Minor “challenge” about wellbeing events

[Deanefan]

So I’m getting bolder in my NHS Wales mega captured organisation. Still have my for women scotland XX pin on my lanyard and have replied honestly when I have been asked about it.

This week I emailed the organising group, to ask why the “men’s health” drop in discussion session was men only but the “menopause cafe” was an inclusive event. I pointed out it was likely some women would prefer a discussion in a single sex space.

Good for you op. I’ve got nothing to add but it’s all a bit wearisome now isn’t it? That woman can’t have anything for themselves but men are just magically left alone and it’s business as normal for them. Very clever tactic actually. It’s only when men are inconvenienced that anything becomes noteworthy.

Good for you. I wonder if they will give you any sort of reasonable response.

As an aside, I look forward to a day when lanyards and work clothing are no longer used to express any kind of political opinion.

You are correct to challenge this. Why is it always women who are forced to give way to men? There is no need to have a menopause event open to all, as it is a women specific topic.
Kerp us posted on their response.

Thank-you for challenging this, OP, the more people do the more we get traction.

It will be interesting to see how they manage to spin the blatant sexism here. Do update us with any response!

Yes will let you know if I get a response, if I don’t I will ask again. Maybe by involving my departmental wellbeing lead. I only started wearing my FWS pin after work were handing out lanyards advertising the LGBQTIA group at work. They also handed out pride progress flag badges one pride month.

Well done op. The mind boggles that anyone could think men who identify as women have a place in a menopause group.

@Lovelyview
...but it’s not just men who identify as women. Men are affected by menopause* too, or so we are told (my eyes are rolling so far back they have come round to the front again) so need to be able to access all of the information, seminars, groups, chats and everything.

*obviously they have their own menopause which, if the drug companies can invent investigate the symptoms thoroughly enough, will be 10 times worse than anything any woman has to go through.

Well done @Deanefan I had a Darlington nurses badge on my coat which I hid in the end! 😆 One day I'll wear my sex matters and WRN badge haha. Do tell us what happens next

Is that what they call andropause? And if it was, I bet if they had a group for it then women would 100% not be allowed to join. Someone needs to explain that you can't identify into menopause. It's so fucking obvious to all the sane people but apparently not to some

Well done OP, at a menopause talk in the NHS organisation I work we were informed that some men have ovaries too. 🙄

This is what the NHS has to say about the so-called male menopause. They clearly state that it's nothing to do with the female menopause. Reading this, I can's see ANY REASON why men of any age should be given access to female talks and support on the actual menopause. Of course, it would be fine for your workplace to hold a session on the issues that affect some men around middle age - which the NHS says are not hormonal but may be caused by obesity, lack of sleep, etc. Why not see what your employer thinks about that? Surely what they're doing is like inviting all staff to lots of sessions on gynaecological cancers, because some men may suffer from prostrate cancer (but not really, because the "male menopause" is much less of a thing than the menopause).
The 'male menopause' - NHS

Good for you, OP. Calling it a 'cafe' seems a tad patronising to me, but maybe I'm reading in to it too much. I am all for men being included in education about the menopause, as in my experience most men are quite ignorant about it. They get the basics of menstruation at school, but very little else. However, that education shouldn't come at the expense of allowing women a space to themselves, as that's less of an awareness session and more for support.

Isn't it terrifying that people like this work in the NHS?

I wish I'd been bolder when my organisation brought out their menopause groups. One open to all and, because some people might feel intimidated in a mixed sex environment there was also a single sex group... for men. I kid you not.

How did the company present / seek to justify that? At face value it's absolutely extraordinary - was it pure gaslighting of the female employees? What did the 2 groups cover? Did the men talk about the "male menopause" or were they there because of their interest in the "female menopause"?

I got a man turfed out of a menopause talk at my trust a few years ago, he was a spotty earnest wellbeing manager and I til him I was uncomfortable with him being there . He replied that he though the ladies might need help
With the IT . The very able female gyne consultant put him straight :)

@Carriemac
The arrogance of some men is beyond belief!!

@Carriemac hopefully she managed a reference to banging the keyboard with her breasts until something worked…

Well done and thank you, OP. This is how we do it, just keep buggering on.

I don't know what they were thinking but it was presented just as I said, there was a recognition that some people wouldn't feel comfortable in the mixed sex group so a separate, single sex group would run for men. The impression I got was it was about the women in their lives experiencing the menopause and the single sex group meant that the men would feel comfortable asking questions. I was new and very scared about marking myself out and a little removed from the organisers since I worked for an agency based at the company. So I didn't say anything and I didn't attend. I don't know how it's going now but perhaps I should ask.

Yes that is I think the intention @StripeySuperNova but it is not very clear. But surely if men can support the women in their lives around menopause then women should be offered the same opportunity around challenges in the health of men. Rather than men couldn’t possibly be expected to talk about mental health, enlarged prostates or whatever with - horrified gasps women present. But vaginal dryness, flooding and sweating sure the lads are bound to make a comfortable atmosphere and lots of useful suggestions too I expect!

I have just hit peri and dear god the hot flushes are killing me. My employer has a menopause group which is female only but one member still suggested it could be opened up to people who are close to someone going through menopause! Errrm no when we are talking about what is best for managing some very intimate symptoms ! I do not want a man there even if his wife was menopausal, he needs to go away and do some reading and let those of us actually having to manage all of the joys of hormones have some space

The group lead did ask if we were comfortable with a transman joining which after a good pal of mine clarified she was referring to a person who is female was absolutely fine.

So I received a bounce back email stating “this inbox is regularly monitored we will get back to you” type of thing. Obviously they did not get back to me so I sent a nudge yesterday asking if they had had a chance to consider my email and mentioned I would discuss with departmental well-being lead.

Response from a named individual this time. “It is being discussed with more senior staff within Occupational Health and Staff Well-being” I will await further communication.

Well done!

Just a little update if anyone is still interested. In further email exchanges I have pointed out that not only is there no single sex women’s health group but there is also no all genders/mixed sex erectile dysfunction cafe! Therefore the sexes are not being treated equally. Work on staff engagement remains ongoing apparently - but not in any form visible to me 🤷‍♀️

FOI request sent in to ask about consultation with women before the group set up and attendance by age and sex.