My wife, my abuser on Netflix.

[YourAmplePlumPoster]

Can you imagine the police showing the same sympathy to a woman in this situation? I'm afraid I can't having been a DV survivor. Sympathy, let alone protection was totally absent. This was years ago but I don't think much has changed.

Exactly would anyone in their right mind leave their children with a monster like that? Ffs allbookmarks you are either seriously deranged or a troll

Watch Katie Coerced and Killed on BBC Iplayer. It really does seem easy to pull the wool over the police's eyes especially by skilful manipulators.

I felt really upset and frustrated by the documentary. Upset because the woman was clearly unhinged and really unpleasant; frustrated because I could not understand the dynamic of their relationship. I think there was a weird co-dependence there; but the level of violence was something else. And all of it in front of the children!

I got the impression Richard was from a much wealthier family than Sheree, she sounded/ looked like someone from quite a rough background. But she was really pretty, much better looking than Richard. Did she despise him? Did she hate him because she married him for wrong reasons? Did he understand she hates him but wanted to be with her so much he accepted that? Did he actually liked all the put downs, but not when it got out of hand?

I also find it weird no one talked about why Sheree was paracletic most of the time, she clearly was an alcoholic. Also, I find it strange Richard allowed kids to see all this shit. I mean, he had the presence of mind to install cameras, but not enough free will to protect his daughters? And, with cameras - I feel massively uncomfortable knowing he KNEW he was being filmed, and she did not. What if she also knew? And what if there were no cameras?

I think a lot of sympathy for Richard is stemming from him coming across as a big, helpless childlike figure, too good and sweet to fight back and suffering in silence. And Sheree does come across as absolutely vile, I'm sorry, but the shit she was spewing was something else, no way she was a victim. But I also think this whole situation was not as clear cut as all portrayed in the show, somehow.

DV and alcoholism usually go hand in hand.

I understand - but this was kind of not discussed in the show? It looks like she was pretty much constantly pissed, she looked awful - how on Earth was she looking after kids in this state - as I understand Richard works? He also seem to have other hobbies - swimming and running - so his daughters must have been left with Sheree when he was out of the house?

Like I said, there are other issues here - she must have got to the point of being an alcoholic while they were married. I also read somewhere she used to be a prison warden? That's a tough job.

I do feel for Richard and happy he is ok now and has his daughters with him. But I also think it was a really sick co-dependant relationship, an very abusive one, where they both created this situation - perhaps unwittingly.

I watched this and whilst it was truly horrible I agree that women in similar or worse situations are not shown the same empathy or support.
Violence against women is so commonplace it merits no surprise so there is less interest.
It is just accepted as the norm and female victims are frequently thought to have contributed to their abuse.
The majority of police officers are still men, the majority of judges are still men. Women working in the institutions of criminal justice are fighting to exist in chauvinistic environments.

I suppose what really struck me was that this is happening to thousands of women, all the time. It happens to a man, and there's a 2 part netflix documentary about it, with people saying how awful it is.

I don't know any alcoholics who aren't emotionally abusive on some level. Not saying they don't exist.

She was incredibly attractive at first and I agree that she probably felt this is the best I'm going to get. She absolutely hated that fact. She resented him and punished him. I really do wonder what her parents were really like.

I found your post reassuring ( if that’s the right word!) given you are someone who works with DA survivors.

I was very troubled by that documentary. I have no doubt that Richard was the victim of DA and I have a huge amount of empathy for him.

but it was the reaction of the police being interviewed that angered me. Also the judge’s remark that it was the worst case of DA she’d ever come across. Can’t help thinking they all had very sheltered lives if that’s the case.

I also thought that while awful, it was a pretty ‘standard’ case of DV. The only thing that made it unusual was that it was a woman inflicting abuse on a man.

I think it was depressing because- once again- if you want sympathy, support, and being treated like a human being - it helps to be a man.

I went through all this back in the "bad old days" and it was a truly isolating experience. Not only were the police callous and indifferent but so called friends or neighbours who thought I was at fault. There was absolutely no support. I did manage to get him out of the house through my own efforts but the stalking continued in spite of a restraining order. After that I received no maintenance but he exercised his "rights" when I cut off his visits and he damn well got them. Totally horrendous.

I went to work and supported my child entirely on my own. I remember getting a letter from the Court saying he'd applied to stop paying maintenance as he was unemployed when I knew he was doing building work cash in hand. They threatened to prosecute me if I didn't reply! So I sent a sarcastic letter saying there's nothing to contest since he's never paid maintenance anyway and the Court has never enforced it!

I agree with the co-dependency aspect which I guess is also not unusual in male on female violence?

Regarding their DDS being left with their mother alone at times, I am thinking of some of the posts that I have read on here where abused women talk about their partners being amazing fathers... They just don't get it.

I thought that the female police officer's comment about the children not being affected by what they witnessed (can't remember the exact wording) incredibly naive and wrong.

I wonder what would have happened if Richard's friend hadn't reported it.

"Traumatised woman" 🙄 no she's an evil abuser. So if a traumatised man tortures his wife for years its OK too? Not his fault? And power dynamic etc not always. My partners quite muscular but so am I, if I was a horrible person I could do Quite a bit of damage but it's never crossed my mind cos I'm not a mental abuser?

Wait are we pretending there aren't any documentaries about female victims?

No, there are, of course, but this was seems to have garnered an awful lot of attention in comparison. Much more discussion around it. And again, the reactions of the police involved.

Hmm I remember most of my friends and family being outraged by the recent one about the woman who was thrown out of a van. The female ones don't get as much attention because there is literally one on per day. Most true crime shows are "husband murdered wife".

I think the fact that they were rich and from an affluent area makes it more interesting to people. From the outside it looked like they were living the dream. If they lived in a terrace of houses I suppose it wouldn't seem as intriguing.

I honestly think its shocking to people simply because he is a guy, a fit and tall man, who allowed his much smaller petite wife to hurt him without striking back. It just seems so weird to people that they feel sorry for the guy as they see him as someone out of this world (where an "ordinary" man would hurt his wife for looking at him funny and a lot of people would accept it as normal).

It's true there are so many of these true crime husband murdered wife programmes. I watch them and it's almost as if you become desensitised to it.

This one garners so much attention because it's seen as rare.

My friend and I spend alot of time talking about these programmes. The one where that beast pushed his lovely pregnant wife off Arthur's Seat in Scotland still sticks in my mind

Kindly, seek help.

Or maybe, because she's a shit mum.

Anyone who acts like that in front of their children are shit parents.

what the actual fuck have I just read? 😲

Just because she harmed him and acted vile doesn't make her the perp.

Why doesn't it? Court decided it did, she admitted. Good enough for me. Just because there's a power imbalance in society doesn't mean we are all being abused constantly just by the presence of men happening to be living in the same house as us?

This minimising what she did doesn't help women in abusive situations any. Why are you doing it?

Not interested in reading any aggressive rant back that doesn't answer the above qns.