When did "deadnaming" become a thing?

[Charabanc]

I've been pondering how it's become accepted that "deadnaming" someone is some kind of heinous crime, akin to literal genocide.

When did this come about? Was it via Stonewall? It's not a term I recall from years back, it seems quite recent.

Somehow they decided that it wasn't allowed, and all the DEI lot fell in with it. Like pronouns, I guess. I'm a bit fed up of having to follow their 'rules'.

(Thoughts inspired by SP's naming of Mr Weddell)

😂😂❤️

If a colleague persisted in calling me a name after I had told them not to. It's deliberate and considered bullying in the workplace

It’s a disgusting term, especially when used with regards to parents. No one has died.

Yes I’d forgotten about that aspect too, I remember listening to the lady that founded the charity children of transitioners and she said when her dad transitioned it was like her dad had died. When she accidentally called him by his old name he would get incredibly angry with her even though she was just a child and it wasn’t intentional. I don’t know if he specifically referred to it as her dead naming him though, I wonder if calling it that is a more recent thing that’s evolved.

It’s the usual manipulation of language for their own ends (very successful it’s been too, thanks to Stonewall et al, and be kind).

I expect it started around the same time as ‘transwoman’ was deemed suitable to describe a, well, man. Etc.

That is a different issue If the wife accepts his change then I'm certain they would call them by their new name.

Yes, agreed.

I will always call people by the name they choose (assuming my increasingly terrible memory will allow me to remember it. I have an increasing habit of referring to everyone as ‘sir’ or ‘ma’am’ in a desperate attempt to avoid admitting I’ve forgotten the name they told me 30 seconds ago).

The idea of a ‘deadname’ is incredibly silly, as though it’s a life and death issue. Like many people I have had a range of surnames and first names/nicknames in life. Someone calling me Mrs Always/Matilda doesn’t invalidate my identity as Ms Temporary/Mattie.

It has to be said that there are quite a lot of threads on here furious at MILs who insist on addressing Christmas cards to Mrs John Permanent as opposed to actual chosen name of Dr Mattie Temporary. I get that names do matter and think getting all GC on someone deciding to have a new name only causes all parties to dig in their heels.

It’s attention seeking extremism from a group of people with such limited awareness that they can go around and hold a sign like “Queers for Palestine”

I guarantee that these people who use terms like “literal genicide” couldn’t name an actual genocide.

And if they don't?? Any look at the trans widow threads will show you how often wives struggle massively with husbands transitioning and how their husbands bully them and sometimes theur children into using their new name

or do the women and their needs just not matter at all?

The whole concept is such a tell that genderism is a man thing.

Until very recently all women changed their official name on marriage, but their original name was used by friends and on birth and death notices. People who changed their name on entering a religious order likewise. Also, in Ireland it is not unusual for people to change from the English to the Irish form (or vice versa) of their name for official purposes. So I know many people, most but not all women, who have used several names over their lifetimes, continue to respond to old acquaintance who use the ones they first knew them by, and don't associate any of the changes with 'death' or use them to coerce and control those around them.

'deadname' = controlling crybully. Laugh at anyone who uses it.

btw, obviously people should use the name a person prefers. But don't pretend their failure to do so is akin to murder.

A good summary of gender identitarianism.

But if your name was Rebecca and you insisted on Becky, and a newspaper reported you as “Rebecca who goes by Becky”, or someone at work said “Becky, you know Rebecca Jones” presumably you wouldn’t find that rude or disrespectful.

It would be rude or disrespectful if someone insisted on calling me my maiden name even though I took my husband’s name on marriage. But it’s not disrespectful to use my maiden name to help people understand who I am.

Deadnaming prevents this. “Elliot Page, used to be called Ellen Page” is a sensible elaboration. Saying Bruce Jenner won Olympic medals is also not offensive. Calling Caitlin Jenner Bruce in person might be.

The attitude towards deadnaming stops people using the old name even in a useful or important context.

If you can prove it's deliberate, sure. If it's just accidental because it's not as big a deal to others as it is to you, then I would question who is the one who is being intolerant

Christmas cards addressed to my married surname don't bother me, but cheques are problematic as I don't have a bank account in that name!

Alongside the maiden surname I actually use, there are two others I could potentially use. And I'm known by two completely different first names, one of which is unusual, so people get it hilariously wrong. I gave up caring about it years ago.

Well, yes, that is rather the point I was trying to make.

Isn't it the point though that they never wanted to be Rosie in the first place? So why would they want to.keep being reminded of it?

"Dead name" is kind of like other cults/religions with "born again" rhetoric.

It's not something I could cope with in my marriage so if they didn't accept it they have a choice to stay or leave. If they choose to stay and accept the "female" them they accept it all , if they don't, the marriage breaks up

But they were Rosie. At least known by it. Like I was known by my first husbands surname for a while. It’s not a deadname, even if the marriage is definitely pining for the fjords.

I know Merry - wanted to back you up. I find the handwaving away of the feelings of wives/partners/children in that situation snd how pressure is brought to bear on them not just by their husbands but by society at large "oh but she's living her authentic life, how can you not be supportive?!" so incredibly disrespectful and lacking in empathy

It's calling a man who thinks he's a woman/a woman who thinks she's a man, the name they were given by their parents/carers etc when they were small i.e. the name on their birth certificate, rather than their new name in their preferred 'gender'. So Sam is now Sally and it's nasty to call him 'Sam'. It's polite.
However, all this becomes less about politeness and more about truth when crimes are committed (e.g. the transwoman who killed 2 children and injured 17 other people in Minnesota) or when 'transwomen' are trying - illegally in the UK - to enter women's sex segregated spaces.
I will call Sam 'Sally' if that's what he wants - I will not, if asked, say he is a woman and I won't refer to him as a woman out of his hearing (though I may be circumspect in some situations where outing that I am GC will cost me something I like doing - which is forced compliance, of course, and abusive and I object to it).

"I know Merry - wanted to back you up."

Thanks - wasn't objecting to the back up, just exasperated that the point required further explanation!

And children? More often than not some kind of relationship is necessary after divorce.