When did "deadnaming" become a thing?

[Charabanc]

I've been pondering how it's become accepted that "deadnaming" someone is some kind of heinous crime, akin to literal genocide.

When did this come about? Was it via Stonewall? It's not a term I recall from years back, it seems quite recent.

Somehow they decided that it wasn't allowed, and all the DEI lot fell in with it. Like pronouns, I guess. I'm a bit fed up of having to follow their 'rules'.

(Thoughts inspired by SP's naming of Mr Weddell)

Charabanc

Yup, and a disgraced ex Tory ex jailbird, some shady solicitors and the like!

I think the drama is coming from you. In reality it just isn't a problem unless you choose it to be. Call people their preferred name, problem over.

I don't think it's obvious that a parent should use the trans name of their child - it can be emotionally incredibly hard to do so. It is also ridiculous when referring to the pre-trans-identity child, and a really nasty thing to demand of a parent. Changed names here, but for me to refer to my son Matthew as Mathilda is very painful. For me to be forced to reminisce about my baby son Mathilda is abusive.

It's not about using a preferred name, it's viewing any use of or reference to the person's previous name as a heinous crime, as PPs have explained. It's ridiculous and simply a method of controlling others and in some circumstances obfuscating sex.

Who gives a shit really. Live and let live. Call them what they want and in the extremely teeny tiny percentage of statistics that it becomes an event, officially I don't know. If you are that anal keep a diary of everytime you address a trans person.
Or live your life and try your best to call people what they want to be called.

Any thoughts on this earlier pst?

Any look at the trans widow threads will show you how often wives struggle massively with husbands transitioning and how their husbands bully them and sometimes their children into using their new name

or do the women and their needs just not matter at all?

do you think children should be made to call the man they've always called their dad, their mum? Do you think women who've been married for 30 years to 'Dave' who now wants to be called Davina should just forget all of that as long as Dave's happy?

I don't know. When I was at uni there was actually someone transgender on the alumni list and it was just along the lines of "Tom previously known as Susan". Nobody objected. It's probably changed now which is a shame as for all we know they were happy to have this "deadname" mentioned as part of their history.

Edit - I left in 2012.

I think that would be the least of their worries.
Maybe if society didn't push these people into a pretence they wouldn't have to do the whole pretend family straight thing out of shame?

Why don't you read the thread referred to and come back and discuss it when you are ready?

Anyway although I never met them I feel a bit sorry for transgender Tom" (names changed as I didn't want to be outing) as I always included them in my tours for prospective students. Now their old name "Susan" has been erased by part of recent TRA ideology without their consent.

It definitely came after the Gender Recognition Act. That was about the right to privacy and for transgender 'acquired gender' to be legally recognised.

lol thanks for proving you have no empathy for anyone except TRA. Clearly not worth engaging with again

It’s another attempt to lock down the surreal pretence that we all are now coerced into playing along with.

So it's very important that we all declare our own self-determined identity and force others to use our preferred words for ourselves - except these women? They're not allowed to choose their own descriptor?

Maybe if society didn't push these people into a pretence they wouldn't have to do the whole pretend family straight thing out of shame?

Well...if that's not the finest example of DARVO on a pogo stick, I dont know what is!

It's them who try to push the entirety of society into a pretence.

My friend’s son chose a new name because he didn’t like the name he’d been given. He did not ever want to be deadnamed. Hated it. Not trans. Just hated it.

the whole pretend family straight thing

The empathy for the wife and kids in this scenario having their entire world turned upside down just drips off the page.

As well as expecting them to rewrite their own history/memories and in the case of the wife, their sexuality, or be condemned by the 'be kind!!!' drones.

Just drips off.

Did he refer to it as being deadnamed?

Right yeah but if your name has been Rebecca for 30 years and then overnight you announce it's now Becky, you can't spend the rest of forever being furious and claiming it's a hate crime if people slip up sometimes.

'Deadnaming' is specifically the term for using the previous name for someone before they transitioned. It is not for anyone who changes name.

A quick look at Reddit and someone else asks if they can use the term 'deadname' and no.

Of course people who change their name may be extremely upset and have very important reasons to change their name. I.e. someone doesn't want to be named after someone who abused them.

Sources: Oxford Dictionary and Reddit.

Calling their name given to them at birth a “dead name” is such a loaded term to use though, it implies the person who they were is completely gone. Can you not see how distressing that might be for a family member who loved them as they were before they came out as trans?

If you have a younger child or adolescent who has their old name referred to in that way, it might make it harder walk back their transition if they’re having doubts, because it has been implied by the term “dead name” that their old self is “essentially dead”. Dr Cass noted that socially transitioning isn’t a neutral act referring to their name registered at both as a “dead name” implies it’s final and they can’t go back.

I understand it can be distressing for someone who identifies as trans to think of their old identity and I am sympathetic to them, but they don’t have a monopoly of hurt feelings and distress, and so their families feeling shouldn’t be breezily dismissed.

Yeah i know its awful for everyone. But maybe with more acceptance this scenario wouldn't have been a thing people a forced into in the first place.

Agree.
I have fairly short name, so it’s not often shortened but it happens, and I hate the shortened version. It’s irritating but not all that important.

We have probably met. The Doll was one of my haunts in the early to mid 90s.

Sums it up nicely

In the same friendship group that my DH has know for 30+ years and me for 25+ years we have the following: 'Maryann' who changed her name to 'Annabel' 10 years ago (fairly soon after her parents died because she didn't want to hurt them but changing her name when they were living) but had always preferred the second half of her name but found it always got shortened to the first half. 'Nigel' who changed his name 'Julie' on transition at about the same time as Mary become Ann. A slight late comer to the group who was misheard on her initial introduction who has politely answered to 'Lilly' when she is actually called 'Tilly' who used the sudden influx of new names to out that we had called her the wrong name for a decade.

'Tilly' and 'Ann' are both fine with people forgetting their name changes or refering to them by their 'old' name when talking about something that happened in the past when they were exclusively known by their old name. 'Julie' will tolerate no use of 'Nigel' even in the context of tales of epic stag does/ lads weekends etc. where Julie seems totally incongruous and is usually not speaking to someone because they have been 'attacked' by them i.e. called by the name they were known by for decades.