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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Please help: going into school (secondary) to talk about PSHE provision, given Just Like Us are coming in to give a talk on LGBTQ+ relationships

78 replies

CyanExpert · 08/09/2025 11:51

Requesting help from the impressive FWR hive mind. Any advice on how to frame a discussion on PSHE provision at DC secondary school. Just Like Us are coming in to give a talk on LGBTQ+ relationships. I want to lodge a point that KCSIE seems to now say gender questioning (not trans) for kids and isn't LGB sexual orientation different from T identity? What about different perspectives eg LGB Alliance or Sex Matters - why just one point of view? I tend to be very fact driven and am looking for wording advice on how to sound less confrontational and more 'having a discussion'.

OP posts:
Hereforthecommentz · 07/10/2025 17:33

Hi sorry to derail and excuse my ignorance. Does this mean in secondary schools they have people coming in to talk about same sex relationships. My child is in secondary but at a catholic school so perhaps things are done differently. I know she's had conversations about this in pshe but no one coming in to push an agenda. She's said in their lessons with the teacher they were asked their opinions on things and are taught to be respectful of others choices but they don't have to agree with them (most don't as it doesn't align with their faith). I would take my child out of these sessions if people are pushing an agenda your not happy with and I assume you have this option.

CyanExpert · 07/10/2025 17:58

Hereforthecommentz · 07/10/2025 17:33

Hi sorry to derail and excuse my ignorance. Does this mean in secondary schools they have people coming in to talk about same sex relationships. My child is in secondary but at a catholic school so perhaps things are done differently. I know she's had conversations about this in pshe but no one coming in to push an agenda. She's said in their lessons with the teacher they were asked their opinions on things and are taught to be respectful of others choices but they don't have to agree with them (most don't as it doesn't align with their faith). I would take my child out of these sessions if people are pushing an agenda your not happy with and I assume you have this option.

There is govt guidance about the content of PSHE/RSE education at school - for example, see:
Relationships Education, Relationships and Sex Education and Health Education guidance

https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/68b8499e11b4ded2da19fd92/Relationships_education__relationships_and_sex_education_and_health_education_-_statutory_guidance.pdf

OP posts:
CyanExpert · 07/10/2025 18:00

Particularly relevant guidance (which my child's school is absolutely not following):
Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender content 67. As above, pupils should understand the importance of equality and respect throughout their education. They should learn about all protected characteristics, including sexual orientation and gender reassignment, by the end of their secondary education. 68. We strongly encourage primary schools to teach about healthy loving relationships, and to include same-sex parents along with other family arrangements when discussing families. At secondary school, there should be an equal opportunity to explore the features of stable and healthy same-sex relationships, and secondary schools should ensure that this content is integrated into RSHE programmes of study rather than delivered as a standalone unit or lesson. Schools should ensure that they cover all the facts about sexual health, including STIs, in a way that is relevant for all pupils, including those who are lesbian, gay, bisexual and/or gender questioning. 69. Pupils should also be taught the facts and the law about biological sex and gender reassignment. This should recognise that people have legal rights by virtue of their biological sex which are different from the rights of those of the opposite sex with the protected characteristic of gender reassignment. Pupils should also be taught to recognise that people with the protected characteristic of gender reassignment, as with the other protected characteristics, have protection from discrimination and should be treated with respect and dignity. 70. In teaching this, schools should be mindful that beyond the facts and the law about biological sex and gender reassignment there is significant debate, and they should be careful not to endorse any particular view or teach it as fact. For example, they should not teach as fact that all people have a gender identity. Schools should avoid language and 13 Equality Act provisions in relation to schools are in Part 6, Chapter 1. Independent schools that are not academies are not subject to the PSED. 36 activities which repeat or enforce gender stereotypes. Schools should be mindful to avoid any suggestion that social transition is a simple solution to feelings of distress or discomfort. 71. Schools should encourage young people to consider how to express their views while remaining respectful of the opinions of others. Schools should be clear that bullying or disrespectful language or behaviour is never appropriate. 72. Where schools decide to use external resources, they should avoid materials that use cartoons or diagrams that oversimplify this topic, that could be interpreted as being aimed at younger children, or that perpetuate stereotypes or encourage pupils to question their gender. Schools should consult parents on the content of external resources on this topic in advance and make all materials available to them on request as set out in the section on openness with parents. Religion and belief, including teaching in schools with a religious character 73. RSHE should be sensitive to the religious background of pupils, and schools must ensure they comply with the relevant provisions of the Equality Act 2010, under which religion or belief are amongst the protected characteristics. 74. All schools may teach about faith perspectives on these topics. In particular, schools with a religious character may teach their distinctive faith perspective on relationships, and balanced debate may take place about issues that are contentious. For example, the school may wish to reflect on faith teachings about certain topics as well as how their faith institutions may support people in matters of relationships and sex. Schools should be clear when they are delivering content that reflects religious belief.

OP posts:
Dragonasaurus · 07/10/2025 18:25

CyanExpert · 07/10/2025 16:59

If you can face it, would you consider sending an email to the admissions dept of the school, saying exactly this point? You don't even need to elaborate any further. The more of us that can gently push back, the better. (I fully appreciate this may not be possible; I just speak for myself that I've felt better now I'm actually talking to the school about this and feeling like I might, in some tiny way, be making a difference).

I’d extend this to any school/university anyone is considering for/with their child. The more people ask the admissions department about their position on women’s rights wrt single sex spaces etc the better. No educational org wants to think they are putting off prospective parents/students, especially if those emails start to stack up!

TheFallenMadonna · 07/10/2025 18:56

CyanExpert · 07/10/2025 17:58

There is govt guidance about the content of PSHE/RSE education at school - for example, see:
Relationships Education, Relationships and Sex Education and Health Education guidance

This guidance is for September 2026. We are currently working on our RSHE curriculum and policy to ensure it is compliant, but we haven't finished that work yet.
Regarding withdrawing from lessons, you can request withdrawal from sex education (which describes sexual activity) but not relationships education.

There is also a section on how schools should communicate and work with parents.

Hereforthecommentz · 07/10/2025 19:20

CyanExpert · 07/10/2025 18:00

Particularly relevant guidance (which my child's school is absolutely not following):
Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender content 67. As above, pupils should understand the importance of equality and respect throughout their education. They should learn about all protected characteristics, including sexual orientation and gender reassignment, by the end of their secondary education. 68. We strongly encourage primary schools to teach about healthy loving relationships, and to include same-sex parents along with other family arrangements when discussing families. At secondary school, there should be an equal opportunity to explore the features of stable and healthy same-sex relationships, and secondary schools should ensure that this content is integrated into RSHE programmes of study rather than delivered as a standalone unit or lesson. Schools should ensure that they cover all the facts about sexual health, including STIs, in a way that is relevant for all pupils, including those who are lesbian, gay, bisexual and/or gender questioning. 69. Pupils should also be taught the facts and the law about biological sex and gender reassignment. This should recognise that people have legal rights by virtue of their biological sex which are different from the rights of those of the opposite sex with the protected characteristic of gender reassignment. Pupils should also be taught to recognise that people with the protected characteristic of gender reassignment, as with the other protected characteristics, have protection from discrimination and should be treated with respect and dignity. 70. In teaching this, schools should be mindful that beyond the facts and the law about biological sex and gender reassignment there is significant debate, and they should be careful not to endorse any particular view or teach it as fact. For example, they should not teach as fact that all people have a gender identity. Schools should avoid language and 13 Equality Act provisions in relation to schools are in Part 6, Chapter 1. Independent schools that are not academies are not subject to the PSED. 36 activities which repeat or enforce gender stereotypes. Schools should be mindful to avoid any suggestion that social transition is a simple solution to feelings of distress or discomfort. 71. Schools should encourage young people to consider how to express their views while remaining respectful of the opinions of others. Schools should be clear that bullying or disrespectful language or behaviour is never appropriate. 72. Where schools decide to use external resources, they should avoid materials that use cartoons or diagrams that oversimplify this topic, that could be interpreted as being aimed at younger children, or that perpetuate stereotypes or encourage pupils to question their gender. Schools should consult parents on the content of external resources on this topic in advance and make all materials available to them on request as set out in the section on openness with parents. Religion and belief, including teaching in schools with a religious character 73. RSHE should be sensitive to the religious background of pupils, and schools must ensure they comply with the relevant provisions of the Equality Act 2010, under which religion or belief are amongst the protected characteristics. 74. All schools may teach about faith perspectives on these topics. In particular, schools with a religious character may teach their distinctive faith perspective on relationships, and balanced debate may take place about issues that are contentious. For example, the school may wish to reflect on faith teachings about certain topics as well as how their faith institutions may support people in matters of relationships and sex. Schools should be clear when they are delivering content that reflects religious belief.

Thank you that is very helpful.

CyanExpert · 08/10/2025 14:11

Latest update - and I am posting this for encouragement for others who might be considering speaking up to their school - the Head of Safeguarding was respectful and listening, interested in my perspective (highlighting failures of school to follow statutory requirements on how PSHE is taught and safeguarding issues that flow that). She shared the school is reviewing PSHE curriculum this year and will be incorporating my feedback (including feeding up to Governors), re-thinking the use of external providers, and including parent views in the PSHE provision. She's agreed I should speak to the Head, and is setting up a meeting. So I came away feeling positive. So I am still with a battle to fight, but at least they are listening.

OP posts:
SingleSexSpacesInSchools · 08/10/2025 14:51

CyanExpert · 08/10/2025 14:11

Latest update - and I am posting this for encouragement for others who might be considering speaking up to their school - the Head of Safeguarding was respectful and listening, interested in my perspective (highlighting failures of school to follow statutory requirements on how PSHE is taught and safeguarding issues that flow that). She shared the school is reviewing PSHE curriculum this year and will be incorporating my feedback (including feeding up to Governors), re-thinking the use of external providers, and including parent views in the PSHE provision. She's agreed I should speak to the Head, and is setting up a meeting. So I came away feeling positive. So I am still with a battle to fight, but at least they are listening.

Good news. Did you ask them to make these commitments in writing?

CyanExpert · 08/10/2025 17:24

SingleSexSpacesInSchools · 08/10/2025 14:51

Good news. Did you ask them to make these commitments in writing?

Yes. They committed to sending an email with an agreement of what we discussed.

OP posts:
SingleSexSpacesInSchools · 08/10/2025 17:26

CyanExpert · 08/10/2025 17:24

Yes. They committed to sending an email with an agreement of what we discussed.

You absolute legend well done!

BonfireLady · 08/10/2025 20:20

SingleSexSpacesInSchools · 08/10/2025 17:26

You absolute legend well done!

Definitely! 💪💪💪💪❤️

MrsOvertonsWindow · 08/10/2025 22:41

Fantastic OP. Well done.

CyanExpert · 13/11/2025 17:12

Final update. Met with the Head, and repeated points previously made to Head of Pastoral. Head was very much onboard with everything I said, understood how the ground has shifted over the last 5 years and maybe the PSHE provision hasn't kept up with this. Really positive meeting and I felt that the school is listening. I post this to encourage others that a) maybe the world is changing and b) speak up to your school, it might make a difference!

OP posts:
Akela64 · 13/11/2025 17:43

Well done Op. An inspiration.

bluenova · 13/11/2025 21:08

This is very encouraging. I have been in communication with my daughters school and our a presentation by a representative of “just like us”. They appear very reluctant to share any detail of the presentation (it seemed to go over my daughter’s head anyway!)
Instead of asking for asking for reassurance I am going to ask for change. Transparency and consultation to start with. And I am going to use “the landscape has changed” excellent angle. It’s a hard slog and they are very very slow to reply to my emails.

CyanExpert · 14/11/2025 08:05

bluenova · 13/11/2025 21:08

This is very encouraging. I have been in communication with my daughters school and our a presentation by a representative of “just like us”. They appear very reluctant to share any detail of the presentation (it seemed to go over my daughter’s head anyway!)
Instead of asking for asking for reassurance I am going to ask for change. Transparency and consultation to start with. And I am going to use “the landscape has changed” excellent angle. It’s a hard slog and they are very very slow to reply to my emails.

DM me if you want, I can share exactly what I said (and with paragraph references to the KCSiE and PSHE guidance!). Just Like Us would allow the school to share the slides with me, either - I think they are cagey about stuff getting into the public domain.

OP posts:
AnSolas · 14/11/2025 08:12

No school service provider should be allowed to refuse to share their teaching materials or aids with the parents. It is secret keeping which should be a red flag to the school itself.

PS well done OP👍

SingleSexSpacesInSchools · 14/11/2025 08:46

CyanExpert · 14/11/2025 08:05

DM me if you want, I can share exactly what I said (and with paragraph references to the KCSiE and PSHE guidance!). Just Like Us would allow the school to share the slides with me, either - I think they are cagey about stuff getting into the public domain.

I am not sure they can legally refuse any more? (To share materials)

CyanExpert · 15/11/2025 13:20

SingleSexSpacesInSchools · 14/11/2025 08:46

I am not sure they can legally refuse any more? (To share materials)

The school was happy for me to see them, but refused to email them on to me. I think you are correct that they can't refuse. I guess I could have fought it, but my bigger picture goal was to make sure they don't use Just Like Us again!

OP posts:
MrsOvertonsWindow · 15/11/2025 13:44

it's great to see parents demanding that schools share materials from queer theory lobby groups. They have no business targeting children. Sex change / queer theory are adult concepts with children both intellectually and emotionally unable to fully comprehend the varied aspects of these adult, sexually based ideologies.

They've only been able to galight and groom children to this extent by keeping parents in the dark about what the materials and what they're saying.

Well done again to the OP and every parent challenging schools about this. Flowers

SingleSexSpacesInSchools · 15/11/2025 13:50

CyanExpert · 15/11/2025 13:20

The school was happy for me to see them, but refused to email them on to me. I think you are correct that they can't refuse. I guess I could have fought it, but my bigger picture goal was to make sure they don't use Just Like Us again!

It’s your call totally get it. But if they are afraid to email them it seems they have something to hide!

SingleSexSpacesInSchools · 15/11/2025 14:28

oldtiredcyclist · 15/11/2025 14:01

First of all, well done OP for contacting the school. I had never heard of "Just like us", so Googled them and the first hit revealed this. The first paragraph includes this.

"obstacles accessing healthcare such as puberty blockers"

https://www.exeterpride.co.uk/heritage-blog/visiting-schools-1

Hmm. I wouldn’t even want my kids in the same town as those guys.

Bluebootsgreenboots · 15/11/2025 15:02

It’s quite standard that teaching materials can be viewed in school but not emailed - they’re intellectual property, either of the school or another entity so can’t be forwarded on. So this doesn’t necessarily reflect on the school’s confidence in the message.

MrsOvertonsWindow · 15/11/2025 15:39

Bluebootsgreenboots · 15/11/2025 15:02

It’s quite standard that teaching materials can be viewed in school but not emailed - they’re intellectual property, either of the school or another entity so can’t be forwarded on. So this doesn’t necessarily reflect on the school’s confidence in the message.

Maybe not. But it's an immense red flag if a school is using queer theory / tr5ans lobby groups for input into SRE / PSHE for children

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