Do you have an escape fund for your DD?

[VioletSpeedwell]

I've been thinking about my Aunt Dot this morning.

When I was in my early 20s she said to me "make sure you have a secret account, just in your name, with money in it so that if you ever need to leave your husband, you can."

I assumed she said this because she'd grown up in poverty with a violent father in the 30s and 40s.

Im 60 now with a daughter in her 20s. She's saving for a house deposit and I'm thinking of setting up an escape fund for her in case she ever needs to leave a man - not necessarily a violent one.

Anyone done this?

Soo many reasons. No decent solicitor would advise you to do this.

If you fall out with her you have lost your home - zero protection.

Likewise if she gets divorced. If she owns the house it’s in the table.

Lose your main residence nil rate band allowance.

You are still living there so it’s still part of your taxable estate for iht anyway.

Obvious deprivation of assets for care home assessment.

Mad.

She isn't going to be told
The house is worth 160k

We will obviously seek professional advice anyway

There are some groups that seem to have a problem with generational domestic violence. They seem to grow up with violence in the home and they tend to have partners with higher risks towards family violence. I guess if you are not from such communities, it’s going to seem extremely weird.

Who will tell you not to do it. If they are any good.

Oh and if someone “advises” you to put your house in a lifetime trust and pay them thousands - run !

If they advise us not to then we won't.
I'm not pay anyone 1000s of my money to do anything

No, and never had one for myself, but I now do see that it is good advice. Not necessarily to have an escape fund but to be financially secure yourself.
DH and I split 2.5y ago, I started divorce proceedings. The house and assets needed to be split 50/50, luckily due to my good job I’d have been able to buy DH out of the house. I can’t imagine having to go through a painful divorce and to deal with short finances too. Hats off to anyone who does that, they are stronger than me for sure. I never intended to live here long term, but would’ve moved on my terms and at a much slower pace.
It is interesting to do that for a child, but not quite sure why that wouldn’t be for a son too. They’re unlikely, though not impossible, to suffer domestic violence but I can see many instances where they’d benefit from the financial support too.

I think it’s very good advice. Year’s ago a friend of a friend told me she was saving up to leave her husband. I guess she must have as year’s later he dropped on my FB feed remarried.

Year’s ago when I wanted to leave my ex I had no money and two young children. I felt trapped and it’s one of the worst feelings in the world. Thankfully I did get to leave and go to my parents but I wish I’d had a fund.

Interesting. I thought the song was purely materialistic (will look at the lyrics).

Jewellery from high street jewellers will barely get you a train ticket to the next city (been there, done that, lost 90% of it’s retail price) but better than nothing if in a tight spot.

A small joint account with enough money to live on for three months in an emergency is not going to result in anyone losing their house or being accused on money-laundering. It's a security cushion.

I don’t know that the song itself has anything to do with it, but the idea that all girls are airheads because they just want pretty jewels, comes at least partly from this.

Oh don't be a twit.

Yes, my Grandmother gave me £6k when I got married in 2001 as an escape fund. She’d had 3 marriages (one very abusive) so I guess she knew what it was like to try and start over without one. I’ve thankfully never needed it, but I’ve had it sitting in various savings accounts over the years and I’ve added to it. DD if she ever needs it will have £20k to start over with. She knows it’s there if she ever needs to access it and it’s hidden from future partners.

It's sensible for everyone to have their own separate slush fund outside of any joint accounts - regardless of what it is intended for.

I tell my dd that she should never ever give up work and never to be reliant on anyone else.

If you think this is “mental”, then you have been very lucky in life.

I don’t think it’s anything to do with “groups” (rather bizarre insinuation there). It’s not even just or only to do with domestic violence - anyone who has known or grown up around women of older generations (and / or their children) who were financially trapped in unhappy marriages of any kind will know exactly why it’s important to be able to have the means to exit a situation that isn’t a good one.

My sister and I were always advised by our grandmother to always have our own bank account which I guess is akin to the same advice. She made sure we started driving as soon as we turned 17 and generally instilled the mantra that we must always stand on our 2 feet. We also had a good role model in our mum who is a very capable and independent woman. Good job really as unfortunately I did find myself in a toxic relationship, thank goodness I wasn't financially dependent on the prick.

In what way is it not legal? Pretty much everyone starts off with a solo account in their name only as a teenager! Whats different with keeping that as an adult?

I’ve got money put away that H knows nothing about. And if I had a DD then I’d advise her to do the same too.

No but I’d be fortune enough to give her money if she needed it. I have actually given money to my sister and a friend when they were leaving their other halves. Enough for them to put a deposit down on a rented property.

Also I was a SAHM, as it suited us but I only gave up my job knowing I did all household finances, so knew where all the money is. I wasn’t going to be reliant on a man “giving” me money, it was ALL shared.

I don’t have savings earmarked as that but I have always made
clear to them all if they ever need to come back, even with kids in tow, there will be room for them and we’ll make it work somehow.

If they needed money we’d
find it somehow.

My father has always encouraged having such a fund- for escaping a partner, a job

There is a generational and community dimension to domestic violence. If you grew up in a home with domestic violence, you are more likely to experience it yourself. This is not controversial, those who’ve not experienced it or seen it in their extended families will not really understand.

I have one, I refer to it as my "dignitas fund". Its the only money i dont share with my husband (although he knows about it and what it is for). You don't always know what you'll need to escape from!

No, but I've always offered a bolt hole, spare rooms and security to any of my nieces should they need it, with their children if relevant. They're all in late 20s, 30sa and 40s now, but the offer stands.

Its only the tax office that needs to know.