My neighbour is convinced I'm in love with them

[Andoutcomethewolves]

My neighbour is a 'transwoman' (I'm using the quotation marks as they're basically a bearded bloke in a dress). They're VERY predatory towards women. Now the latest thing is they've decided I'm in love with them and that's why my DH doesn't talk to them (he has very valid reasons not to, they've tried to set up sexual situations with three of his closest female friends who are gay or bi). But I have to walk past their flat every day to get to work or the shop and they always come out winking and leering at me to try and get me to join them for a cider or something. I know they've had 'pyjama parties' with other neighbours who are quite vulnerable.

This is actually making me uncomfortable to leave my flat and I don't know how to deal with it. Help? Not really sure what I'm asking but they rant at me about being transphobic if I don't reciprocate their advances. Wondering if I should report (we're in HA housing)

I’ll warn you now that this thread is likely to end up screenshotted all over social.

Just tell him that as a straight woman, you’re not interested in women and that the reason your DH is not talking to him is that you’ve banned your DH from talking to other women. He can’t come back at that as you’re “validating his identity”.

Document everything and report to the police his sexual harassment of you.

OP report to the HA. Tell the individual firmly next time they try to engage with you “I do not wish to speak to you. Leave me alone.”

If they ignore your wishes, contact the police on the non-emergency line and log it. Each and every time log it. Make no reference to this person’s gender presentation when you speak to the police, just their name or ‘the person/individual’.

Harassment is wrong. I’m sorry you’re experiencing this.

Not really bothered, this is a horrible person. They've done all kinds of messed up stuff, including booking a double room with a neighbour who'd clearly asked for two rooms when they went to a political conference (God knows why she went with him) and saying ooh, we'll see what happens. Oh and asking me and DH to make ourselves scarse from our own flat to 'see what happens' with him and DH''s bestie

Report to HA, yes. I would also be recording and noting down all the incidents and reporting to police if it doesn't stop.

Stop talking to them and keep records of the harassment and how you feel. Keep involving the HA and also consider whether to involve the police; they may enjoy the drama of a complaint.

Report him to HA and to Police each and every time. This a man harassing a woman. Doesn't matter if he's in a dress or not. Ignore him completely, it may be difficult but don't acknowledge him, don't answer him, don't engage with him at all.

He is obviously a very unwell person, howeever he presents himself
Just ignore and if he ramps up his behaviour consider reporting for harrasment. Maybe keep a diary as well

How would you respond if he didn’t wear a frock? What would your advice be to someone dealing with this from any other man? Put his trans identity to one side. Document. If possible get others to document. Report. Stay safe.

Are you being serious? I find it increasingly hard to know on these threads. I also don't get why it's always bearded transwomen, surely a transwomen would shave their beard off.

I would buy one of those v loud horns and sound it everyone he tries to engage you. And headphones on etc . Do not speak just blast him every time and otherwise ignore.

I'm sorry to hear of your experience op. His gender identity really isn't important apart from his using it to accuse women who aren't interested in him of 'transphobia' He's really just a nasty old fashioned letch. As others have said log the incidents. Make it clear that you aren't interested - women have a tendency to try and be nice and let men down gently. You have to say: 'no I'm not interested and if you carry on talking to me I will report you for harassment.' Log that interaction and any further interactions. When/if you report him keep it neutral - use his name and what he said only. If he's harassing other women you could submit a joint complaint.

Which bit? Yes I am being serious. They have long hair (unwashed and unkempt) a beard and a very obvious 'package' especially in the tight dresses. No make up or anything feminine (not that make up is necessary for women, I don't wear it, I just mean all this man does to appear womanly is the dresses).

He's previously spoken to me about how hard PMT is 'for us girls' and how hard it is to dress his childbearing hips. He's completely delusional

If this is real, why are you even talking to this person?

He's autistic and I think that's why I've made allowances. But at this point I think he's just a predator and a twat.

My DH completely blanks him every time he tries to talk to him and I think that may be the way to go

It doesn't really matter what he is/isn't.
You may well be falling prey to the "be kind" conditioning that many women are subject to

What can the HA do? They can’t evict a bloke for wearing a dress. Once the tenancy is given it’s his for as long as he wants it. The police might be able to have a word re harassment though

Because he comes out of his flat to try and get my attention every time I walk past, which I have to do to leave the block. It's like he's sitting there just waiting for me (or other more vulnerable neighbours) to walk by so he can intercept

I think I'm just being too polite and should follow my DHs lead by blanking!

Sounds like he needs a mental health intervention if this is true. Sorry it just sounds so bizarre. I don't think wearing dresses has anything to do with it tbh, he's unwell and you should steer clear.

Forget the trans identity as @BackToLurk says treat this as you would any other neighbour causing issues. Keep records of any instances of harassment, get a ring doorbell so you can record any problems on your door step, make a note of times dates and witnesses. Don’t engage and don’t give him any ammunition to accuse you of harassment or verbal abuse. I know it isn’t always possible but if you can move, I had a serious issue with a neighbour and I was adamant I shouldn’t have to move in the end I did and I wish I did it from day one.

Oh trust me I don't believe in be kind, it's bollox. I was just trying to be polite to a new neighbour (we've been here 6 years, he's been here 1). But he's clearly taken it entirely the wrong way

Report him to HA and to Police each and every time. This a man harassing a woman. Doesn't matter if he's in a dress or not.

Surely the issue is that it’s harassment, full stop? The gender of those involved isn’t relevant here.

If you can’t leave without him coming out could you be on your phone every time you leave, that way you have a ‘reason’ for not speaking to him, but yes report as harassment and keep a log, he sounds unwell and may need mental health intervention.

I agree about the mental health support. And no, before anyone suggests it, I’m not making excuses for him. It can be true both that someone is not getting the mental health support they need and that their subsequent behaviour is unacceptable and unsettling for others.