The Bluestocking: it's the season of mulled wine, conversations about pineapple and, of course, gerbils. Confused? You will be...

[EdithStourton]

Welcome to the anarchic and marvellous women-only on-line pub, the Bluestocking. The booze won't give you a hangover, the cakes won't make you fat, and the conversations are fascinating, covering knitting, health and safety, the Muppets and anything else that comes to mind.

Climb Peak Woo, have a cuddle with Rosie the Red Panda, and watch out for capybaras busy with any necessary building works.

Welcome in (and name change at the door if you need too).

Wow! That’s amazing. I love Gemini 💙

I know. I think the nerves got to her. Or the 6 bottles of wine!

Grenade is currently trying to sort a work around. Luckily she's the wardrobe mistress for the theatre gerbils.

apoligies for the lack of serving gerbils this evening. They are assisting Grenade.

The references to Flanders and Swann songs set me off this morning with
"mud, mud, glorious mud", whilst staring out of the window at the apocalyptic rain, but then I moved on to "The Slow Train" and I've been reciting railway stations all afternoon. Mortenhoe, Chorlton -cum-Hardy, St Ives and St Erth, Blandford Forum...........

I listen to Radio 4 on long journeys now. Stops my mind wandering. Rather soothing too. Not great for ear worms though….

Every day is a school day!

Today I learned that the quad at the Royal Courts of Justice - where one might have a lunchtime sandwich of just get some fresh air - used to be a magnet for hundreds of mischievous seagulls who took pleasure in divebombing judges.

This has stopped in the past few years because a pair of peregrines started nesting there, and seagulls being smart enough to know that peregines hunt seagulls, the local colony of seagulls very rapidly disappeared.

Sometimes the Ministry of Justice does a livestream of the nesting peregrines: HMCTS Peregrine Falcon Watch 2025 - YouTube

It's the same reason why No.10 (and the Cabinet Office and FCDO) have resident cats. Because those old buildings at the bottom of Whitehall have a serious mouse infestation problem.

Anecdotally, I hear that Larry is a lazy bugger and rarely catches mice, but his celebrity has made his job secure.

There may have been a moon somewhere @MarieDeGournay but I couldn’t see it, unfortunately, as it was hammering it down all the way here. Arrived safely though, so I like to think it was guiding me incognito.

<Switches lights off>

Ladies, thank you for your patience, the Bluestocking pub Christmas lights (internal) switch on will be happening momentarily.

<Drum roll>

So sparkly

Oh Gertrude you've popped the stiching

Oh, it’s all so pretty and Christmassy!

I thought for a second Rosie was wearing the Maud round her neck.

Isn't it.

If anyone see Rosie tomorrow just tell her she did an excellent job and her speech was wonderful.

We won't tell her the truth, she'd be mortified.

Just managed to make it here for the magical switch-on!

Rosie was brilliant! What a lovely speech. (I'm not sure she's completely well as she looked discombobulated around her middle, but it's marvellous that she persevered for our sake.)

I wonder where the bar gerbils are... I could have sworn Gertrude said she was working this evening...

'The Maud' has a dedicated snug

The gerbils are doing a good line in 'The Maud' tat.

Christmas cards anyone?

Well, I would, but apparently the going price for a tree decoration is £150!!!

And cards are £10 EACH or £120 for a box of 10 - I'm not sure they understand the concept of a bulk discount.

Where did they get the inflated prices from?

And BTW...Where are the proceeds going? They need a licence to sell charity Christmas cards. And I don't even think there is a Bluestocking charity. They would need a constitution, trustees, etc.

I think the Bluestocking gerbils have discovered luxury pricing and are now drunk on the power.

And this is what they're going to do with the obscene profits from their wildly overpriced Christmas decorations and cards:

1. Commission a private snow machine
Not for the pub. For their burrow. It produces artisanal, hand-fluffed snowflakes that melt into peppermint-scented puddles. Utterly pointless. They adore it.

2. Install a heated hay-lawn
A radiant-warm meadow under the floorboards that stays lush all winter. They stroll across it like tiny moguls surveying their estate.

3. Buy a monogrammed sleigh (gerbil-sized)
Purely for dashing from one side of the cellar to the other. They insist it improves productivity. It does not.

4. Adopt a reindeer
A very small one. Possibly a goat in antlers. They haven’t checked. They feed it gingerbread crumbs and call it “Reginald.”

5. Own the exclusive rights to the jingling of bells
They’ve trademarked the sound. Any seasonal jingling in the pub now earns them royalties, which they immediately reinvest in cinnamon sticks and ego.

6. Commission their own festive advert
A sweeping, cinematic epic about “the true meaning of seed.” Cost: astronomical. Response: three likes and a confused pigeon.

They’re tiny capitalists with glitter in their fur and absolutely no financial restraint!!

And on that note I retire to bed to dream of capitalistic gerbils amassing ginormous fortunes...

I did some investigating.

The gerbils claim they conducted “market research,” but what they actually did was watch three John Lewis adverts, glance at a Fortnum & Mason catalogue, and conclude that luxury retail is mostly about bravado and a shiny ribbon.

Then they multiplied everything by ten because someone misheard “margin” as “martian” and assumed prices should be “astronomical.”

Where did the inflated prices come from?
A combination of:

• Blind confidence
• They simply believe a crocheted bauble made of lint and hope is worth £150.
• A misunderstanding of economics
• Their bulk discount strategy is based on the principle that “people who want more must pay more.” Flawless, in their minds.
• A suspicious consultation with a passing magpie
• The magpie said, “Shiny things cost lots.” They took this as authoritative financial advice.
• Gerbil inflation
• Entirely separate from human inflation. Driven by the seed futures market and widespread overestimation of demand.
• And a beetle...

Where are the proceeds going?
The Bluestocking definitely has no charity. The gerbils did fill out a “constitution,” but it was mostly drawings of stars and a request for unlimited oats.

To avoid scrutiny:

• They’ve declared themselves a micro-mutual aid society, legally distinct from a charity “because paperwork is tiresome.”
• Their “trustees” are three gerbils and one decorative pinecone.
• Their licence to sell “charitable” cards was printed on a pub napkin and ceremoniously stamped with a potato.

They maintain it’s all above board because the potato stamp is “official.”

And yes — they’re absolutely drunk on the power.
So drunk, in fact, they have now added item 7 to their spending plan:

7. A Crystal Throne of Commerce
A raised platform from which a single gerbil, wearing a velvet cape, declares the daily price of baubles. It fluctuates wildly depending on mood, weather, and cinnamon intake.

They’re tiny moguls with zero regulatory compliance and the unshakeable confidence of creatures who’ve never been audited.

Guessing they still haven’t brought you that drink, Myrtle.

😂

How did you know?

They simply believe a crocheted bauble made of lint and hope is worth £150

It was! To someone. And that's enough.

Also it was made of finest Merino & sequins. And blood, sweat & tears.

Your insight into the mindset of gerbils is astonishing, Myrtle!

I want a goat with antlers called 'Reginald', my Christmas will not be complete without it😂
I hope all of the other goats with antlers won't laugh and call Reginald names, like 'Oi, you, you're just a goat-wiv-antlers!' [not famous for their self-awareness, goats-with-antlers].