. Yet. I know a time may mean I have no choice but to say ' she' . ( I'm already a social outcast for various reasons)and am vulnerable in my own way.

In conversation, if it comes up; Then I will say what I think. And yes, I see people I know don't like it and have judged me over it. I have to say - I never want to see any individual hurt, especially a vulnerable individual. I absolutely mean this. I hate bullying with a passion.

However, it's the political and wider social ramifications that concern me when I think about the trans debate. That's as honest as I can be.

The moment you ask someone to challenge their views or enquire into why their views are such - that's when you see people often don't know the answer. They are therefore simply operating almost on autopilots as part of the social murmuration. And as part of the ' I am a kind good person ' belief they must have.

When people can't answer this simple question such as that you posed, and then get defensive; I find it so unsettling. I find that scary. Not JK Rowling as scary. But the number of people who don't ever stop to think about how they are influenced and then how this influences others.To think some people would happily see JK dead for simply reflecting a truth. This is so scary to me. How many of those after JK believe they are decent people; most probably.

MN completely challenged my 'be kind' beliefs just over a year ago. Thank you MN. Although sometimes it's easier to be part of the zombie train. It feels scary speaking out TBH.

I've seen the same on WhatsApp. Back in April, someone on our neighbourhood group posted a link to a petition for all those "horrified" by the SC ruling. There was zero response. It felt a bit like a collective eyeroll.

i agree with @RunMeOver that most of the pro-trans believers I see on FB are female, or apparently so, after all you never know people's sex online unless you know them personally. But I think the mood is very different to a year or so ago. The Indy (I know, I know!) had a thread the other day on the Guides, and how sad it was, poor transgirls, etc. First two replies, one from a man and one from a woman, nailed the responses very well. Both got literally hundreds of likes, and not a single demurral. That wouldn't have happened ayear ago.

Funnily enough I have been debating this very thing this evening. An old friend who I admire very much has suddenly shared a fact-free essay by some no-mark lunatic demanding everyone boycotts anything Harry Potter related because JKR has used her money to single-handedly buy off the entire British legal system to make them change the law, just to punish trans people and stop them being in the Guides and WI.

I don’t touch political posts on FB as others have said upthread, but this is so stupid it makes me depressed. I can’t imagine there’s any pushback I could give that wouldn’t make me the pariah and lose a whole friendship group. But just scrolling by without challenging such nonsense is almost unbearable.

I outed myself as GC posting a link to JKR talking about women’s rights and within minutes I’d been deleted and blocked by a handful of acquaintances

It troubles me too.

I've been offloading on another thread about the cognitive dissonance I feel when socialising with a particular friend who has become a true believer. A few weeks ago, on impulse, I mentioned this to another friend (not mutual) who has always struck me as very grounded and sensible. She didn't really engage, and I was terrified I'd said the wrong thing. But the next time I saw her, she spontaneously brought up a conversation she'd had about the GG and WI decisions, and said she was worried she had been too blunt.

I find this really encouraging. If we proceed really cautiously, we may find that our friends have been self-censoring just as we have. But always face to face, not online.

I wouldn't bother. The whole thing is such utter emperor's new clothes tripe and will burn itself out. Just smile sweetly and refer back to basic biology. In a few years time society will, thankfully, have moved on. People can present as they wish and I, like many others will respect their choice and be respectful of not hurting their feelings, but some things are set and not mere lifestyle choices.

I’m so sorry Twisted, I feel for you. There’s no doubt that would happen to me. I have already lost all enthusiasm for a long-established hobby I adored because of this, these friends are related to that sector and there would just be no going back. It just feel silly I’m the one who has to feel self-conscious and lose out to this ill-informed, performative ‘be kind’ crowd.

I would reply and sign post to Behra (sp?) that JKR set up to support Women and Girls around Edinburgh.

Are they people you miss?

Engage if you can.

Yes, there are some risks, but I suggest looking as honestly as you are able at what those risks are, and balance them with the risks of all of the huge silent majority not speaking up.

If your work requires you to not speak out in public, then yes, give the subject due consideration. Bear in mind that 'gc' beliefs are protected beliefs and WORIADS.

Not at all and tbh I was expecting it from a couple of them who are very vocal #bekind types.

I could tell all the men I know not to go into women's spaces, but they're all "cis" men who wouldn't be thinking of doing that anyway. I don't have any more direct contact with the trans community than the average woman does, so I'm not in any better position than they are to influence them just by virtue of being a man.

I've seen lots of evidently well informed and helpful comments from men on social media in the past week, on both the WI and the GG decisions. These are men standing up for women's rights, openly and clearly.

I'm a raging Feminazi viper, and I'm pleased to see it.

I more meant in terms of general conversation, just saying things like they think women should have the right to single sex spaces.

I’ve learned the very hard way that FB is not the place for nuanced discussion. Very quickly it turns into a virtue-signalling exercise with people rushing to condemn the ‘wrong’ opinion in case anyone thinks they agree with it.

If I do post anything on FB, it’s behind an edited friends list of those I feel I can trust to either be supportive or respectful. Maybe that’s missing the point as it won’t challenge those who disagree vehemently with me but I really cannot be arsed with yet another online flaming.

I'm not allowed to say I don't believe men can transform into butterflies (aka women) since I work in administration at a university, and at a medical faculty at that, hahaha. Would't want to be a reactionary nazi fascist virgin slag misandric Karen TERF, would I? I have forgone putting "she/her" under my e-mails, so far, but that's as far as it goes. I would suggest you don't say anything either, because it could cost you so much. Famous women and men have to start it, not regular women.