My wife, my abuser on Netflix.

[YourAmplePlumPoster]

Can you imagine the police showing the same sympathy to a woman in this situation? I'm afraid I can't having been a DV survivor. Sympathy, let alone protection was totally absent. This was years ago but I don't think much has changed.

Women commit more minor physical assaults on their male partners like hitting, slapping, pushing and destroying their possessions. Men commit more serious physical assaults.

When I phoned the police on my ex, they separated us and the female police officer leaned towards me and said, “I know what us women are like, we go on don’t we.”

At that point, there was no way I was going to open about the abuse I was suffering. I was scared about social services involvement, my ex losing his job…and I was getting blamed for being a typical woman and winding my ex up.

Still makes me fume, 10 years later. I can only hope the police are better trained now.

@safetyfreak sorry that happened to you - it's a disgusting thing for a trained professional to say.

Talking of training, I was irritated at the police's astonishment that this violence had taken place in a posh house, with a.....drum roll....jaguar outside.
Domestic violence does not discriminate.
Surely they know that ?!!

Absolutely raging after seeing this. I am a survivor of DV by my ex husband, whom got away with it all. I am left rather triggered after watching this - questioning things.

Statistically, why on earth are they not making programmes highlighting the much bigger issue that is male violence as opposed to this rarity, that is often as a result of error due to poor Policing - The figures are evident and do not appear to be dropping despite lengthly time consuming and expensive reports carried out by Dame Angiolini and also Baroness Casey; all of which may I add, was paid for by the public. Much like the broken CPS prosecuting cases not in the publics interest.

What a broken world we live in. I pray for forgiveness and compassion everyday and choose peace over the resentment I once felt. I advocate for all survivors (male) and female of course however, this was a bit of a gut punch.

I have SO much compassion for you. B*astards

Absolutely raging after seeing this. I am a survivor of DV by my ex husband, whom got away with it all. I am left rather triggered after watching this - questioning things.

Statistically, why on earth are they not making programmes highlighting the much bigger issue that is male violence as opposed to this rarity, that is often as a result of error due to poor Policing - The figures are evident and do not appear to be dropping despite lengthly time consuming and expensive reports carried out by Dame Angiolini and also Baroness Casey; all of which may I add, was paid for by the public. Much like the broken CPS prosecuting cases not in the publics interest.

What a broken world we live in. I pray for forgiveness and compassion everyday and choose peace over the resentment I once felt. I advocate for all survivors (male) and female of course however, this was a bit of a gut punch.

I’m just watching this now

i Have experienced DV

Given DV is normally a gendered crime, and it is the difference between genders that matters a lot (physical strength), I just can’t shake the thought that he could have just restrained her physically at any point

That is why male to female violence or adult to child violence is so different, the victims can’t typically defend themselves physically even if they wanted to.

The police seem to be tripping themselves up to be understanding and empathetic in this case, it’s weird. Female to male just simply doesn’t have the same dynamic, it’s bad, but it’s generally not based on physical supremacy, which is probably why everyone is so interested in this case, it’s so unusual,

Not excusing her, at all, but she’s clearly a traumatised woman,

I don't think that saying that he was stronger so could have walked away holds water. Some women are bigger or stronger than men, and still get abused. It isn't just an issue of physical strength but psychology. As the police man said, he got used to it and excused it bit by bit-the boiling frog argument.

He did restrain her at times. It sounds like she was drunk on many of the occasions, that could have made her stronger than usual.

I already know this will be a pile of dog sh, and I'm glad someone already called it out, so thank YOU for posting, OP. Abuse is an imbalance of power; we can see clearly who the police are likely to believe and have sympathy for despite statistical (and common sense) odds. So over the effin top the policemen were just in the first 10 minutes.

I already smell DARVO, but alas, I will endure these two episodes until the end to be more objective, even though I can tell it will trigger -- out of me. He likely had everything on his side: physical strength, more money, more sympathisers, and finally, policemen who can't wait to say, "women do it too". I hope an established feminist writes an article about this sooner or later because I'm already fuming

My ex abused me physically and mentally...this was 40 plus years ago... the police were pretty much hopeless.. what did I do to make him behave like that🤷‍♀️.. did l antagonise him?
Am l exaggerating? Am l having an affair etc etc..
I left him.. in the middle of the night.. in my pj's with no shoes on.. and a tenner to my name.
It wasn't until 2 years later after stalking me and throwing me under a moving bus.. leaving me for dead and in a coma and severely disabled that he got jailed for attempted murder.
Glad things have changed with the police now... but l still don't like them.

Yep yep yep, I already can't stand it. The dramatisation by the guy is evident in the making of the scene as soon as the police come in.

He steps away and lets the police make all the assumptions for him—he literally does not even have to say much, just strolls around pretending to be heartbroken. In the meantime, police are criticising everything the woman has done and hasn't done. You come into her home and you're making remarks about her "not covering up and making you uncomfortable"??

The woman is out of sorts, and he's judging her for lack of concern for her children. Why are men like these even allowed on the DV scene? Honestly, an uneducated and shitty male police officer is so much worse than any female one, period. Well let's see how much more of this I can endure shall we

What the actual f? The police officer is saying she was flirting because she said "Are you married? Would you think you're a good husband if your wife tried to divorce you 17 times?" (along those lines). At this point that guy should be barred from working with women in cases like this. Absolutely ridiculously biased interpretation of her trying to comment on her situation, like wtf

This is an excellent watch something that will always stick with me. So sad.

Fucking hell, she pleaded guilty, she is serving a custodial sentence there was video evidence, she was seen with a carving knife in her hand, yet she's the victim. 🤔

You can be angry about the response from the police, but to twist it to make her the victim is unreal.

(I'm hiding the thread, so don't bother piling on. I should have learnt from the last time it happened and not come back)

@ShamblesRock guess what; solicitors tell you to plead guilty. Wow, amazing discovery, not. Also, I should say she's horrible because she acted that way toward what I can see from minute to minute into this "documentary" is her abuser? Think critically ffs, men and women are not equal; as said, if she had everything he had on her side, we could talk like that. Until the next few centuries, hell. Effin. No. I don't give a sh* how nasty women are to their abusers, honestly you all need to get over yourself with this tip-toeing sh

I'm honestly amazed at how upset and shocked the police were in thus case. I wasn't shocked at all, I deal with people leaving abusive relationships on a regular basis. They are overwhelmingly femake victims leaving abusive men. We occasionally see male victims leaving male perps. Very occasionally I see men leaving abusive women.

I have heard stories from women that are absolutely horrific. Richards story, while awful, was not out of the ordinary or outstandingly different to the things I hear all the time from women.

I really do feel for him, it's awful to live through that regardless of what sex you are. But I don't understand why it's so shocking. Maybe I'm hardened to it.

It's shocking because he wasn't abused. He pursued her and did not seek reciprocity; he was pushing her into relationship, refusing to come to terms that she simply would not stay with him if he wasn't clingy and guilt-tripping her into staying with "poor, clumsy me". For crying out loud, these men are already well written about. I keep getting shocked people falling for this. This sob story of him making it out to seem to be her saviour is really worn out and desperate

Red flag number 234 in first 17 minutes. She shouts at him to leave her repeatedly (after we already seen she remarks to police she tried to file for divorce 17 times). And people are ignoring this. Why are we not addressing the fact he is refusing to leave when asked?

Are you alright? He was black and blue and there was clear evidence of her holding a knife to his neck which she tried to lie about. A lot of awful behaviour infront of the kids too. If you don't think that's abuse then I hope you don't think of it as abuse if the roles were reversed.

@justanotherchangeofname it's simple if you've done your analysis right. You are judging horrible things she has done that would indeed be despicable IN NORMAL CIRCUMSTANCES. You are completely ignoring years and years of feminist work that has recorded situations like this very well, and it is well noted that women get aggressive and act in abusive WAYS. Which does not make them the actual perpetrator

Come on. The woman was an absolute beast. She was grotesque and certainly no victim here. She was a raging alcoholic and a disgusting mess in front of those poor kids. She didn't hold back with the things she said and did.

What I am trying to understand is why I found him so annoying. Even when they described him telling his new neighbours who he just met that she was abusing him, it didn't feel right.

She didn't want him from day one. That was obvious. She was a mess on the wedding day because she was obviously angry and upset that this is what she's stuck with ( in her mind). Sounds like she had a poor upbringing. Imagine her parents weren't much cop.

No, I'm looking at what's clear as day infront us I just don't have a "he must have done something to deserve it attitude" purely because it's a male victim.

You can type a load of shit back to me if you like, I won't be replying. I work with both sides of this coin daily so I don't need a load of words thrown at me purely because I can see abuse for what it is, regardless of the perpetrator.