Yikes.
OK, so you're clearly not from the UK. That's OK but please bear in mind that you have come onto a UK based site where most users are from the UK and you have to be respectful of our culture. American cultural imperialism is not appreciated here.
are you looking for a space where men are absent as well as women, are are you looking for a communal space where women gather together but men are excluded
It depends on the context. When it comes to toilets and changing rooms, it's about safety and dignity. There is a much greater risk that we will be harmed in such spaces if men are present, and even if a man does not physically harm us, his presence may be distressing and cause many women to feel uncomfortable or self exclude.
The idea that such spaces should be segregated by sex is not actually controversial. It is the norm in basically all societies worldwide. It's why you now have so-called "bathroom bills" in your country. Because these sex segregated spaces exist everywhere and we all understand why people want and need them.
Until now, nobody has been suggesting that there is no need for these spaces to be single sex and they should all be made mixed sex, because the reality is that most people want them to remain single sex.
So what has changed?
Certainly not the safety and dignity aspect.
What has changed is that trans identifying men ("trans women") started demanding to be included in women's spaces, and now society is pushing back against that, the narrative is changing to "why do women even need their own spaces in the first place?"
Never mind that trans identifying men have been saying it is absolutely unthinkable for them to share such spaces with men. Now it is perfectly reasonable for everyone to share such spaces with men, apparently.
I can only conclude that the argument has shifted from, "If trans identifying men can't have women's spaces, women can't have them either."
I do find it interesting that you seem to think it is more legitimate for women to have spaces where they can speak and associate without men than to have spaces where they can use the toilet and get changed without men.
Firstly, I find this rather anti-feminist. As a strong, capable, confident woman, I have no problem talking to or speaking in front of men. But I don't generally want to take my clothes off in front of them.
And secondly, I assume you think that trans identifying men (trans women) should be included in such spaces along with women. Unfortunately, they have been socialised as men and they tend to dominate the conversation and mansplain as much as other men do. Including trans identifying men in a space designed for women to express themselves without being constantly talked over by men would very much defeat the point of that space existing.
Finally, I would say that as an American, you come from a profoundly misogynistic culture where women lack basic rights that they take for granted in the rest of the developed world. People who call themselves feminists in America do a lot of talking but never seem to achieve very much. So perhaps you should bear in mind that women in the UK have different expectations of feminism. The minimum level of basic respect and consideration that women believe they are entitled to is much higher in the UK than it is in the US. So before you judge British women for demanding things that you don't think women should be entitled to, perhaps consider the fact that you come from a country where most people don't consider women to be entitled to the most basic rights such as abortions and paid maternity leave, and consider whether perhaps it is American women who aren't demanding enough, rather than British women who are demanding too much.