Inappropriate kids boo for Christmas

[PearlCritic]

My neighbours invited us over for a Christmas drink and gave my 4 year old daughter Juno Dawson’s children’s book You Need to Chill as a Christmas gift. To summarise it’s a picture book showing a little girl missing her brother and looking for him only for him to reappear as her ‘sister’ at the end. I hadn’t seen the book when it was gifted and my husband read it at bedtime for my 6 year old son and my daughter without realising the content. It’s the second time we have ended up inadvertently having kids books pushing gender ideology at bedtime (the other from the library) mainly because my husband hasn’t been vetting what he’s reading but also how is it this hard to avoid for kids this young? The neighbours are really lovely and the wife who would have picked the gift is an early childhood educator so while I want to believe it was an accidental pick, can I ignore the strange content? What would you do?

I can’t seem to edit the title, should say book not boo

I'd probably do exactly what I do when anyone pushes unwanted ideology on me, i.e. when MIL gives the kids JW religious books, which is to just bin it and never speak of it again. If it became a persistent thing with repeated "gifts" from the same person pushing the gender ideology I'd say something like, "we don't believe in pushing gender ideology on children".

Other than just quietly drop the book off at a charity shop, I wouldn't do anything.
You don't want to start a political divide with someone you like.
I'd definitely see them in a different light though.

I'd 'lose' the book - and if asked tell both DD and neighbours that it had gone missing, but that it wasn't a very interesting story. I'd also educate my husband.

Given the wide and varied range of subject matter in kids books, this particular book topic seems like a rather specific choice. I wouldn’t buy a book dealing with a sensitive topic like that for a friend’s child because, to me, that topic in a book aimed at very young children feels a bit proselytising.

If you don’t want to keep the book don’t feel you have to. And perhaps have a chat with your husband about paying more attention to the books he chooses to read as this topic doesn’t seem to be on his radar at the moment.

I wouldn't worry unduly that he read it to them. They probably won't ask for it again. Loads of children's books have magical transformation stories in them. They will probably think a sister disappearing then turning into a brother is like the frog who turned into a prince or the baby who turned into a dragon or whatever.

It was not an accidental pick. Just bin it.

Don’t give it to the charity shop as you don’t want someone else to read it. Just recycle it in the bin.

I would just bin it.
All kids are going to come across this ideology at some point, most kids are pretty straightforward about the realities and the science so I don't think it will confuse them, they'll very likely understand it's a work of fiction and not think anymore about it.
Kids books are almost entirely full of events and characters (like talking animals) that don't actually exist, it's good for their imagination, but they know the difference between what happens in books compared to real life.
They will also be likely going to school/clubs with children who have changed genders, they will come across this, it's not something that can be avoided forever, so might be worth keeping the book but also buying them books which can give them an alternative view on switching genders and whether that is possible and the difference between gender and sex.

It's a safeguarding issue now that anyone can identify as female and therefore enter 'safe' spaces, so you'll need to give them guidance how to use their instincts and prevent themselves being brainwashed into vulnerable situations

My post didn't really make much sense, but hopefully you know what I'm trying to say!

Please bin it. And remind your DH always check a new book before reading.

don’t worry too much about reading it once @SereneCapybara is right that it’s a bit like frog turning into a princess

Even the name annoys me. Too much like “Calm down dear.” Typical it’s a man writing it about a girl.

I’d echo those saying please get rid of it and not by sending it somewhere that someone else might buy it.

If I were going to buy a picture book as a present I would always read it first. It's not like it takes a long time to read the average picture book or short chapter book for a very young child, and I'd want to check what the illustrations were like as well as the text. I would expect someone who works in education to do the same, but I suppose she might just have been buying lots of presents and picked up lots of things without much thought or scrutiny of the content. Some gift-givers do have a 'That'll do for X' mentality.

[Still scarred by some very lacklustre gifts given to my children by a close relative long ago, which to me looked very much like what was left when they'd doled out all the other contents of a Book People 'bargain' bag, i.e. all the stuff left over in the warehouse from the previous Christmas. It's only been a quarter of a century. Perhaps in another 25 years I'll have let this one go.]

I agree. I would not pass the book on to another child as I think it's inappropriate.

This struck me on the title too. It is saying to kids that they should definitely be suppressing their instinct that something is wrong. I am attaching a page from the book showing the trans “supporters” that actually are holding signs saying ‘Calm Down’ and ‘Don’t be silly’. It is so horrible!

OMG that page. 🤢

I think I agree with most of you that the bin is the best place for this. I won’t mention it to my neighbour but it does make me view them differently. She has previously given books as gifts to my kids that have been very thoughtful and maybe not that easy to find. Some of my kid’s favourites in fact. So it’s hard for me to think it was accidental.

My husband is aware of this issue but has thought that my concerns are disproportionate up until now. Coming across 2 books in this way has made him understand that this is an issue that will directly affect us one way or another.

Thank you all for your responses!

I wouldn't drop it off at a charity shop (where it will eventually find its way to more children who could be harmed by it).

I would drop it in the bath.

I’m convinced some of this stuff is going to be collectable down the track when this madness is history so I would tuck it away somewhere

Yeah that would go straight into the recycling.

I did the same with the goodnight stories for rebel boys/girls books. Didn't put them into charity, I binned them. The only time I've ever binned books!

Oh no, are they bad?

Paper recycling.

The neighbours are really lovely and the wife who would have picked the gift is an early childhood educator so while I want to believe it was an accidental pick, can I ignore the strange content?
I googled it and the first offering is Amazon. Without even clicking on the link I can read that Amazon think it is "A sparklingly funny new illustrated children's book about family, identity and being an LGBTQ+ ally"

I'm another one who used to think that books were sacred but now find myself fishing some out of the book-exchange and putting them in the bin.

Depends how you define bad, but they feature children who have adopted a gender identity that is not their sex. The language around it was not at all what I wanted my children to hear, ie when they were born 'the doctor and the parents thought they were X but they were actually Y'

That page is astonishing.

'You need to chill'
'be kind'
'no need to get worked up'
'don't be silly'

A whole spread of age appropriate peer pressure, coercion, shaming and manipulation.

Thinking about it some more, @PearlCritic, I think the chances of this being an accidental choice are close to zero.

I would be tempted to say something like, "I was just wondering whether you'd read the book you gave us for Isla? Because we were quite, er, surprised by the storyline."

Then if she says she didn't read it, I'd say something like, "Oh, that's a relief actually. It's just not one I'd offer as a gift to someone else's child, given the controversial subject matter."

And if she says she did read it, I'd say, "Right. Well, if I'm honest, that's not how I'd planned to introduce this sensitive topic with my children. I'm sure Isla will come across children who identify as trans at some point in her childhood and she'll naturally have questions, and we'll cross that bridge as and when we come to it, in an age appropriate way. But right now she's too young to understand that boys can't actually turn into girls and vice versa. She hasn't shown any signs of wanting to identify as a boy, but if she did we would respond to that in accordance with the recommendations in the Cass report, which represents current best practice. The messaging in this book seems to run completely contrary to that, and I wouldn't be surprised if books like this were removed from schools before too long."

But then I wouldn't give a fuck about burning bridges with people trying to indoctrinate my kids into their batshit ideology.

💅